Gone Fishin' (1997)
Joe Pesci: Joe Waters
Photos
Quotes
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Joe Waters : [fire engines zoom by, sirens blaring] There must be a fire or something, huh?
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Gus Green : [Joe grabs a cane] Joe, what are you doing?
Joe Waters : He's gonna get a little piece of Newark, Gus.
Gus Green : Aw come on, Joe, it ain't it.
Joe Waters : It's worth it, Gus.
Gus Green : It's not worth it.
Joe Waters : It's worth it, Gus.
Gus Green : It's not worth it.
Joe Waters : It's worth it, Gus.
Gus Green : What about OFH first?
Joe Waters : It's worth it.
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[Joe and Gus come flying through the beach where Phil Beasley is giving a speech]
Phil Beasly : That's my boat!
[the boat finally comes to a rest, it breaks in half as two other boats fall down]
Gus Green , Joe Waters : Hey, Phil!
Gus Green : Hey, Phil, we decided to bring the boat back before the 30 days was up. Right, Joe?
Joe Waters : [shows him the radio wires] Yeah. Look, Phil, this stuff all broke. You better get it all fixed. Thanks, anyway.
Gus Green : Yeah, thanks, man. You know, you need better material.
Joe Waters : Yeah. Sorry.
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Joe Waters : That car meant a lot to me, Gus. I get memories of that car I can't even remember.
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Joe Waters : [after the waiter pours him a sample of the wine] That's it? Hey, Kirk, I'm not a little kid you know. I can drink a full glass.
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Gus Green : So after we paid for the Ranger 250C, replace our boat, fix the Barracuda... Joe, do me a favor.
Joe Waters : Yeah, Gus, I'd do anything for you. You know that.
Gus Green : I know that. Stop smoking. I want you to stop smoking. For me, your wife, your family, everybody. We love you, man. Okay?
Joe Waters : Okay, Gus.
[Gus proceeds to throw cigar away]
Joe Waters : Eh eh eh! Did you forget?
Gus Green : [puts out the cigar and continues reading off the list] Yeah, pay for the resort fire, our gear, and food, clothing, flight home... we have a grand total of $42 profit.
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Joe Waters : Got the boat?
Gus Green : Check.
Joe Waters : Coupons?
Gus Green : Check.
Joe Waters : Beer, gear, Dramamine?
Gus Green : Check. Check. Check.
Joe Waters : Insert Billy "Catch" Pooler tape.
Gus Green : Check that too.
Joe Waters , Gus Green : We've gone fishin'!
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Gus Green : I was just thinking. Say, 100 years ago, we were goin' fishin'. This is what we would be doin'.
Joe Waters : What do you mean?
Gus Green : Yeah, think about it. This is how we'd get our boat to the water. Now, we can't let that guy ruin our Florida vacation, eh?
Joe Waters : Hey, maybe you're right.
Gus Green : Yeah, and a 1,000 years ago, we wouldn't have paved roads.
Joe Waters : Hey, that's right, Gus. It would be filled with rocks and everything, right?
Gus Green : Yeah. And the boats would be heavier.
Joe Waters : That's right. We've got the latest technology wood. This boat's light, right, Gus?
Gus Green : Yeah, and guess what, Joe? A million years ago, we wouldn't have wheels for our trailer.
Joe Waters : And we wouldn't even have the friggin' trailer, right Gus? And Gus, if it was that long ago, our brains would be smaller. We wouldn't think about of anything like that.
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Joe Waters : I'm sorry I don't have a photographic memory, Gus.
Gus Green : You don't even have a memory.
Joe Waters : You wanna talk about memories? You recall setting a hotel room on fire?
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Joe Waters : Let's just go home.
Gus Green : No, we're going to find the money.
Joe Waters : No, I'll tell you where we're going. We are going...
[Car engine dies]
Joe Waters , Gus Green : Nowhere.
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[Wrestling with an alligator]
Joe Waters : Spin him around, Gus I'll kick him in the nuts.
Gus Green : He's a she, Joe. She ain't got no nuts.
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Gus Green : Joe, what are the odds of you getting hit by lightning again?
Joe Waters : Hey, Gus, what were the odds the first time I got hit? And what were the odds the second time I got hit?
