Oh dear! Where to start? Well, this version of the classic fairy tale (which could kindly be called ''lousy'') was filmed in a long shuttered Florida amusement park called "Pirate's World". WHY it was called that is anyone's guess--but a documentary exploring that subject would have made more sense than this atrocity. The cast consists of "actors" so stiff they could pass for Redwood trees. The musical score sounds like a 6th grade class project. The "production values" consist of costumes which look like what the cast wore to an audition (though there probably wasn't one for this film) and the "sets" were probably constructed in somebody's back yard. There are the usual weird inconsistencies-- The Giant sports a Southern accent(!) Jack himself is a decidedly unvirile hero,and he has a sister, who has a boyfriend, both of whom add absolutely nothing to the plot--except more bad acting. And for a movie filmed at an amusement park, there's little evidence of it. But then, maybe THAT'S why the place shut down. Producer (and nudie specialist) Barry Mahon filmed three kiddie gems, but this one is the worst, and if you saw the other two "The Wonderful Land Of Oz" and "Thumbelina" that says it all. Both "Jack" and "Oz" are currently available on DVD as a double feature. An if you can watch them without laughing your head off, you need a serious medical check-up.
4 Reviews
Barry Mahon!
BandSAboutMovies3 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Barry Mahon was shot down over Germany and escaped - and was recaptured - at Stalag Luft III before being freed by Patton's 3rd Army. Once he got back to the U.S., he became the personal pilot and later the manager for Errol Flynn. Then, he learned how to use computers to predict the future box office for films, which does not explain how he made movies like Cuban Rebel Girls, Fanny Hill Meets Dr. Erotico, The Wonderful Land of Oz and Santa's Christmas Elf (Named Calvin).
Have you ever gone to an amusement park and they put on plays for the kids that are too worn out or too young for the rides? Yeah, this is like watching one of those for over an hour, with special effects that live up to neither of those two words. This is what I do with my free time. I sit and watch these movies and laugh like a maniac, then tell an uncaring and oh so cold world why they should be as passionate about total junk as I am.
Depending on how lucky - or unlucky - you were, you would have seen either Thumbelina or this movie within perhaps the most maniacal film ever made, 1972's Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny. Why? What does Jack or Thumbelina have to do with the holidays? More to the point, what does a bunny? Perhaps even more pressing is this question: What is an ice cream bunny?
This was a movie for kids, which leads to so many more questions. Why does it have hip 1970's slang? Why is it set in the present instead of the past, like every other version of this story? Why is Jack's family more like Cinderella's? Why does the giant sing the same song at least three - or a billion, it seems - times?
They used to let kids go to all day matinees of movies exactly like this, which some parents must have thought was some kind of reward. Imagine working hard all week at school and being gifted the magical wonder of this movie, which probably made no sense fifty years ago and even less today.
That said, I've thought about this movie way more than I will any film that will be released in 2020. Barry Mahon is kind of that way, equally fraught with wonder and madness, pain and pleasure. I'm brave enough to attempt to watch everything he ever made, so if you're stupid as well, I hope you'll join me.
Have you ever gone to an amusement park and they put on plays for the kids that are too worn out or too young for the rides? Yeah, this is like watching one of those for over an hour, with special effects that live up to neither of those two words. This is what I do with my free time. I sit and watch these movies and laugh like a maniac, then tell an uncaring and oh so cold world why they should be as passionate about total junk as I am.
Depending on how lucky - or unlucky - you were, you would have seen either Thumbelina or this movie within perhaps the most maniacal film ever made, 1972's Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny. Why? What does Jack or Thumbelina have to do with the holidays? More to the point, what does a bunny? Perhaps even more pressing is this question: What is an ice cream bunny?
This was a movie for kids, which leads to so many more questions. Why does it have hip 1970's slang? Why is it set in the present instead of the past, like every other version of this story? Why is Jack's family more like Cinderella's? Why does the giant sing the same song at least three - or a billion, it seems - times?
They used to let kids go to all day matinees of movies exactly like this, which some parents must have thought was some kind of reward. Imagine working hard all week at school and being gifted the magical wonder of this movie, which probably made no sense fifty years ago and even less today.
