Road Trip (2000)

DJ Qualls: Kyle

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Quotes 

• Kyle : It's not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off.

  [Josh, Rubin and E.L. are understandably repulsed] 

  Kyle : Because it's your dog.

  Rubin : Jesus Christ!

  Kyle : You know, because it's YOUR dog, get it?

  Rubin : Yeah, we've got it.

• Frat member : [Holding up a white hood]  Are you in the Ku Klux Klan?

  Josh : Whoa whoa, that isn't ours.

  Kyle : That's not mine!

  Josh : OK, hold on, th-there's obviously some explanation.

  Frat member : There is. See your boy here's an evil bigot, and now he's gonna die.

  Kyle : [faints] 

• E.L. : Well, there are these rules that guys have, an understanding as to what exactly constitutes cheating. Take your situation for example: it's not cheating. It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state.

  Kyle : That makes no sense.

  E.L. : Hey, don't look at me Kyle, OK, I didn't make up the rules.

  Rubin : No no, this is legit, I- I've actually read an article about this. There's a whole bunch of them, it's like- they're like loopholes. Right, for argument's sake, let's say that you were sleeping with two girls at the same time, it- it wouldn't be cheating because they would cancel each other out.

  E.L. : Exactly. Or if, uh, you're too wasted to remember- it is not cheating. Because if you can't really remember it, it never really took place.

• Earl Edwards : Oh, bullcrap! This is ridiculous! Why didn't you tell us where you were?

  Kyle : Because I knew you'd get mad! See, look how mad you are.

  Earl Edwards : [angrily]  I'M NOT MAD!