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Joe Waters : We're gonna be working every weekend for the rest of our lives, Gus.
Gus Green : How come?
Joe Waters : Because that boat cost more than our house. At least we'll be home on time.
Gus Green : Wrong. We're gonna be home a day earlier, and that's worse than getting home on time. Besides, that freaking knife is somewhere at the bottom of Tiger Tail Lagoon.
Joe Waters : In any case, we're going home.
[Tire blows out]
Joe Waters , Gus Green : Flat.
Joe Waters : [Gus remains still, yet Joe sticks his arm in front of him] I got it, Gus.
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Phil Beasly : Yeah, the Little Guy's sad. But do you know what's sadder? Follow me, guys.
[Joe and Gus do]
Joe Waters : The Little Guy.
Gus Green : Yeah, but maybe he'll show us somethin' real nice.
[they walk down to a pier of newer boats]
Phil Beasly : Watch your step here, guys.
Gus Green : Yeah.
Joe Waters : [singing] Down in the Everglades.
[Joe hits a switch which causes a boat to fall in the water and starts sinking]
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Phil Beasly : Think for the moment of the words "easy payments."
Joe Waters , Gus Green : Easy payments.
Phil Beasly : I'm talking 810 easy payments - they're easy now - of $39.95.
Joe Waters : $39.95. That's not bad.
Gus Green : No.
Phil Beasly : Each. That's $39.95. This boat, your boat. Think about it. All we need is a signature, and you've already got a pen. Excuse me.
[Phil gets out of the boat]
Joe Waters : What do you think? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Gus Green : Yeah. It depends on what you're thinking.
Joe Waters : Yeah, well...
Phil Beasly : P.S. There's a 30-day money back guarantee. So it's a test drive. You don't like it, which you will, you call, we come, we pick it up. End of story, see you next time, no questions asked.
Joe Waters : That's like free rent, Gus.
Phil Beasly : You guys, if you need anything, I mean anything, just say out loud the word "Phil"! Excuse me.
[Phil leaves]
Joe Waters , Gus Green : [happily] Hey, Phil!
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Cookie Green : Now, look... If you're not back by Thanksgiving dinner, we have agreed to ah...
Donna Waters : Kill you.
Gus Green : [weakly] Ah, okay.
Joe Waters : [weakly] Yeah. Don't worry.
Gus Green : We'll be back by then.
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Gus Green : Hey, who cares about the knife? Hey, w-we got a map $2 1/2 million dollars! Hey, we're gonna get the reward anyway!
Joe Waters : We're gonna be rich!
Gus Green : We're gonna be rich!
Joe Waters : Wait, wait, wait, wait. Gus, Gus, Gus! Listen! Gus, Gus! Listen!
Gus Green : Huh? Yeah!
Joe Waters : Listen. Who cares about the reward is right. Forget about the reward. Let's just take the $2 1/2 million in money and jewels. We're millionaires! Millionaires, Gus! We're rich!
Gus Green : Joe, that guy stole that from 43 women. That's a whole lot of broken hearts.
Joe Waters : Yeah, it's not nice. We wouldn't like it if it were somebody in our families. We can't take it.
Gus Green : But think, Joe. Not only is it a lot of women - That means a lot of rewards. It's a lot of rewards!
Joe Waters : It's more than one reward. We're rich!
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Joe Waters : What are you shushing me for?
Gus Green : I didn't shush you, Joe. Come on. Let's go.
Joe Waters : You didn't shush me?
Joe Waters : No, I didn't shush you.
[realizes its an alligator]
Joe Waters , Gus Green : [both whining] Mad Maggie!
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Joe Waters : [watching Jeopardy, unable to answer any of the clues, changes the channel] It's a stupid show anyway.
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Joe Waters : [explaining his license plate number JGTT542] J for Joe. G for Gus.
Gus Green : That's me.
Joe Waters : T for tuna. T for trout. 5, I was five years old first time I tasted beer, and 42 is Gus's old football jersey before he dislocated both his knees.
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Dekker Massey : You guys married?
Gus Green : Uh, yeah, yeah.
Dekker Massey : Children?
Joe Waters : No, they're our age.