That said, I've thought about this movie way more than I will any film that will be released in 2020. Barry Mahon is kind of that way, equally fraught with wonder and madness, pain and pleasure. I'm brave enough to attempt to watch everything he ever made, so if you're stupid as well, I hope you'll join me.
Low Budget Camp
Michael_Elliott16 September 2016
Jack and the Beanstalk (1970)
** (out of 4)
Jack (Mitchell Poulos) is sent to town to sell the family cow but Honest John (Chris Brooks) convinces him to trade it for some magic beans. Jack blindly does this but sure enough a magical beanstalk grows where Jack is able to climb it and go up against a giant.
Barry Mahon made a number of children's movies towards the end of his career. All of this was done after years of making sexploitation and exploitation picture but I must say that this one here is decent enough as long as you don't go into it expecting anything other than low-budget camp.
I'm going to guess that this movie was shot for a couple thousand dollars because the special effects are certainly bad and all the scenes dealing with the "small" Jack going up against the "large" giant are really obviously done. The film was shot on a few sets and it really looks like they just re-enacted a play that might have been done at the amusement park.
As I said, no one should be going into this film expecting a "good" movie. The performances are what you'd expect to see at an amusement park and there's no question that not much is good on the technical side of things. JACK AND THE BEANSTALK thankfully runs just 63- minutes so it never overstays its welcome.
** (out of 4)
Jack (Mitchell Poulos) is sent to town to sell the family cow but Honest John (Chris Brooks) convinces him to trade it for some magic beans. Jack blindly does this but sure enough a magical beanstalk grows where Jack is able to climb it and go up against a giant.
Barry Mahon made a number of children's movies towards the end of his career. All of this was done after years of making sexploitation and exploitation picture but I must say that this one here is decent enough as long as you don't go into it expecting anything other than low-budget camp.
I'm going to guess that this movie was shot for a couple thousand dollars because the special effects are certainly bad and all the scenes dealing with the "small" Jack going up against the "large" giant are really obviously done. The film was shot on a few sets and it really looks like they just re-enacted a play that might have been done at the amusement park.
As I said, no one should be going into this film expecting a "good" movie. The performances are what you'd expect to see at an amusement park and there's no question that not much is good on the technical side of things. JACK AND THE BEANSTALK thankfully runs just 63- minutes so it never overstays its welcome.
worse than you can possibly imagine you could imagine
mangoman126 April 2019
Warning: Spoilers
This thing is horrid. No, seriously. I mean, SERIOUSLY seriously. Calling it bad truly is being kind. This thing makes Ed Wood look like Martin Scorsese. The adult lead is a middle-aged guy desperately trying to look hip; his hair is so bad it's pathetic, his belt/buckle is straight out of 1967 Haight-Ashbury, his clothes are the worst kind of polyester/double-knit.... You get the picture.
As an example of how bad the sets/props/etc. are, evil giants always have magic swag, right? So naturally there's a magic harp. Well, except there are *two*, both supposedly the same harp. One is noticeably smaller, & they're both made out of cardboard covered in wrinkled gold tin foil. The cardboard looks as though it were cut out freehand by a kindergartener with an X-Acto knife. And the "acting," oh, dear God....
The whole thing looks like it was a pageant put on by a Methodist Sunday School class combined from 1st grade to middle school. Compared to this its companion piece ("Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny") is Citizen Kane. It's just sad. The ONLY redeeming feature is that it's available as a Christmas special eviscerated by RiffTrax, & their version is the only one you should even *think* about watching. Otherwise, avoid at all costs!!
As an example of how bad the sets/props/etc. are, evil giants always have magic swag, right? So naturally there's a magic harp. Well, except there are *two*, both supposedly the same harp. One is noticeably smaller, & they're both made out of cardboard covered in wrinkled gold tin foil. The cardboard looks as though it were cut out freehand by a kindergartener with an X-Acto knife. And the "acting," oh, dear God....
The whole thing looks like it was a pageant put on by a Methodist Sunday School class combined from 1st grade to middle school. Compared to this its companion piece ("Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny") is Citizen Kane. It's just sad. The ONLY redeeming feature is that it's available as a Christmas special eviscerated by RiffTrax, & their version is the only one you should even *think* about watching. Otherwise, avoid at all costs!!
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