Chasing Amy (1997)
Joey Lauren Adams: Alyssa
Photos
Quotes
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Alyssa : Why are we stopping?
Holden : 'Cause I can't take this.
Alyssa : Can't take what?
Holden : I love you.
Alyssa : You love me?
Holden : I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't-I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, 'cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. And all I ask, please, is that you just - you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
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Alyssa : You know, I didn't just heed what I was taught, men and women should be together, it's the natural way, that kind of thing. I'm not with you because of what family, society, life tried to instill in me from day one. The way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just *gets* you - it's so rare. My parents didn't really have it. There were no examples set for me in the world of male-female relationships. And to cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy.
Holden : Still am.
Alyssa : And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you *were* a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms, 'cause I got here on my own terms, and I have no question there was some place I didn't look. And for me that makes all the difference.
Holden : [pause] Well, can I at least tell people all you needed was some serious deep dicking?
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Alyssa : I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore.
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Holden : Hey! Hey! Hey, would you wait a minute!
Alyssa : Get the fuck off me!
Holden : So, it's true right? Is that what you wanna hear? Is it?
Alyssa : Yeah, Holden, it's true. In fact everything you heard or dug up on me is probably true. Yeah, I took on two guys at once! You wanna hear some gems you might not have unearthed? I took a twenty six year old guy to my senior prom and left halfway through to have sex with him and Gwen Turner in the back seat of a limo. Or how about in college when I let Shannon Hamilton videotape us having sex, only to find out the next day he broadcast it on the campus cable station. They're all true, Holden. Didn't you know? I am the queen of suburban legend!
Holden : Did you somehow fuckin' fail to mention this to me? What the fuck's wrong with you? How could you do those things?
Alyssa : Easily! Some I did out of what I thought was love. But good or bad, those are my choices, and I am not making apologies for them now! Not to you, or not to anyone! And how dare you lay a guilt trip on me about it, in public, no less? Who the fuck do you think you are, you judgemental prick?
Holden : How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this?
Alyssa : How are you supposed to feel about it? Feel whatever the fuck you want to about it, all right? The only thing that matters is how you feel about me.
Holden : I don't know how I feel about you right now.
Alyssa : Why? Why? Because I had some sex?
Holden : Some sex?
Alyssa : Yes, Holden, that's al it was, some sex. Most of it stupid High School sex. Like you never had sex in High School.
Holden : Alyssa, there is a world of fucking difference between typical High School sex and getting fucked by two fucking guys at the same time! They fuckin' used you!
Alyssa : No! I used them! You don't think I would've let it happen if I hadn't' wanted to, do you? I was an experimental girl for Christ's sake! Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, but unlike you I was not given a fucking map at birth, so I tried it all! That is until we, that's you and I, got together and suddenly I was sated! Can't you take some fucking comfort in that? You turned out to be all I was looking for, the missing piece in the big fucking puzzle. Look, I'm sorry that I let you believe you were the only guy I had ever been with. I should have been more honest. But it just didn't- it seemed to make you feel special in a way that me telling you over and over again how incredible you are just wouldn't get across. Holden, I'm sorry.
[she cries in his jacket]
Holden : [he pushes her away] Just don't do that.
Alyssa : Do you mean to tell me that, while you have zero problem with me sleeping with half the women in New York City, you have some sort of half-assed mealy-mouthed objection to pubescent antics that took place almost ten years ago? What the fuck is your problem?
Holden : I want us to be something that we can't be.
Alyssa : And what's that?
Holden : A normal couple.
Alyssa : [screaming] Fuck!
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Alyssa : Fucking is not limited to penetration, Banky. For me, it describes any sex when it's not totally about love. I don't love Kim, but I'll fuck her. I'm sure you don't love every girl you sleep with.
Banky Edwards : Some of them I downright loathe.
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Alyssa : Let me ask you a question. Can men fuck each other?
Banky Edwards : What, are you asking for my permission?
Alyssa : In your estimation.
Banky Edwards : Sure.
Alyssa : So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes.
Banky Edwards : Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, alright?
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Alyssa : So your new book seems to be selling like mad.
Holden : It all goes back to something my grandmother told me when I was a kid. "Holden," she said, "the big bucks are in dick and fart jokes." She was a church-goer.
Alyssa : Uh-oh, the cry from the heart of a real artist trapped in commercial hell, pitying his good fortune. I'm sure you can dry your eyes on all those fat checks you rake in.
