Me, Myself & Irene (2000)

Jerod Mixon: Shonté Jr.

Photos 

Quotes 

• Shonte Jr. : Damn. I can't figure out the atomic mass of this motherfuckin' deuteron!

  Jamaal : Shit, man, that shit's simple! Okay. Tell me this. Tell me this.

  Shonte Jr. : What? What?

  Jamaal : What's a deuteron made up of?

  Shonte Jr. : Duh, a proton and a neutron.

  Jamaal : Then what's this motherfuckin' electron doing right there?

  Shonte Jr. : Shit, I don't know!

  Jamaal : Well, get it outta there then!

  Shonte Jr. : Okay, so, you're sayin' I add up the atomic masses of the proton and the neutron, right, I see's that, but what do I do with the goddamn electron? Can I bring it over here?

  Jamaal : Enrico Fermi'd roll over in his motherfucking grave if he heard that stupid shit. I mean, he'd just turn over ass up in your face. He wouldn't give a fuck!

  Lee Harvey : Hey, Jamaal, man, just cut my man some slack, dog.

  Jamaal : Look here, man, I'm just tryin' to help him save face, all right? I mean, you know, he keep askin' questions like that, motherfuckers gonna think he's stupid!

  Shonte Jr. : I ain't stupid.

  Jamaal : Aw, shit, man.

  Charlie Baileygates : Mornin', fellas.

  Lee Harvey : Oh, hey, Dad.

  Jamaal : Hey, Pops, how you doin', man?

  Charlie Baileygates : What's all the commotion down here?

  Jamaal : Oh, you know, just school shit and shit.

  Charlie Baileygates : How's my little guy doing?

  Shonte Jr. : Struggling. This quantum physics is confusing. If I don't buckle down, I'm gonna get myself another B-plus.

  Charlie Baileygates : Ooh, that'd be whack.

  Lee Harvey : Man, he so fuckin' dumb, he think calculus is a goddamn emperor.

  Jamaal : [bumping fists]  Give it up, dog.

  Shonte Jr. : Yeah, well, you think polypeptide's a motherfuckin' toothpaste!

• Jamaal : Lee Harvey, what's the diameter of a chicken egg?

  Lee Harvey : 4.08 centimeters.

  Jamaal : No, no, what's that in inches?

  Lee Harvey : 1.61, man, what the fuck you gettin' at, man?

  Jamaal : I got ten bucks saying I can squeeze a chicken egg up his ass without it breaking.

  Shonte Jr. : Man, you can't put no chicken egg up his ass, man, look at him, he a tightass.

  Jamaal : No, it can be done.

  Lee Harvey : Yo. I'll take that bet.

  [They bump fists] 

• [in a police helicopter on the ground] 

  Shonte Jr. : Anybody know how to fly this damn thing?

  Jamaal : Motherfucker, it can't be that hard, it's just lift versus drag and rotation.

  Lee Harvey : Yeah, man, get your head out your ass.

  Shonte Jr. : It's not that, man, the controls are written in German, ya asshole.

  Lee Harvey : Motherfucker, you speak German don't you?

  Shonte Jr. : Motherfucker, I can speak it, I ain't saying I can read the shit all that good.

  Jamaal : [Grabs instruction book]  You a motherfuckin' disgrace!

  [reading in German from the instruction book; subtitled] 

  Jamaal : Secure the aft doors and adjust the motherfucking rotor pedals!

  Shonte Jr. : Jawohl!

  Jamaal : [in German]  Now, disengage the goddamn inverter switch!

  Shonte Jr. : Jawohl!

  Jamaal : [in English]  Well, get this motherfucker off the ground!

• Shonte Jr. : Man how the hell can they call Pluto a planet? No motherfucking planet has an elliptical orbit. This shit don't make no sense.

• Jamaal , Lee Harvey , Shonte Jr. : Thanks for watching our motherfucking movie!

• [after Hank Evans has a bowel movement on the neighbor's lawn] 

  Shonte Jr. : Damn, do you think daddy's getting too much stress?

  Lee Harvey : I think he's getting too much shredded wheat by the mothafuckin' look of it!

• Shonte Jr. : [On Charlie's new chin]  He sure is a Spartacus looking motherfucker.