Mystery Men (1999)

Tom Waits: Doc Heller

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dr. Heller : If you're gonna bust into that mansion, you're gonna need more than a station wagon.

  Mr. Furious : At the auto yard, there's this old Herkimer Battle Jitney. Sally's always telling me to junk it!

  Dr. Heller : Wait! You have a Herkimer Battle Jitney? That's the finest nonlethal military vehicle ever made!

• The Shoveller : Watch it, Spleen, you're going to kill someone with that thing!

  Dr. Heller : Oh, no, no, no. All these weapons are completely non-lethal.

  The Bowler : Wow. How wonderfully eccentric while simultaneously being a complete waste of our time. Good day, sir. I say good day.

• Dr. Heller : It's a psychofrakulator. It creates a cloud of radically-fluctuating free-deviant chaotrons which penetrate the synaptic relays. It's concatenated with a synchronous transport switch that creates a virtual tributary. It's focused onto a biobolic reflector and what happens is that hallucinations become reality and the brain is literally fried from within.

• Dr. Heller : That's a high-temperature fabric adhesive liquid projector, based on simple dry-cleaning technology. You aim that at a guy, and I'll tell you something: his clothes get so tight he can't even breathe.

• The Shoveller : And what do you call this?

  Dr. Heller : Careful, careful, that's a Blame Thrower!

  The Shoveller : A Blame Thrower? Oops.

  [He accidentally activates it] 

  The Shoveller : Oh, I'm sorry!

  [Suddenly the team breaks out into screaming cross-talk as they blame each other for trivia. 'I'm sorry if I smell all the time,' etc. Heller comes to their help and powers the Thrower down] 

  The Spleen : I'm sorry.

  The Bowler : I'm sorry.

  [Spleen leans over for a hug, but Bowler waves him away with an admonitory finger] 

  The Bowler : No, no. No. No no no. No.

  The Shoveller : Doctor, you *are* a genius.

  Dr. Heller : That's what the card says.

• Dr. Heller : [On the couch watching TV News of the action]  Did that frakulator work or what? What's the deal there?

• [first lines] 

  Dr. Heller : [offering an old lady candy at the Senior dance]  Would you like something sweet?

  Old Lady : [impressed]  Oh!

• [the team are working on the Herkimer Battle Jitney to prepare it for battle] 

  Dr. Heller : It's a process which results in an accelerated flow of electrons that creates such a powerful magnetic force.

  Invisible Boy : So this is, basically, like a huge electromagnet.

  Dr. Heller : Well, actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet. It's the next inevitable phase.