M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Goodbye, Farewell and Amen (1983)

William Christopher: Father Francis Mulcahy

Quotes 

• [the war is over, and the company is saying their goodbyes] 

  Col. Potter : Well, Francis, you've been a godsend.

  Father Mulcahy : Look on the bright side: When they tell us to serve our time in Purgatory, we can say, "No thanks, I've done mine."

• Father Mulcahy : Dear Lord, I know there must be a reason for this, but what is it? I answered the call to do your work. I've devoted my life to it, and now, how am I supposed to do it? What good am I now? What good is a deaf priest? I pray to you to help me, and every day I get worse. Are you deaf, too?

• Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : Thanks for your help, Father.

  Father Mulcahy : Francis John Patrick Mulcahy - remember that if you name any children after me.

• Father Mulcahy : [on the phone]  Hello, Hawkeye. Need anything? Can we send you anything down to you?

  Hawkeye : [in the psychiatric ward]  Yeah, how about a band-aid for my finger? I got a blister from going

  [strumming his lips] 

  Hawkeye : blblblblbl...

• Father Mulcahy : I was anxious to get back to the parish, and coaching boxing for the C.Y.O., but lately I've gotten kind of interested in working with the deaf. Of course, not doing parish work, I'll miss hearing confession, but after listening to you people for so long, I think I've just about heard it all.

• B.J. : You know, Father, the first time I've met you, I thought there's this nice decent guy, kind of sweet and gentle, you know? How's he ever gonna last out here? I got to tell you, you're just about the toughest bird I know.

  Father Mulcahy : Well, I'm certainly a lot luckier than some of the people we've seen come through here.

• [Hawkeye drives the tank into the "4077th trash dump," in an attempt to prevent bombshell explosions from coming so close to the 4077th unit. Some of the members applaud] 

  Hawkeye : I don't know why I always have to take out the trash.

  [Some of the members laugh] 

  Father Mulcahy : I wonder if his discharge from the hospital was a bit premature.

  Col. Potter : I'm putting in a call to Sidney.

• [a few minutes ago, Hunnicutt got orders to go home] 

  Col. Potter : I can't run a hospital without surgeons. Who's supposed to replace you?

  B.J. : What would you say if we found a first-class surgeon to take my place?

  Father Mulcahy : That's fair enough.

  Col. Potter : Well...

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Come on, we'll try.

  Col. Potter : I guess I'd say bon voyage.

• Father Mulcahy : Do you, Soon-Lee, take Maxwell, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honor, and cherish, to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

  Soon-Lee Klinger : I do.

  Father Mulcahy : Do you, Maxwell, take Soon-Lee, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love, honor, and cherish, to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : You bet I do.

  Father Mulcahy : I now pronounce you husband and wife.

• Maj. Winchester : Well, goodbye, Father. I must say you've made this hellhole a trifle less unbearable.

  Father Mulcahy : It certainly is.

  Maj. Winchester : What? What?

• [an explosion occurs] 

  Maj. Winchester : I thought we had a system here, they fire three rounds and they move on.

  Father Mulcahy : Wait a minute, what happened to that pattern they had of firing off three rounds and then going away?

  Maj. Winchester : Good question... again.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Aren't those idiots afraid of being spotted?

  Col. Potter : I guess they figure the tank's worth the risk.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Or maybe they brought in a second mortar squad.

  [Another explosion occurs] 

  Maj. Winchester : Or maybe a third.

  Hawkeye : Well, the "more-tar" merrier, ha ha ha!

• [Some of the 4077th members are about to leave for the 8063rd] 

  Nurse Kellye : Wait a minute, I'm taking my hometown home. Come on!

  [She takes the "Honolulu" sign off of the signpost; some of the other 4077th members take off their other signs] 

  Father Mulcahy : Let me have Coney Island.

• Father Mulcahy : [leaving the 4077th unit]  Goodbye everybody! I'll pray for you.

• Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio : In addition, one-fourth of all Koreans are homeless, and 100,000 are orphans.

  Father Mulcahy : What did he say? How many orphans?

  B.J. : 100,000, Father.

  Father Mulcahy : Dear God!

• PA System Announcer : Attention, all personnel, we're patched into Armed Forces Radio for a special broadcast. It sounds big, folks.

  Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio : This is Robert Pierpoint in Seoul. I've just returned from outside the newly built conference hall in Panmunjon. The hall is a symbol of the renewed hope for peace. It is almost finished, and you can still smell the greenness of the wood. Two years of constant disappoint have made skeptics of us all. However, the word from Panmunjon today is that an armistice agreement may be reached at almost any hour. While one of the bloodiest battles of the war rages on, it seems peace is finally within our grasp.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : [joyfully throwing some papers up in the air "in celebration"]  Yee-hee! Woo-hoo!

  Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio : ... translating the truce document which has not yet been completed.

  Father Mulcahy : [trying to listen to the radio broadcast while some other people in the mess tent were conversing]  Quiet! Shut your traps!

  Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio : ... But after a week of secret sessions in Panmunjon, the red delegates have finally announced they will discuss preparations for signing the armistice agreement. There is certainly some distance to go in these negotiations, but for the first time in over three years, the end of this bloody road that we've traveled seems only steps away. This is Robert Pierpoint in Seoul.