Get Real (1998)

Tim Harris: Kevin

Quotes 

• Kevin : Weren't you listening in there, Jes? Careful, you don't know what you might catch. Forget him. He's a...

  Jessica : He's a what? Poof? Queer? Faggot? Anything else you can think of?

  Steven's Mother : I'll tell you what else he is. He's my son, and I'm very proud of him. And if you do anything to hurt him, I'll have your bollocks for earrings.

• Jessica : It's not a gay story, it's a pervert story.

  Kevin : What's the difference?

  Wendy : You're not gay and you're a pervert.

• Kevin : [to Steve]  Oi, Carter! Not exactly an oil painting is she?

  Linda : No, she's cuddly. And until a few seconds ago, you assumed that because I'm a fat girl instead of some slim oil painting, I'd be gagging for a quick one in the doorway of Toys R Us! I can just imagine sex with you! Pathetic fumbling to find the bra strap, the slobbery kisses, belching into some poor girl's mouth because you had too much chili sauce on your kabab. And then, the main event which is either over in seconds or not at all because you're too fucking pissed!

  Kevin : So I take that as a definite no?

  Linda : Take it up your bum!

• Dave : Well, you don't look at the mantle piece when you're poking the fire, do ya?

  Kevin : What happens if you're poking the mantle piece?