All Over the Guy (2001)

Dan Bucatinsky: Eli Wyckoff

Photos 

Quotes 

• [during a game of Pyramid with Jackie and Bret] 

  Eli Wyckoff : The ex-football player who allegedly killed his wife.

  Tom : Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Allegedly? What are you, nuts?

• [last lines] 

  Tom : And the thing about Rhett Butler...

  Eli Wyckoff : Yeah?

  Tom : He wasn't very fuzzy. Was he?

• [discussing the bad dates Brett's set Eli up on] 

  Brett Miles Sanford : Look I know it didn't go all so, you know, that well last time with... Richard, was it?

  Eli Wyckoff : Rita! From UPS. She was a woman!

  Brett Miles Sanford : Whatever, she was still gay. That's your problem, you're so picky.

• [discussing Eli's bad date with Tom the previous night] 

  Eli Wyckoff : He kept saying, "You do the math," even when it made no sense sense. What a turn-off.

  Brett Miles Sanford : What's the turn-on? According to your mother you haven't had a hard-on since she first took you to see THE NUTCRACKER at the Jewish Community Center in first grade.

  Eli Wyckoff : Stop talking to my mother about my sex life.

  Brett Miles Sanford : What sex life?

  Eli Wyckoff : I have one!

  Brett Miles Sanford : Uh huh, right.

  [makes jerking off motions] 

  Eli Wyckoff : Ok, y'know, it counts. I spent 10 years learning which buttons to push, now I just have to look at myself and I cum.

  Brett Miles Sanford : Eww.

• [Eli's mother has just left an embarrassing message on his machine that Tom overheard] 

  Eli Wyckoff : Oh my God, I'm gonna go to the bathroom now and hope to God that I can overdose on Tums, or Maalox, or pine-scented Glade.

• Tom : Jackie would love this bear... Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he? Was he? Was he? Was he? Was he?

  Eli Wyckoff : [interrupting him]  Was he, was he, WAS he!

  Tom : That's what I said

  Eli Wyckoff : No, no. You said "Was heeeee?" It's "WAS he"

  Tom : What's the difference?

  Eli Wyckoff : You're kidding, right? You just established that Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair; why would you then ask "Was heeee?" like a question, like you didn't know if he was fuzzy or not?

  Tom : It *is* a question, I'm asking if Fuzzy is or isn't fuzzy, what is so wrong about that?

  Eli Wyckoff : It is a rhetorical question, it's supposed to be ironic! "Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy... *was* he?"