John Grin's Christmas (1986 TV Movie)

Robert Guillaume: John Grin

Photos 

Quotes 

• John Grin : [the "Angel of Death" steps through Grin's bathroom mirror]  ... Do I know you...? Should I?

  Ghost of Christmas Future : Nobody knows me. They plan me, but it never quite works out. They put me off, but I come anyway.

  John Grin : I don't have time for riddles.

  Ghost of Christmas Future : Do you mean to say our performance this evening has fallen on deaf ears? Alas; we worked so hard on it.

  John Grin : I don't think I want to know you. Close the door on your way out.

  Ghost of Christmas Future : Good Lord, man; if only it were that simple...! You are a bad man. You scoff at love. You frown at laughter. You create shadows where there should be sunlight. You have no wife.

  John Grin : I have money.

  Ghost of Christmas Future : You have no friends, no one who will mourn your passing.

  John Grin : I have *money*!

  Ghost of Christmas Future : You have no FUTURE.

• Mrs. Alcott : ...On behalf of the Children's Hospital, Mr. Grin, thank you for the toys.

  John Grin : What toys?

  Mrs. Alcott : The ones Mr. Kramer promised and donated to us, every year until he passed away. I don't know what we'd do without them. He was a saint.

  John Grin : Mr. Kramer was a POLITICIAN, that's what he was. Giving away things free of charge was how he got votes for his seat on the City Council. But since *I'm* not running for City Council, or anything else, I don't need to give away anything.

  Mrs. Alcott : Mr. Kramer also said that those toys were rejects, that they couldn't be sold.

  John Grin : Perhaps not to the Children's Hospital. If you want those toys, you'll have to pay for them - at full price.

  Mrs. Alcott : The hospital doesn't have that kind of money! Besides, to charge regular for REJECTED toys...!

  John Grin : You have no money? How unfortunate at this time of year. Good day, Mrs. Alcott.

• John Grin : Mr. Oliver, in case you can't read...

  [indicates a "DO NOT TOUCH" sign over the thermostat] 

  John Grin : ... If I've told you once, I've told you countless times to *leave the thermostat alone*.

  Sam Oliver : It's very cold in here, Mr. Grin. I wouldn't *need* to turn it up, if you...

  John Grin : It's 64 degrees. Anything warmer would be the tropics.

  Sam Oliver : [under his breath]  Perhaps to you.

  John Grin : [not amused]  I beg your pardon!

  Sam Oliver : Sir... Can't we all loosen up? Christmas IS just one day out of the year.

  John Grin : And for that, I'm extremely grateful. By the way, I want those accounts finished by tomorrow morning. And that means *all* of them.

  Sam Oliver : This is *Christmas Eve*! I'd be lucky to finish them ALL by the NEXT DAY.

  John Grin : So now we're not only celebrating Christmas but CHRISTMAS EVE, are we? What's next, Christmas *week*? You're not in grade school anymore, Mr. Oliver.

  [as Grin leaves, the thermostat turns itself up without being touched] 

• John Grin : [Grin peeks out from under his bed-sheets to see Christmas Past standing there]  I don't keep any money around here.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : It's not money I'm here for.

  John Grin : You must be the first one this month.

  [Christmas Past hands him a business card] 

  John Grin : "Christmas Past"? Whatever possessed your parents to name you that?

  Ghost of Christmas Past : To be more precise, I am the GHOST of Christmas Past.

  John Grin : If you're a ghost, I'm Cyrano de Bergerac.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : You haven't the heart for it.

  [he rubs his hands, causing thunder and lightning] 

  Ghost of Christmas Past : I beg your pardon; my hands are terribly dry. They tend to build up excessive static electricity; it's an occupational hazard.

  John Grin : Why don't you put some lotion on them?

  Ghost of Christmas Past : They'll be just fine, if no one upsets me... To put it bluntly, John Grin, most people your age have already shown far more concern for their immortal souls.

  John Grin : I knew it; you're an undertaker.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : I *used to be* an undertaker.

  John Grin : Now you've got me totally confused.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : That's not surprising.

  John Grin : You aren't making any sense.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : Let me see... How best could I put it, so that a person of your limited emotional resources might comprehend?

  John Grin : Try English.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : Is that your native tongue? Very well: Each year, it seems, there are a few miserable and miserly hard-noses who feel that a smile - or a hearty "Merry Christmas!" - would kill them.

  John Grin : What's all that got to do with me?

  Ghost of Christmas Past : [chuckles]  Oh, you are PRICELESS!

  John Grin : And YOU are obviously *deranged*. If you do not leave my property *immediately*, I will have you thrown out.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : [more thunder and lightning]  Do us both a favor, John Grin: GET REAL.

• John Grin : ...Mr. Oliver, give me the specifics of the latest contract.

  Sam Oliver : ...The latest raise was three years ago; they got a 6% increase. The cost of living has gone up 15%, which is what they're asking, but they'll settle for 10%.

  John Grin : Six percent, Mr. Watson. Take it or leave it.

  Mr. Watson : Mr. Grin, that's unreasonable.

  John Grin : *Six percent*. Take it or leave it, I said...

  Ghost of Christmas Past : I've seen tough in my time, and I've seen *tough*. But THIS!

  John Grin : [to Xmas Past]  These people often seem to forget who the company belongs to.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : Yet they can't fool *you*, can they?

  Mr. Watson : ...Mr. Grin, we have to reach some sort of an agreement here. As a Union rep, I'm obligated to ensure that the workers are dealt with fairly.

