Mystery Men (1999)

Paul Reubens: Spleen

Photos 

Quotes 

• Invisible Boy : [after becoming invisible for a moment and reappearing naked]  I'm invisible. Can you see me?

  The Blue Raja , The Shoveller , Mr. Furious , The Sphinx , The Bowler , The Spleen : Yes!

  Mr. Furious : Wow.

  The Blue Raja : Two hands there, son.

  [Invisible Boy covers up] 

  The Bowler : Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.

• The Spleen : Why are you guys always dissing me? It hurts my feelings. I'm a superhero too. I have powers.

  Invisible Boy : Really? Like what?

  The Spleen : So glad you asked. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Well, it all started when I was just 13 years of age. One day, while walking with some friends, I accidentally cut the cheese. Well, in my adolescent awkwardness, I blamed it on an old gypsy woman who happened to be passing by. BIG MISTAKE! The gypsy woman placed a curse upon my head. Because I smelled it, she decreed I would forevermore BE HE WHO DEALT IT!

• The Shoveller : All right, I'll take point, you two flank. Let's triangulate.

  The Spleen : Equilateral or isosceles?

• [the Spleen is shot in the rear] 

  The Spleen : I CAN'T FEEL MY ASS. I CAN'T FEEL MY ASS.

  Invisible Boy : Do your powers still work?

  The Spleen : My powers?

  Invisible Boy : Yeah.

  The Spleen : Weapons check.

  [Invisible Boy pulls Spleen's fingers. Spleen lets loose a wind of gas, wiping out an entire gang] 

  The Spleen : It'll do.

• The Spleen : Hiya fellas. Word on the street is you're lookin' for superheroes.

• The Shoveller : And what do you call this?

  Dr. Heller : Careful, careful, that's a Blame Thrower!

  The Shoveller : A Blame Thrower? Oops.

  [He accidentally activates it] 

  The Shoveller : Oh, I'm sorry!

  [Suddenly the team breaks out into screaming cross-talk as they blame each other for trivia. 'I'm sorry if I smell all the time,' etc. Heller comes to their help and powers the Thrower down] 

  The Spleen : I'm sorry.

  The Bowler : I'm sorry.

  [Spleen leans over for a hug, but Bowler waves him away with an admonitory finger] 

  The Bowler : No, no. No. No no no. No.

  The Shoveller : Doctor, you *are* a genius.

  Dr. Heller : That's what the card says.

• Mr. Furious : I'm a wannabe. I AM a wannabe - a TRUE wannabe, in the worst sense of... You guys are gonna have to go fight this battle without me.

  The Spleen : You start doubting your super-powers, man, you are SHAFTED!

  Mr. Furious : If I had any super-powers to doubt, I w... I guess I'd be in trouble, but I don't. What do I do? I don't. I don't. I go... What do I... I go 'R-r-r-r-r-r'!

  The Spleen : What? What are you talking about? You lifted a bus once!

  The Blue Raja : Yes, precisely! That story's legend'ry!

  Mr. Furious : Yeah... It was really more of a...

  [waves hand sideways] 

  Mr. Furious : ... a push, really, than a lift.

  The Blue Raja : That still takes INCREDIBLE super-human strength.

  The Blue Raja : Indeed, it does! To push an entire bus out of the way.

  Mr. Furious : Well, actually, the driver kinda had his foot on the accelerator... JUST in the beginning; just to get it going. Then it actually was me. But he kinda...

  The Blue Raja : Oh, shit.

• PMS Avenger : [at the tryouts]  PMS Avenger. I only work 4 days a month. Anybody have a problem with that?

  The Blue Raja , Mr. Furious , The Shoveller , Invisible Boy , The Spleen : [nervously]  No, no problem at all. That's good for us. Thank you.

• The Spleen : Where's Captain Amazing?

  The Blue Raja : There's been a bit of a cock-up, actually...

  The Bowler : Raja murdered him!

  [an argument starts] 

  Mr. Furious : Guys, I think we have a bigger fish to fry right now!