M*A*S*H (TV Series)

Goodbye, Farewell and Amen (1983)

Harry Morgan: Col. Sherman T. Potter

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the war is over, and the company is saying their goodbyes] 

  Col. Potter : Well, Francis, you've been a godsend.

  Father Mulcahy : Look on the bright side: When they tell us to serve our time in Purgatory, we can say, "No thanks, I've done mine."

• Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : I thought when the war was over it'd be the happiest day of my life. But everything's all messed up. Now I'm in love, and I got nothing but trouble.

  Col. Potter : Listen, when you're in love, you're always in trouble. There's only two things you can do about it - either stop loving them, or love them a whole lot more.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : But if you love them a whole lot more, won't that just get you a lot more trouble?

  Col. Potter : Yep - then you love them even more.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : Boy, that sounds tough.

  Col. Potter : It's murder.

• Broadcaster from Armed Forces Radio : In human terms, the cost was much greater. The U.N. forces have suffered the following casualties - Killed in combat - 71,500. Missing and captured - 83,263. Wounded - 250,000.

  Hawkeye : [operating on a/another wounded soldier]  Make that two hundred fifty thousand and one.

  B.J. : And two.

  Col. Potter : Three.

  Maj. Winchester : Four.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : And there's twelve more out in the hall.

• Col. Potter : Well, boys - it would be hard to call what we've been through fun, but I'm sure glad we went through it together.

• Col. Potter : Goodbye, Margaret. I know you've got your career in order, don't forget to have a happy life, too.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : You dear, sweet man. I'll never forget you.

• [Chinese musicians were playing off-key] 

  Maj. Winchester : No, no, no, no, hold it, hold it. Dolce! Dolce! Dolce!

  Col. Potter : The Chinese have been torturing Winchester for a week now.

• Col. Potter : You boys always managed to give me a laugh right when I needed it most. I'll never forget the time you dropped Winchester's drawers in the O.R. Of course I had to pretend I was mad at you, but inside, I was laughing to beat all hell.

• [Maj. Winchester, in his pajamas, brings several POWs into camp] 

  Col. Potter : Winchester, I think there's definitely a medal for capturing five Chinese in your bathrobe.

• [Hawkeye drives the tank into the "4077th trash dump," in an attempt to prevent bombshell explosions from coming so close to the 4077th unit. Some of the members applaud] 

  Hawkeye : I don't know why I always have to take out the trash.

  [Some of the members laugh] 

  Father Mulcahy : I wonder if his discharge from the hospital was a bit premature.

  Col. Potter : I'm putting in a call to Sidney.

• [B.J. is planning on returning to his home and celebrating his daughter's birthday; he has five minutes before he can leave] 

  Col. Potter : Five minutes? I haven't got your replacement yet!

  B.J. : Jacobson is due here first thing in the morning. This is the only connection I could get.

  Col. Potter : [his voice cracking]  Aw, what the heck. Send me a piece of birthday cake.

  B.J. : [hugging Col. Potter]  Thank you. Look, I--this is not the way I wanted to--

  Col. Potter : Go, you're fighting the clock.

• Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : Colonel? Colonel, this just came in the mail. Captain Hunnicutt's travel orders have been rescinded. What should I do?

  Col. Potter : [the helicopter that B.J. is seated in takes off]  Now, what was all that, son? I couldn't hear you over the chopper.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : Nothing, sir. I guess it's too late now.

• [an explosion occurs] 

  Hawkeye : Okay, boys and girls, time to do something intelligent.

  [He stands up] 

  Hawkeye : Since I seem to be the only intelligent person here, I nominate me, all in favor, say aye.

  Col. Potter : Take your seat, Pierce.

  Hawkeye : Uh-uh, sorry, sorry, I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the "A" train, I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take five.

  [He walks out of the O.R] 

• Dr. Sidney Freedman : B.J.!

  B.J. : Hey, Sid, get your red-hot hot dogs.

  Col. Potter : Folks, can I have you attention? I need Captain Hunnicutt. Would the hot dog man please get his buns over here?

• B.J. : A big glass of fresh, ice cold milk.

  Hawkeye : For me, a banana. And of course, what's a banana without a piece of chocolate cake?

  [Some other people in the O.R. laugh] 

  Hawkeye : What are you laughing at? It's wonderful.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : It is delicious - I'm going to take a three-hour bubble bath.

  Nurses : Oh, yeah.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : How about you, Colonel - what's the first thing you want when you get home?

  Col. Potter : Well, I like fresh corn. I mean real fresh corn. So I think maybe I'll just take a hot plate out to the garden, make a pot of boiling water, then I won't even pick that corn - I'll bend that stalk till the ear dips into the water, and I'll eat it right there standing up. Scrumptious!

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : How about you, Charles, what are you looking forward to?

  Maj. Winchester : I am looking forward to a hemostat.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [handing Winchester a hemostat]  Hemostat - there's no need to bite my head off.

  Maj. Winchester : Sponge.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : [handing Winchester a sponge]  Sponge. You know, I just don't see why some people can't be grateful if other people try to help them.

  Maj. Winchester : Don't you?