Holden : I'm sorry, did I detect a note of bitter envy in there!
Alyssa : Nope. I'm happy my stuff gets read at all. There's very little market for hearts and flowers in this spandex-clad, big pecs, big tits, big guns field. If I sell two issues, I feel like John Grisham.
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[Alyssa on the phone with Holden after she paged him]
Alyssa : One minute, five seconds; you are such my bitch.
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Alyssa : I remember those guys used to come over to my house almost everyday after school. They'd bug my sisters, look through my dad's closet for porno tapes, raid the fridge. They really took advantage of my parents never being home. This one day, Rick pulled his dick out and started chasing me around the house with it! Right in front of Cohee, man! I couldn't believe it!
Holden : Rick pulled his dick out? Really? What did you do?
Alyssa : [yells] I blew him while Cohee fucked me!
Holden : Excuse me?
Alyssa : That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? That's what this little cross-examination of yours is all about? God! Well, next time, try not to make it so obvious, alright? There's subtler ways of badgering a witness! Am I right?
Bystander : Jeez, man. Even I knew what you were getting at.
Alyssa : If you wanted some background information on me, Holden, all you had to do was ask. I would have gladly volunteered it. You didn't have to go playing Hercule-fucking-Poirot!
Bystander : [to his friend] I told you these were good seats!
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Alyssa : [to Holden] I like you, Holden. I haven't liked a man in a long time. And it's not because I'm a man hater or something like that. It's just been sometime that I've been exposed to a man that didn't immediately live into a stereotype of some sort. And I want you to feel comfortable with me, because I'd really like us to be friends.
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Holden : [on the phone] What's up? I'm about to get on a train.
Alyssa : Oh, why?
Holden : Last minute invite to the Boston Cup.
Alyssa : Shit.
Holden : What?
Alyssa : Well my sister's at my parents and I was gonna go see her.
Holden : The one that wrote the book?
Alyssa : Yeah. But I was staying all weekend, I wanted to hang out with you. This sucks.
Holden : You know, umm... both of us don't have to go.
Holden : Really?
Holden : Yeah. Banky can do this by himself. And you know, it's not like we're on panels. It's just a signing appearance.
Alyssa : If you come and pick me up, I'll be your best friend.
Holden : Where's your apartment?
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Holden : I suppose you're both wondering why I asked you over here tonight.
Banky Edwards : I just figured you'd wanna tell her to fuck off with me here so you wouldn't have to go through the story again later.
Alyssa : Fuck you
Banky Edwards : Not even if you let me videotape it
Holden : I'm only going to tell you this once. Shut up.
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Alyssa : Fuck you.
Banky Edwards : Not even if you let me video tape it.
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Alyssa : Since most of these people are rooting for the home team, I'm gonna cheer for the visitors. I'm a big visitors fan. Especially the kind that make coffee for ya in the morning before they go!
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Holden : What are you doing?
Alyssa : Get in the car and get outta here!
Holden : You're gonna hitch to New York?
Alyssa : Yep!
Holden : Aren't you at least gonna comment?
Alyssa : Here's my comment: Fuck you!
Holden : Why?
Alyssa : That was so unfair. You know how unfair that was.
Holden : It's unfair that I'm in love with you?
Alyssa : No, it's unfortunate that you're in love with me! It's unfair that you felt the fuckin' need to unburden your soul about it. Do you remember for one fucking second who I am?
Holden : So? I mean, you know, people change.
Alyssa : Oh! Oh! it's that simple? You fall in love with me and want a romantic relationship. Nothing changes for you with the exception of feeling hunky-dory all the time. But what about me, Holden? It's not that simple, I just can't get into a relationship with you without throwing my whole fucking world into upheaval.
Holden : Listen, that's every relationship. There's always going to be a period of adjustment.
Alyssa : Period of adjustment? There is no
[hitting him]
Alyssa : *period of adjustment*, Holden! I am fucking gay!
[hitting him]
Alyssa : That's who I am, and you assume I can turn that around just because you've got a fucking crush?
Holden : If this is a crush I don't think I can take it if this real thing ever happened.
Alyssa : Go home, Holden.
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Alyssa : She is such a cunt.
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Alyssa : [yelling at the hockey game] If you don't start using that whistle, I'm gonna jam it straight up your ass!