  John Grin : Well, Mister Union Rep... Since you also work for *me*, I'd say you have a tremendous conflict of interest.

  Sam Oliver : Sir, even if you give them what they're asking, the Firm will save a lot of money with this contract.

  John Grin : Mr. Oliver... If I followed that kind of advice, I'd go bankrupt in less than a month.

  Mr. Watson : Every time we talk contracts, it's the same thing: You want to pay us workers less than we're worth!

  John Grin : Well, as of this second, that's no longer your concern. You're fired!

  Mr. Watson : That's a direct violation of a specific agreement between the Union and the Firm!

  John Grin : Mr. Watson! Do I look, or sound, like I care what it's a violation of?

  Sam Oliver : He's right, Mr. Grin; by State Law, it'll have to go through Arbitration.

  John Grin : Mr. Oliver... If *you* like YOUR job, then kindly refrain from telling me who this will have to go through. As for you, Watson... if we were under *your* roof, I would have invited you outside for the way you just spoke to me. However, this is MY roof. Your employment has been terminated. And you can tell the Union that, if they don't like it, I can send a goon squad to deal with them. Who knows? Perhaps they can hire my workers - starting with Mr. Oliver here - to fix their office back up again afterwards. Because they sure aren't making themselves useful with me...!

  Ghost of Christmas Past : ...Really, did you feel that was called for?

  John Grin : What choice did he give me?

  Ghost of Christmas Past : Couldn't you have told him you'd think it over?

  John Grin : *He* should've thought it over, before shooting off his big mouth.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : Good Lord! I'm most grateful I never had to work for anyone like you.

  John Grin : I'll have you know I've fired better workers than him over less than that.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : Should I be surprised?

  [Clearly, he isn't surprised at all] 

  Ghost of Christmas Past : I wonder if you've gotten anything at all out of this.

  John Grin : Oh, I've gotten something out of this all right: a splitting headache.

  Ghost of Christmas Past : Perhaps it's *heartburn*. Moreover, perhaps it's what you NEED. With any luck at all, you and I will never need to meet again. One last thing: I urge you not to overlook Sam Oliver; he's a far better fellow than you've given him credit for. On that note, I wish you well.

  [disappears] 

• Ghost of Christmas Present : My man, my man...! I just dropped by to whip up a little Yuletide Cheer for you and yours! Can you dig it?

  John Grin : Don't you people ever rest?

  Ghost of Christmas Present : ...I didn't think it was possible for a man to be so totally unconcerned about other human beings, not until I saw you in action this afternoon.

  John Grin : If you came here to give me some sort of moral lesson, you're wasting your time!

  Ghost of Christmas Present : Grin, Grin, Grin... What are we going to do with you?

  John Grin : I have a suggestion: Leave me be!

  Ghost of Christmas Present : No can do. Sorry... You and I are tied together, Blood.

• Ghost of Christmas Present : [observing Sam Oliver's family on Christmas Eve]  ... Would you look at these people! What, do they own this house?

  John Grin : I presume so.

  Ghost of Christmas Present : You *presume* so? This guy works for you, doesn't he? Is he a trainee or something?

  John Grin : No, no... He's been my accountant, and a toy designer, for the past couple of years.

  Ghost of Christmas Present : Wow! He must be spending all his money on fast women, slow horses, rigged casinos, and booze.

  John Grin : What do you mean? He's got food on his table, presents under his tree, a roof over his head... Did I mention the tree?

  Ghost of Christmas Present : And that's your idea of making it, huh?

  John Grin : What more is there?

  Ghost of Christmas Present : I don't know. You tell me.

• Rocky : ...I'd like to get it tonight, Mrs. Clark, so that she can wake up to it on Christmas morning.

  Mrs. Clark : *She*? Ah, so you've got a girlfriend!

  Rocky : Yeah... In fact, it's for my mother.

  Mrs. Clark : Oh, now it adds up! How much do you want to spend?

  Rocky : I was wondering if there's anything around here I can do for you...?

  Ghost of Christmas Present : ...Do you see this kid pretending he's a good little worker? And *she's* so gullible, she's buying it! But YOU see right through that, don't you?

  John Grin : Of course I do. Most people aren't willing to work for what they *need*, let alone what they WANT. That's why you gotta keep after them.

  Rocky : ...I've emptied all your wastebaskets, Mrs. Clark. What's next?

  Mrs. Clark : Pick out whatever you want.

  Rocky : I don't feel like I've done anything yet.

  Mrs. Clark : You've done plenty. I'll have more work for you next week. So what shall we give your mom?

  Rocky : Thank you... I had my eye on this vase over here.

  Mrs. Clark : Let me just put this bow on it for you... Here you are; Merry Christmas to your mom.

  Rocky : Thanks and Merry Christmas, Mrs. Clark. See you next week!

  [Halfway down the block, he stumbles and drops the vase, which breaks] 

  John Grin : Can we go now? I've seen enough.

  Ghost of Christmas Present : Don't you want to see what's gonna happen to him...? I don't blame you; it's probably gonna be very gruesome. Listen, I gotta split soon; so what say I show you back to your crib... I learned something from you this trip: You gave me new respect for the word *indifference*. And your way with chumps is priceless; what style! I will never equivocate with losers again; from now on, my motto is as follows - "When they're down, they're out". I know YOU can dig it, my man... I'll let myself out.

  [he walks through the front door without opening it]