Chopper (2000)

Eric Bana: Chopper

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Quotes 

• Chopper : Why would I shoot a bloke BANG, then drive him to the bloody car and wizz him off to the hospital at a hundred miles an hour? It defeats the purpose of having shot him in the first place.

• Chopper : Jimmy, if you keep stabbing me, you're going to kill me.

• Chopper : Look, all I can tell you is what I've already told Mister Beasley: none of us saw anything. It was just one of those things: Bluey Barnes was reading a magazine; Ambrose Hatcheson was taking a piss; Johnny Price was washing his hands; Jimmy Loughnan was watching a bullant crawl across the table, and I was watching Jimmy watching the bullant.

• Chopper : I'm just a bloody normal bloke. A normal bloke who likes a bit of torture.

• Chopper : Look. The bloke's been me best mate since 1975. We've had our fallouts from time to time, it's no big deal. Y'know, it's like... if ya mum stabs ya, whaddya do? Y-ya don't get upset. Ya don't get angry, ya go, "Shit, mum's stabbed me, I better get off to the hospital."

• Chopper : Even Beethoven had his critics. See if you can name three of them.

• Chopper : [Jimmy has stabbed Chopper seven times]  It's all right, Jimmy. I don't hate you. You just broke my heart.

• Detective Cooney : We know you didn't shoot the Turk.

  Chopper : I just told you I shot the Turk.

  Detective Downie : They've picked up the bloke that did it.

  Chopper : What fucking bloke that did it? *I* did it.

  Detective Downie : No, Homicide have picked up the guy, right? They've even got the murder weapon.

  Chopper : What murder weapon?

  Detective Cooney : .410 shotgun.

  Chopper : [Pulls out his shotgun]  Here. This bloody .410 shotgun.

  Detective Downie : Put it away, Mark. Just put the bloody thing away. This thing's a .410. Fine, it's a .410. There's a fucking million .410s out there. That's not the .410 that did it.

  Chopper : [incredulous]  You don't want this? It's a fucking murder weapon!

• Detective Downie : [about Neville]  So you took him to the hospital?

  Chopper : No, I didn't take him to the bloody hospital. Now tell me this, right? Why would I shoot a bloke - BANG - and then put him in the bloody car and whiz him off to the hospital at a hundred miles an hour? It defeats the purpose of having shot him in the first place. What's more, it's bloody insulting, it's bloody insulting. I mean, am I the only bloody standover man in the country who provides a medical plan for some of these characters?

• Keith Read : I just saw on the TV that a man was shot at Bojangles. I thought it was you.

  Chopper : Well, it couldn't have been me, could it? Else I wouldn't be standing here.

• Chopper : Oh, Keithy. I always thought I was a good bloke.

  Keithy George : Ha. What did you ever do that was good?

  Chopper : Well, I bashed you. That was good, wasn't it? It was good for a bit of a giggle, anyway.

• Chopper : No, I did not drive him to the hospital! Do I look like Mother Teresa to you?

• Chopper : He couldn't knock the fluff off a cappuccino.

• Jimmy Loughnan : [Chopper holds a gun to Jimmy's face]  Mark, Mark, Mark, no! You're being fucking paranoid!

  Chopper : Well, just because I'm being paranoid doesn't mean people aren't trying to kill me.

• Interviewer : You've written a best-seller...

  Chopper : Yeah, I know - and I can't even bloody spell. What about those poor bloody academics, those college graduates, battling their guts out to write some airy-fairy piece of exaggerated artwork? And here's a bloke, sitting in a cell, who can't spell, and he's written a best-seller. It's sold two hundred and fifty thousand copies. And it's still selling. And he's writing another one. And I can't even spell. I'm semi-bloody-illiterate.

• Chopper : Look, you're not still angry at me about the leg, are you?

  Neville Bartos : Nah, forget about it.

  Chopper : Because I don't know if you remember, Neville, but I had that bloody shotgun pointed at your head. I reconsidered and dropped it down to your kneecap. Remember?

  Neville Bartos : Forget about it. All right?

  Chopper : I mean, what the bloody hell were you doing getting lippy at me with a bloody shotgun? I had a bloody loaded shotgun.

  Neville Bartos : The leg is okay, all right?

• Chopper : Beethoven had his critics too, Keithy, see if you can name three of them.

  [Keithy continues walking back and forth, confused] 

  Chopper : That's right, you can't.

• Chopper : [after viciously stabbing Keithy George multiple times in the face and neck]  I think I put me shoulder out.

• Chopper : You reckon he'd want to throw a bit of cash my way?

  Nick : Yeah, nah, I don't think he'd go for that.

  Chopper : Well fuck him, he'll have to go for it. Nev?

  Neville Bartos : Yeah?

  Chopper : I hear you want to give me some money.

• Nick : He's not your enemy.

  Chopper : Well he fuckin' is now.

• Chopper : I used to be Chopper Read. Now I can't even get arrested in this bloody town.

• Chopper : [to Downie]  I've never, I don't think I've ever been as bloody insulted as I am right now. I'm sittin' here confessing to a fucking murder, I've known you since I was a fucking pup, right? And you've got the fucking audacity to drag this cunt here...

  Detective Cooney : [Chuckles]  Sort out your boy, will you?

  Chopper : ...And you look at me like I'm a fucking idiot!

• Mandy : Jimmy and the boys are bringing the car. You help set up the big fellow, it'll make you a star.

  Sammy the Turk : They said they had it farmed out, they had it ghosted. But when I walked out the door, they just left me posted.

  Jimmy Loughnan : The gun was for real, it was not a lark. But the twit took him out to the wrong car park.

  Chopper : Silly boys, that's all that Chopper had to say, and poor little Sammy got blown away.

• Chopper : You've probably read all the newspaper stories about me, and you've heard the word on the street about me, and you've probably got a picture in your head of what Chopper Read's like and we're sitting here at this bar all very nice and cosy and I'm a bit of a let down to you.

• Chopper : You don't much like me, do you Keithy?

• Chopper : Aw, look. The bloke's been my best mate since 1975. We've had our fall-outs from time to time. It's no big deal. It's like... if your mum stabbed you.

• Neville Bartos : [Chopper shoots Neville Bartos]  Ooooo.

  Nick : [Nick rushes into frame to help Neville Bartos]  Get a rag!

  Chopper : Forget the rag boys.