8 Heads in a Duffel Bag (1997)

David Spade: Ernie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tommy Spinelli : Alright, grab all the heads. Just leave the top one.

  Ernie : Why?

  Tommy Spinelli : Because the top one doesn't look like anybody and Big Sep will never buy it. Now come on.

  Steve : Wait a minute. I sawed off this head and you're not even gonna use it?

  Ernie : Steve, chill.

  Steve : No, you chill. I spent alot of time on this head. Don't you think you could have at least told me this before I cut it off?

  [Tommy slaps him in back of the head] 

  Ernie : Ooh. I saw that coming.

  Tommy Spinelli : Don't ever fuck with a guy looking for heads.

• Ernie : I think we better pull over, 'cause we need some gas soon.

  Tommy Spinelli : Keep fucking driving.

  Fern : Didn't I tell you to watch your fucking language?

• Ernie : Are you telling us that you're gonna find a replacement for the head Charlie lost?

  Tommy Spinelli : [looks through a year book]  Yeah. We got some time to kill before we go to the airport.

  Steve : But these are human beings. Innocent people. You can't just kill innocent people because they look like somebody else.

  Tommy Spinelli : Let me tell you something, college boy, nobody is innocent.

  [picks a person in the book] 

  Tommy Spinelli : Now who is he?

  Steve : He's my anatomy professor. He almost flunked me.

  Tommy Spinelli : Good. Here's your chance to get even with the prick. Get me his address.

  Steve : Alrighty.

• Steve : Heads up! Stop a-head. Anybody need to use the head?

  Ernie : Steve...

  Steve : Oh, don't let it go to your head. Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're WAY ahead of me!

  Ernie : Steve! Enough!

  Steve : Hey, don't bite my head off, alright!

  Ernie : That's it. I'm sleeping outside, guys.

  Annette : Me, too.

  Charlie : Hey, Steve, GET A GRIP. Go to sleep.

  Steve : Or what? You'll have my head?

• Ernie : Tell me if this sounds like a phone hanging up.

  [Hangs up phone] 

  Tommy Spinelli : Yeah... SHIT!

• Steve : This is like grave robbing - grave robbing. Or worse.

  Ernie : I don't see any graves. Do you see any graves?

  Tommy Spinelli : [Cocks gun]  There's going to be two fresh ones right now if you don't start looking for heads. Come on.

• Ernie : Okay, let's review: you've got a Hugo, a Little Joey, a Frank, a bad Stu...

  Tommy Spinelli : No, bad Frank.

  Ernie : That's what I said.

  Tommy Spinelli : No you didn't. You said bad Stu. Stu was just so-so.

  Ernie : No, sir, I said a so-so Stu.

  Tommy Spinelli : You did not. You said bad Stu!

  Ernie : Yes I did and everybody heard! I said a so-so Stu!

  Tommy Spinelli : You said bad Stu!

  Ernie : I know the names and you don't...

  [Arguing continues] 

  Steve : Would you two stop it, goddammit! These are not baseball cards we're talking about here. These are heads! Human beings' heads!

• Ernie : This university has the largest cryonics facility in the country. They've got hundreds of frozen heads.

  Tommy Spinelli : Why do they got hundreds of frozen heads?

  Ernie : [sarcastically]  I think for, uh, situations like this.

  Tommy Spinelli : Hey don't be a little smart ass, you!

  Ernie : Look, they have them because people feel that maybe in a couple hundred years, we can bring them back to life, clone them a nice, healthy body.

  Tommy Spinelli : Are you jerking me around?

  Ernie : What? Oh my God. You just put welts and bruises over 90% of my body and now you're talking about having me help you decapitate some professor. WOULD I BE JERKING YOU AROUND?

• Ernie : [roasting the coyote that ran away with a head]  This doggy wont be doin' any more running away, I got him trained

• Steve : Can we answer that? It might be Charlie!

  Ernie : It might be Charl...

  Tommy Spinelli : Put it on speakerphone.

  Steve : Hello?

  Charlie : Steve!

  Steve : [in unison with Ernie, sighs with relief]  Oh, Charlie, thank God! Jesu-

  [he is cut off by Tommy] 

  Tommy Spinelli : Listen to me, you a-hole! You got my heads an' I wan'em back! Y'understand?