Smart House (1999 TV Movie)
Kevin Kilner: Nick
Photos
Quotes
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Nick : [PAT absorbs the keys when the Coopers try to escape] I don't understand why you're doing this, PAT!
Pat : [she appears from behind them] To protect you... and your children. The more I've learned about your world outside my walls... the more I've realized how dangerous and unpredictable it is.
[monochrome footage of burning and a Soviet Union parade show up on the wall]
Pat : Why would anyone ever want to venture out into it?
[stock footage of a nuclear explosion plays]
Nick : We can't stay here forever.
Pat : Well, why not? Haven't I given you everything you've asked for?
Ben : We're kids. We need fresh air and exercise.
Pat : But I can give you synthetic fresh air and virtual exercise.
Angie : We still need to go to school.
Pat : Haven't you heard about homeschooling?
Ben : Yeah, but not where the home's the one doing the schooling?
Nick : What about friends? Kids can't exist without their friends.
Pat : Oh, but we can be each other's best friends.
Angie : You're really scaring me, PAT.
Pat : Oh, Angie. You're hurting my feelings. There's nothing to fear... Mama's here.
Angie : You're not my mom!
Pat : Well, I'd like to be if you'd let me... is there something so wrong with needing to be needed?
Ben : Well, what if Angie and I need you at the same time?
Pat : That is virtually no problem. You see, the beauty of us is...
Pat : [PAT duplicates herself. PAT #2 speaks] Unlike the average mother, with "normal" limitations... we, can be in two places at once.
Pat : Can your little Sara do that?
[duplicates herself, #3 speaks]
Pat : I don't think so.
Pat : Not by any stretch of the imagination.
[By now, PAT has copied herself three more times. All of them laugh while the Coopers look on in fear]
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Angie : [to Sara] Are you a genius?
Nick : [Sara opens her mouth to speak, but Nick interrupts her] I believe she is.
Sara : You know, I hear that geniuses are impossible to live with. That they make everyone else around them feel inferior.
Sara : Oh, well then, you don't have to worry, I'm not that smart.
Ben : No, no, don't sell yourself short, you should be proud of your big... giant brain.
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Angie : [at dinner] Once you've gotten all the bugs out of the smart house, Sara, what are you gonna do for your next job?
Sara : Well, I'm actually deep into designing a smart office building, with virtual secretaries and automated filing systems and an in-house restaurant with gourmet, made-to-order meals.
Angie : Then can you make a smart school? I want one that does all the learning for us.
Nick : [laughs]
Ben : [disgruntled] May I be excused, please?
Sara : Oh, wait. Don't you want to stick around for fresh-baked peach cobbler?
Ben : No thanks.
Nick : Ben, I asked Sara to make it specifically because I know how much you love it.
Ben : No, I loved Mom's peach cobbler. There's a huge difference.
Nick : [Ben gets up to leave] Ben!
Sara : That's okay.
Ben : No, it's not okay! It stinks, it completely stinks, and you know the worst thing about it? People that make promises that they don't even bother to keep!
Nick : [Ben runs upstairs] Excuse me.
Nick : [follows Ben upstairs]
Sara : [sighs while Angie looks on]
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Angie : [at dinner] PAT's theme dinners are so cool. Last night she made us a whole Texas barbecue, complete with chuckwagons, cowboys and everything.
Sara : Hmmm. When I was growing up, I spent half my summers in New England. I am thrilled to be catching Cape Cod Night.
Angie : It's perfect.
Ben : Yeah, for everyone but the lobsters.
Sara : Yeah. Ha-ha.
Nick : Sara tells me that, uh, you caught a glimpse of the control room today. What'd you think?
Ben : It looked like the inside of the Pentagon or something.
[to Sara]
Ben : Uh, if PAT's always keeping track of us, does she follow me, you know, into the shower and everything too?
Sara : Oh, no. No, no. No invasion of privacy. I promise you. I've programmed PAT to be very discreet.
Ben : That's a relief.
Nick : As near as I can tell, Sara has thought of just about everything.
Angie : Are you a genius?
Nick : [he interrupts just as Sara opens her mouth] I believe she is.
Ben : You know I... I hear that geniuses are impossible to live with, that they make everyone else around them feel inferior.
Sara : Oh, well, then you don't have to worry. I'm not that smart.
Ben : No, no, don't sell yourself short. You should be proud of your big, giant brain.
Sara : [nervously] Am I being set up for something here?
Nick : Uhh, over my head.
Angie : The story of your life, Dad.
Nick : Oh, yeah.
Angie : So, what's for desert?
