If You Only Knew (1999)
Alison Eastwood: Samantha
Quotes
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Parker Concorde : [apartment hunting] So, you don't have a problem rooming with guys?
Samantha : No. I mean, before David it was Dean, and then before Dean it was Philip, and before Philip... Well, anyway, you get the point. Yeah, I... I feel safer living with a man. Plus, I made some great friends.
Parker Concorde : So, you're not worried about things turning... romantic?
Samantha : Romantic?
Parker Concorde : I mean, you're very... You're a very attractive woman.
Samantha : Oh, thank you, Parker. That's why I only live with men who are gay.
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Samantha : That's the great thing about painting. If you don't like something, you just paint right over it and start fresh.
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Kate : Men are just giant artichokes. They're prickly and hairy and hard and... until you get to the heart.
Parker Concorde : Which is the best part.
Kate : Are you SURE you're gay?
Samantha : He is sweet, isn't he? You ever had your ass waxed?
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Samantha : [checking Parker's groceries] Oh, wow, my favorite - although I think you have it backwards, though. You're supposed to buy me dinner BEFORE we sleep together.
Parker Concorde : Oh... Well, you know I'm sexually dyslectic.
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Parker Concorde : Penny for your thoughts.
Samantha : Two bucks and you're on.
Parker Concorde : Okay, but it better be good.
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Tom : Sam, let me ask you something. When you needed a friend, was Parker a friend?
Samantha : What?
Tom : And when you needed a lover, wasn't Parker a great lover?
Samantha : GOOD lover.
Tom : Really? Because I seem to remember you saying, "Oh, Tom, he's such a great lover!"
Samantha : Okay! Okay.
Tom : And when you needed a gay roommate, wasn't Parker a gay roommate?
Samantha : Tom, what's your point?
Tom : Just this - that ever since I've known you, you've never been able to find the kind of man who was everything you needed... until now.
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Parker Concorde : You know, I'm glad you came around, because I was about to have a coronary.
Samantha : Yeah, me, too.
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[a knock at the door]
Samantha : [calling offscreen] That's Ben. Would you get that? Tell him I'll be out in a minute.
Parker Concorde : Only if I can unleash the animals.