The Big Lebowski (1998)
Steve Buscemi: Theodore Donald 'Donny' Kerabatsos
Photos
Quotes
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The Dude : Rug pee-ers did not do this. Look at it: a young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money, she figures he hasn't given her enough, you know, she owes money all over town.
Walter Sobchak : That, fuckin' - bitch...
The Dude : It's all a god damn fake, man. It's like Lenin said: you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know...
Donny : I am the walrus.
The Dude : You know, you'll uh, uh - well, you know what I'm trying' to say...
Donny : I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak : That fucking bitch!
The Dude : Oh yeah!
Donny : I am the walrus.
Walter Sobchak : Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
Donny : What the fuck is he talking about?
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The Dude : Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak : Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
Donny : What the fuck is he talking about?
The Dude : My rug.
Walter Sobchak : Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
The Dude : Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, "chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
The Dude : Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you...?
The Dude : Walter, he peed on my rug!
Donny : He peed on the Dude's rug.
Walter Sobchak : Donny, you're out of your element! Dude, the chinaman is not the issue here!
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The Dude : Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak : I told that fuck down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling?
The Dude : Walter...
Donny : Burkhalter.
Walter Sobchak : I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
The Dude : Walter...
Donny : They already posted it.
Walter Sobchak : Well they can *fucking unpost it*!
The Dude : Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak : C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
Donny : How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : I'm shomer shabbos.
Donny : What's that?
The Dude : Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
Walter Sobchak : Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking roll*!
Donny : Sheesh.
Walter Sobchak : Shomer shabbos!
The Dude : Walter, how am I going to...
Walter Sobchak : Shomer fucking shabbos.
The Dude : Oh fuck it. I'm out of here.
Walter Sobchak : Come on, Dude...
[rolls his eyes at Donny]
Walter Sobchak : Fucking BABY...
[Donny nods]
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Walter Sobchak : He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...
The Dude : The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.
Walter Sobchak : Near the In-and-Out Burger...
Donny : Those are good burgers, Walter.
Walter Sobchak : Shut the fuck up, Donny.
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Walter Sobchak : Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
The Dude : Walter...
Donny : What?
Walter Sobchak : Were you listening to The Dude's story?
Donny : I was bowling.
Walter Sobchak : So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
The Dude : (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?
Walter Sobchak : There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...
Donny : Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
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Walter Sobchak : That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
The Dude : Fuckin' A.
Donny : And this guy peed on it.
Walter Sobchak : Donny, please.
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[the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched]
The Dude : Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
Nihilist : Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
Nihilist #2 : Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
Nihilist #3 : Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
The Dude : You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did!
[the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German]
Donny : Are these the Nazis, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Nihilist : Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you ups.
Walter Sobchak : Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.
The Dude : Hey, cool it Walter.
Walter Sobchak : No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
Nihilist #2 : His girlfriend gave up her toe!
Nihilist #3 : She though we'd be getting million dollars!
Nihilist #2 : Iss not fair!
Walter Sobchak : Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
The Dude : Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man!
Walter Sobchak : And, I would like my undies back.
[Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]
Donny : Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : No, Donny. These men are cowards.
Nihilist : Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.
Walter Sobchak : Fuck you!
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Donny : They posted the next round for the tournament.
Walter Sobchak : Donny, shut the f- when do we play?
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Walter Sobchak : Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill shit, they're not gonna do shit. What can they do? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs, and meanwhile, look at the bottom line: Who's sittin' on a million fuckin' dollars? Am I wrong?
The Dude : Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Who's got a fuckin' million fuckin' dollars sittin' in the trunk of our car?
The Dude : Our car, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : And whadda they got? My dirty undies... My fucking whites...
[They walk out of the bowling alley and see the Dude's car gone. The portable phone starts ringing]
Walter Sobchak : Say, dude. Where is your car?
Donny : Who's got your undies, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Where's your car, dude?
The Dude : You don't know, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : [clears throat] It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.
The Dude : You fucking know its been stolen.
Walter Sobchak : Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude.
The Dude : Oh fuck it.
[the Dude starts walking away]
Donny : Where you going, Dude?
The Dude : I'm going home, Donny.
Donny : Phone's ringin', dude.
The Dude : Thank you, Donny.
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Walter Sobchak : Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.
Donny : What's wrong with Walter, Dude?
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The Dude : Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
Walter Sobchak : Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
The Dude : Yeah.
Walter Sobchak : No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
The Dude : Oh!
Walter Sobchak : When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
Donny : What's a... pederast, Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Shut the fuck up, Donny.
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Walter Sobchak : The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
Donny : Who's in pajamas Walter?
Walter Sobchak : Shut the fuck up, Donny.
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The Dude : Hey, no, come on, Walter. We're ending this thing cheap, man.
Walter Sobchak : No, what's mine is mine.
Nihilist : No funny shtuff.
The Dude : Alright, alright, I've got four dollars, almost five...
Donny : Hey, I got eighteen dollars.
Walter Sobchak : What's mine is mine.
Nihilist : We fuck you ups, man. We takes the money.
Walter Sobchak : Come and get it.
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Walter Sobchak : Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
Donny : They were Nazis, Dude?
Walter Sobchak : Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?
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Donny : I'm throwing rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude.