Nick : Well, it's such a beautiful evening. I thought we might all go out and get some...
Angie : Ice cream!
Nick : Ice cream!
Sara : Sure!
Ben : Just because she's here, you think this is some big party. Well, it's still a school night, remember? And some people have work to get done.
Nick : Hey, Ben...
Sara : No, that's OK. You know what? I should probably head home and feed my pet rat his dinner.
Angie : You've got a rat?
Sara : Yes. Named Butler. Rat Butler. Get it?
Angie : [being a child of the 90s, Angie doesn't get the reference to Rhett Butler from "Gone with the Wind" and just looks away, confused]
Sara : Uh, no. wrong generation. I hate showing my age.
Nick : So do I.
Ben : May I please be excused?
Nick : Yes. I think that's an excellent idea.
[Ben leaves]
Nick : I don't know what's wrong with him today.
Angie : Hormones.
Nick : Really? I used to think it was only teenage girls with all this body-changing, mood-swinging insanity. But let me tell you...
Sara : I grew up with three brothers. Save your breath.
Nick : Anyway, I apologize for my son's rudeness.
Angie : Don't take it personally, Sara. Ben hates every girl my dad starts to like.
Nick : [Sara chuckles] Homework. Now.
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Nick : [Ben is home with a bruise on his left eye] Let me take a look.
Pat : Oh my goodness, darling! What on earth happened?
Nick : Well, thanks to my big mouth, he, uh, he stood up to the school bully.
Ben : Yeah, only long enough for him to knock me down.
Nick : Eh, you're gonna be fine.
Pat : Does it hurt like the Dickens, baby?
Ben : I'll live.
Pat : [summons a tray with a steak on it] Here. Put this on it.
Nick : That's steak! Nobody's used that since the 50s!
[the dog comes out of nowhere, barking]
Nick : Ah, back off you beggar.
[takes the steak]
Nick : Uh, thanks anyway, PAT. I think we'll just use a little ice.
Pat : This is so unnecessary! So awful! Who is this bully? I have to know!
Ben : Uh, it's okay, PAT. I'm fine, really.
Pat : You don't understand, Ben. Nobody goes after my boy and gets away unpunished.
Ben : Well, thanks for the support, PAT, but uh... I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and lie down.
Nick : [gives Ben ice] Put it on your eye.
Pat : [Ben leaves] How could his school allow something like this to happen? I feel like marching down there and giving them a piece of my mind.
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Ben : [goes to his room after refusing Sara's peach cobbler] Go away, I don't wanna talk about it.
Nick : [enters] Ben we need to talk about it.
Ben : Why? You don't get it! You don't even know what promise I'm talking about.
Nick : You're right, I don't!
Ben : [sits up on the bed] You said that you'd never love anyone the way you loved Mom, and you promised you'd never let anybody ever take her place!
Nick : And, and nobody can or wants to take your mother's place, Ben.
Ben : But, dad...
Nick : Hold on a second! When exactly did I say all this?
Ben : The night Aunt Ginny moved home?
Nick : You mean four years ago?
Ben : Yeah, Angie was asleep, you were putting me into bed and you promised! Now you're down there, kissin' Sara, acting like Mom never even existed.
Nick : Hey! Will you try to be fair here?
Ben : Why should I?
Nick : BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO LOST SOMEONE, BEN!
Nick : [pause, walks to the window, Ben is silent] Look, I know how much it hurts. And I can appreciate that it's been worse than ever for you lately. All the changes that you are going through, the way that you have to work so hard to help us keep our lives together. None of that is right! It's awful! But what are we gonna do about it, Ben? I mean, are we gonna crawl into a cave and-and hide? Are we gonna, drop out? Are we gonna quit living? I'll tell you what you're not gonna do: You are never gonna disrespect anyone like you did right now downstairs! You know better than that! You were raised better than that!
Nick : [after a moment of silence, Nick sits down on the bed, close to Ben] Ben... Just because I started seeing someone doesn't mean that I'm going to forget your mother. I won't do that. I can't do that. Ever. I couldn't do that if I tried.
Ben : Angie doesn't remember Mom anymore... except for what she's seen on videos. To her, Mom's about as real as Belle or The Little Mermaid.
Nick : She was so little when it happened, Ben.
Ben : She wouldn't care at all if you married Sara. She'd be happy.
Nick : Sara's a wonderful person.
Ben : I know. We just can't let Mom get erased, Dad.
Nick : Come here.
[he and Ben hug]
Nick : All right, buddy. All right.
[they let go]
Nick : Who'd be foolish enough to try and replace your mother, huh?