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : I think a person is lucky if somebody cares enough to help. Where would I be without my father's help?

  Maj. Winchester : Oh, where indeed? He's pulling in three different directions, if you get any luckier, there's going to be a piece of you in every corner of the world.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Maybe some people just can't feel gratitude.

  Maj. Winchester : Maybe some people like having other people run their lives, but some people don't.

• Col. Potter : Tomorrow, the tents of the 4077 will be coming down... for good. For an awful long time we've been living together, eating together...

  Unknown 4077th member : Sleeping together.

  Col. Potter : Well, I wouldn't know, I have a horse.

• [a few minutes ago, Hunnicutt got orders to go home] 

  Col. Potter : I can't run a hospital without surgeons. Who's supposed to replace you?

  B.J. : What would you say if we found a first-class surgeon to take my place?

  Father Mulcahy : That's fair enough.

  Col. Potter : Well...

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Come on, we'll try.

  Col. Potter : I guess I'd say bon voyage.

• [Col. Potter bids farewell to Hawkeye and B.J] 

  Col. Potter : Well, boys, it would be hard to call what we've been through fun, but I'm sure glad we went through it together. You boys always managed to give me a good laugh, right when I needed it most. Never forget the time you dropped Winchester's drawers in the O.R. 'Course I had to pretend I was mad at you but, inside...

  [emotionally] 

  Col. Potter : I was laughin' to beat all Hell.

  Hawkeye : Yeah. I'm laughing just thinking about it.

  B.J. : I love a good laugh like this.

• Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : Colonel - look at that sunset. What a beautiful ending for a beautiful day.

  Col. Potter : Yeah, it'd be a nice sunset if it was setting over there.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : What do you mean?

  Col. Potter : Ever since I've been around, the sun's always set in the west.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : Then, what's that?

  Col. Potter : I once saw that same kind of glow in the Ardenne forest. The next day, there wasn't any forest left. You'd better get on the phone to ICORPS. If that fire's headed this way, we're headed out.

• Col. Potter : [on the phone]  Pierce, we miss you here.

  Hawkeye : [in the psychiatric ward]  I miss me there, too. It's lonely here, especially at night. I do hear the guy in the next room. He cries all night.

• Maj. Winchester : I don't understand why it should take so long to construct a simple potty shed.

  Col. Potter : Winchester, you'll just have to use the ravine latrine like everybody else. Rome wasn't built in a day.

  Maj. Winchester : Rome? Rome?

• [a "first" explosion occurs at the M*A*S*H unit] 

  Col. Potter : Everybody, hug a sandbag!

  Maj. Winchester : [running for cover]  Get out of my way!

  Maj. Winchester : [a "second" explosion occurs] 

  [to Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger] 

  Maj. Winchester : I thought you said you had everything under control.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : I did! Even I was fooled by that tent. I almost delivered mail there.

  Col. Potter : Well, it didn't fool them, they know that tank's here someplace. They ain't seen it driven out in the daytime, and they ain't heard it driven out at night.

  [a "third" explosion occurs] 

  Col. Potter : Okay, that's three. Get ICORPS on the phone, time to kick some ear.

• [Maj. Winchester was being followed by Chinese musicians, who in turn just ended their song] 

  Col. Potter : Don't you think a portable radio would be more convenient?

• [an explosion occurs] 

  Maj. Winchester : I thought we had a system here, they fire three rounds and they move on.

  Father Mulcahy : Wait a minute, what happened to that pattern they had of firing off three rounds and then going away?

  Maj. Winchester : Good question... again.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Aren't those idiots afraid of being spotted?

  Col. Potter : I guess they figure the tank's worth the risk.

  Maj. Margaret Houlihan : Or maybe they brought in a second mortar squad.

  [Another explosion occurs] 

  Maj. Winchester : Or maybe a third.

  Hawkeye : Well, the "more-tar" merrier, ha ha ha!

• Col. Potter : [after a third consecutive explosion]  Okay, that's three - let's see if there's any damage.

  [Another explosion occurs immediately] 

  Hawkeye : That was a hell of a short intermission. I didn't even have time to buy an orange drink.

• Col. Potter : [after a phone call with ICORPS]  ICORPS. I am specifically ordered not to touch that tank, and it may be days before the owner comes and gets it.

  Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger : What don't you just tell them this is a hospital? As long as that tank is here, we're a target.

  Col. Potter : Boy, you must think I am the biggest dunce since the monkey wrapped his tail around the flagpole. Don't you think that's what I told him? I can take care of my job. You go act like a sergeant, unless you want to try something lower.

• [Maj. Winchester was followed by Chinese musicians, one of whom was pushing a motorcycle] 

  Maj. Winchester : [to Col. Potter]  I believe these gentlemen have surrendered.

  Col. Potter : [to one of the POWs' guards]  Let's get them inside and process them, Corporal.

  [to those Chinese musicians] 

  Col. Potter : Come on, boys. Not too much solid food right away.

  Col. Potter : [to one of the POWs' guards]  They probably couldn't hold it down.

  B.J. : [pushing that motorcycle]  I'll make sure the motorcycle doesn't escape.