Bad Girls (1999–2006)

Helen Fraser: Sylvia Hollamby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sylvia Hollamby : Do I look like I was born yesterday?

  Yvonne Atkins : Not unless you age at the speed of light.

• Sylvia Hollamby : I've been in this job too long...

  Nikki Wade : 50 years, now is it?

• Sylvia Hollamby : All right, lets have you.

  Nikki Wade : In your dreams, love.

• Sylvia Hollamby : Tull... Beverly.

  Bev Tull : Hollamby... Bodybag.

• Sylvia Hollamby : Joan McParlan?

  [no-one stands] 

  Sylvia Hollamby : ... Sister Thomas Moore?

  [Sister Thomas stands] 

  Sylvia Hollamby : If you think you have the right to call yourself that... been stealing from the poor little black babbies, haven't you? There really isn't anyone you can trust these days.

  Sister Thomas More : If you consider stealing - to be making sure that money raised by generous Christians actually goes direct to the mission it was intended - then I'm guilty as charged. But I'd rather think, that helping the poor and starving of Africa is more important than lining in the pockets of greedy administrators in London.

  Sylvia Hollamby : Don't give me that - embezzlement and theft! You can stand there looking all saintly with your rosary and that gettup... but your worse than a common thief! Using God to cover up your crimes!

  Sister Thomas More : I see you've made your mind up about me and I'm sorry about that, but I'm quite prepared to spend six months of the given sentence if it is God's will. He knows righteousness, and he is the only judge I bow before.

• Jim Fenner : I'm gonna swing for that bloody cow one of these days.

  Sylvia Hollamby : You'll get in line like the rest of us.

• Sylvia Hollamby : Zandra Plackett's got more junk in her than Steptoe's back yard.

• Sylvia Hollamby : Do you think I was born yesterday?

  Yvonne Atkins : If he does, he needs glasses.

• Sylvia Hollamby : Miracle, my eye.

• Sylvia Hollamby : Wake, my backside.

• Sylvia Hollamby : Miracle, my foot.

• Sylvia Hollamby : If you think we're manning the barricades while you drool and dribble into that thing then...

  Gina Rossi : Cut the crap, Sylvia. You never ring your old man to tell him to get your haemorrhoid cream? Poor sod.

  Sylvia Hollamby : You leave my Bobby out of it.

• Sylvia Hollamby : You know, I'm not convinced he's a lawyer, he didn't look devious enough.

• Sylvia Hollamby : You don't know what Bobby and I are going through right now. Shall I tell you how many people he's buried in the first half of this tax year? Five... and two of them were children

  Jim Fenner : Shit, poor kids!

  Sylvia Hollamby : Poor us, Jim! Half the coffin, half the profit!

  [about Shell Dockley] 

  Sylvia Hollamby : And now we wake up to this nightmare coming back to haunt us! Why couldn't you have chucked her in the canal and drowned her properly!

  Jim Fenner : I'll tell you why, because she's pregnant!

• Tina Purvis : Hiya, Mrs Hollamby! Bet you didn't expect to see me again so soon, eh?

  Sylvia Hollamby : I'm surprised it's taken you as long, O'Kane - your sort always get vertigo on the straight and narrow.

• Colin Hedges : [handing Sylvia an envelope]  Looks official.

  Sylvia Hollamby : Dear God, what have I done now?

• Sylvia Hollamby : You! Tull!

  Bev Tull : [turns to face Sylvia and gasps]  Mrs. Hollamby, you look appalling!

  Phyl Oswyn : You've swollen up like a balloon.

  Sylvia Hollamby : No thanks to you. All that drink-your-own-urine nonsense. You've been having me on, admit it.

  Bev Tull : I've told you all I know. I mean, I never believed it would work because I never believed in the stupid curse in the first place. But, if you want to drink your own wee four times a day...

  Sylvia Hollamby : [interrupting]  Four times a day?

  Bev Tull : It's all to do with a regular dosage of uric acid.

  Sylvia Hollamby : You never said four times. I can barely bare to choke it down once a day.

  Bev Tull : Well, then don't. I mean, I'm only responsible for serving you tea and biscuits.

• Tina Purvis : What you playing at? I'm doing the sodding lot out here.

  Phyl Oswyn : Careful, Tina, the Voodoo Dolly might hear you.

  Sylvia Hollamby : I wouldn't let that concern you, O'Kane.

  [to Phyl and Bev] 

  Sylvia Hollamby : Seems that Voodoo Doll turned out to be my lucky charm - thanks to an inheritance, I'm a property millionairess. Now get off your backsides and start working or you're sacked!

• Di Barker : I'll be off now.

  Sylvia Hollamby : I sometimes wonder who's got more rights, us or the cons.

  Di Barker : I'll soon be back.

  Sylvia Hollamby : Course.

  Dr. Malcolm Nicholson : Jim'll fix it.

• Sylvia Hollamby : Age?

  Laura Canning : Eighteen.

  Laura Canning : Religion?

  Laura Canning : Christian.

  Sylvia Hollamby : Hmm... Next of Kin?

  Laura Canning : [shakes her head no] 

  Sylvia Hollamby : Dispatched them all, have you?