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7/10
The Five Lays of Christmas
Nodriesrespect14 October 2006
Now here's a stocking stuffer of a different stripe ! Hack helmer Jim Enright, a director who's only as good as the cast and material at his disposal (SINISTER SISTER and GIGOLO being among his better efforts), attempts to corner the Yuletide meat market – if there is indeed such a thing – with this good-natured little video that might raise more chuckles than chubbies, even though it can't begin to compare to Shaun Costello's Christmas-themed PASSIONS OF CAROL. Main reason for its success must be Gerard Damiano's amiably silly script, matched by the unabashed campiness befitting the material displayed by several of the performers who are clearly game for a laugh as well as lust.

Setting is the North Pole (cue the flick's first sniggers, appropriately setting the tone) as Santa, played by Randy - UP 'N' CUMMERS – West looking decidedly leathery, prepares to leave for a Miami toy convention. He's actually planning a dirty weekend rendezvous with Virginia (the always enthusiastic Debi Diamond, formerly known as "Kaviar" and "Shelly Rey"), and that's as in "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus", of course ! They have the first sex scene, fueled by good energy but somewhat marred by poor camera placement, a drawback the rest of the feature unfortunately adheres to. This is a particular shame as all of the tape's five encounters have a good deal of heat, now drained through the absence of a really good "sex shooter" like Michael Cates or Frank Marino.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Cindy Claus is left in charge of the workshop. She's Angela Summers, one of the most popular starlets of the early '90s (featured in John Stagliano's WILD GOOSE CHASE among many others), impossibly cute 'n' cuddly running around in a tiny red teddy topped off with a matching Santa's cap. She has to contend with mischievous head elf Big Jake ("little person" Napoleon, unfairly treated as a gimmick within the less than sensitive adult industry) who has invented a "materializer" whereby he can bring toys to life, giving them an unexpected sex drive along the way. So we get a tryst involving Raggedy Ann (K.C. Williams, star of Jack Remy's ADVENTURES OF MIKKI FINN) and Andy (Buck Adams, who directed as well as starred in NO MOTIVE), with impeccable costuming by the way, and a sweltering threesome involving Cindy Claus with a toy ballerina (Alicyn Sterling, who played Cleopatra in Damiano's JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT) and soldier (stalwart stud T.T. Boy). Kudos to Adams and Sterling for sustained "doll acting" that truly adds to their scenes.

Not the type of feature to reap major awards, it has a certain hard to resist charm as a result of its knowing cheesiness – helped rather than hindered by synthesized carols on the soundtrack – that bigger if not necessarily better movies can't match. So give it a shot. You may find that it grows on you.
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Toy Story XXX
lor_21 March 2024
Jim Enright's holiday comedy benefits from hip dialogue by Gerard Damiano and a playful sense that makes the irreverence fun.

Porn's top dwarf actor Napoleon is a bit hard to take (his acting is miserable, as usual) as Big Jake, not John Wayne but Santa's chief elf. He and Mrs. Cincy Claus (busty cutie Angela Summers) are left in charge at the North Pole headquarters as Santa (Randy West, in fine form) pretends to be heading to a Miami toy convention, but actually sticks around to hump Debi Diamond on the side.

Fantasy element figure prominently, as Napoleon uses a "materializer" to bring dolls to life, and these dolls like to hump. K. C. Williams and Buck Adams appear as Ragged Ann and Andy, while Alicyn Sterling is a thing of beauty as a ballerina who make love to Mrs. Claus and a toy soldier played by T. T. Boy.

It all ends up harmlessly with infidelity forgiven and a sort of upbeat Xmas spirit promoted.
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