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Joe Waters : Let's do like we used to do in the old days and take a dip.
Gus Green : It's cold, Joe.
Joe Waters : Yeah. What about that Polar Bear Club at Coney Island? Those guys go in the water in freezing weather.
Gus Green : Yeah, yeah, yeah, I-I heard about that. It's good for your heart and everything. Want to try?
Joe Waters : I'll do it if you do it.
Gus Green : I'll do it if you do it.
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Gus Green : Yeah, they got a lotta nerve callin' this first prize.
Joe Waters : I wonder what the losers got. Six months in Sing Sing?
Gus Green : Yeah, maybe.
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Joe Waters : 'Cause we were watching Jeopardy...
Rita : You guys watch Jeopardy?
Joe Waters : Yeah. They take away Science, I'll kill 'em.
Gus Green : I'll kill 'em if it weren't for History.
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[repeated line]
Joe Waters : Holy smokes!
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Joe Waters : Hey, you remember that movie Deliverance? Sounds like those guys.
Gus Green : Joe, I don't wanna squeal like a pig.
Joe Waters : I don't wanna squeal like a pig, either.
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Gus Green : It could be worse.
Joe Waters : Hey Gus, please don't say that. 'Cause it can't get any worse. I'm so sick of everytime we get in trouble or something goes bad, we think of, like, worse situations just so we can say, "This ain't so bad, it could be worse". Gus, the truth is, it can't get any worse.
[Thunder clashes and lightning flashes]
Joe Waters : It just got worse, Gus.
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Joe Waters : [looking at stolen valuables in suitcase] Holy smokes! Look at that, Gus.
Gus Green : We did it Joe.
Joe Waters : Yeah.
Gus Green : Yeah.
Joe Waters : You know, Gus, there's a lot of family heirlooms here. Those poor people. That's not nice.
Gus Green : Yeah, a lot of "hairlooms" in there. Yeah.
Joe Waters : Yeah. W-We're gonna get a lot of reward money, anyway.
Gus Green : We're gonna be rich.
Joe Waters : Yeah, and famous.
Dekker Massey : [sneaks up] Oh, really?
[holds gun at them]
Dekker Massey : Now, move! Move!
[Joe and Gus move slowly as Dekker goes up to the suitcase and picks up a wad of money and feels it]
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Joe Waters : What's wrong with us anyway, Gus? W-We work hard. We got great families and kids and beautiful wives.
Gus Green : Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Joe Waters : We work hard. We go to church. All we like to do is go fish. We don't bother nobody.
Gus Green : Yeah, we're lucky, Joe.
Joe Waters : Why does everything gotta go wrong around us?
Gus Green : 'Cause we're lucky, Joe.
Joe Waters : We're lucky?
Gus Green : Yeah, you said it all, Joe. We got great families. We got great kids. Our wives love us. You know? We go to church. We work hard. All we do is want to go fishin'.
Joe Waters : Yeah. Yeah. I never thought of it like that.
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Cookie Green : Take a look at your sons.
Joe Waters : Were you guys, uh, playing football again?
Gus Green : They're gonna be good football players, Joe.
Joe Waters : Sure are. They're gonna be great like Gus.
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[repeated line]
Joe Waters : Hey, Gus.
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[repeated line]
Joe Waters : My car, Gus.
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Joe Waters : How many k's in Snickerson's?
Gus Green : J... one, Joe.
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Joe Waters : Gus, this guy wrecked our boat. Look what he did to my car. He tried to kill us. He embarrassed me, Gus, I don't know about you, but he made me cry and I don't feel much like a man, Gus. I thought you would want to help me. Okay for you, Gus.
Gus Green : Ah... come on, Joe, I'll drive.
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Joe Waters : I'll do it if you do it.
Gus Green : I'll do it if you do it.
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Billy "Catch" Pooler : You will catch him, Joe.
Joe Waters : I will?
Billy "Catch" Pooler : Gus, you will catch him.
Gus Green : I will?
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Reporter #1 : Did you get an insight into the workings of Massey's mind?
Joe Waters : This guy, he was a very bad man. Not a nice guy.
Gus Green : Yeah.
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Joe Waters : Gus, you ain't never eatin' meat again. No more steak ever!
