Kath & Kim (2002–2007)

Jane Turner: Kathleen 'Kath' Darleen Day Knight, Kathleen 'Kath' Darleen Day, Prue, Damian the Jockey

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kim : Here's your statue, Mum.

  Kath : Oh, what for the love of God is that?

  Kim : It's the statue you wanted.

  Kath : What? No it's not, Kim.

  Kim : Yes it is, it's a statue of little baby cheeses.

  Kath : Little baby cheeses? Oh little baby *Jesus*, Kim, *Jesus*.

  [Exasperated] 

  Kath : Oh, Jesus.

• Kath : Kimmie, look at me, look at moy, look at mooooy.

• Sharon : I've taken up golf, Mrs D.

  Kath : Oh really?

  Sharon : Yeah. Me and the girls are going down to the Peninsula to play in a tournament.

  Kim : Which girls?

  Sharon : Oh, you know, K.D., Ellen, Martina. Just the usual gang.

• Kim : All right. I'm guilty. You've found out my surprise.

  Kath : What, Kim?

  Kim : I've been trying to run up your credit card bill to earn you enough Fly-Buys to get you a free mystery flight for your honeymoon.

  Kath : Oh, well why didn't you say so, love? Oh, I'm thrilled. So do we get a free trip?

  Kim : Yes, I have managed to get you and Kel a trip. It's on Sunday the 23rd of October... 4:30... AM... You won't be sitting together and they can't tell me where you're going, but they can tell me that it's not out of the state.

• Kim : Oh, listen to this, Mum.

  [She reads from a novel] 

  Kim : "He stood to attention, his sword erect, ready to take his punishment. He was a throbbing member of an exclusive club. The lord laughed as he thought of the noble knight's rogering."

  Kath : Oh, that sounds great, Kim.

  Kim : Yeah, it's the new Jeffrey Archer.

  Kath : Oh right. What happens in the end?

  Kim : I don't know. I haven't started it yet - that was just Jeffrey's bio in the front.

  Kath : Oh, he sounds nice.

  Kim : He does, doesn't he.

  Kath : Yeah, I like the sound of him.

  Kim : Oh, I always have.

  Kath : Hmm, decent.

• Kath : Is that top from Ooh La La?

  Kim : No, it's from Uluru. I got it on my trip to Alice Springs.

• Kim : If Brett calls, I'm incommunicado.

  Kath : Where?

• Kath : I'm sure you've heard of those Nancy Kantz pants? Well these are the Kath Day enhance your fancy dance pants.

• Kath : I'm reading the abridged version. It's called the Intsy Wintsy Davinci Code.

• Kim : He's an entrepreneur!

  Kath : You got the manure right, Kim! Geez!

• [Kath trying to help her daughter to lose weight] 

  Kath : Look at moy, look at moy. Kimmy, Look at moy. Now I've got one word to say to you... Ozone.

  Kim : What?

  Kath : The ozone diet. It's taking Hollywood by storm, Kim. See what you do is, you eating nothing but air for two weeks and then nothing but red meat for two weeks so it all evens out.

• [In response to Kim's taunts about her mother's mature-age wedding] 

  Kath : I don't think you can handle the fact that while your marriage is on the rocks, Kel and I are getting ours off.

• [making plans for the "Hens Night"] 

  Kim : Yeah, I've had all those classic cocktails..."69er", "Slow screw against a wall", "Sex on the Beach"...

  Kath : Have you tried an "orgasm"?

  Kim : No, never had one of them...

• Kim : [discussing Martin Sheen and his 2 sons, Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen]  Why have they got different names?

  Kath : Oh, you know their dad. What's his name? Little guy on the telly?

  Kim : Mr. Sheen? Oh. He must have had two wives. Sweet.

  Kim : That's Hollywood. Happens all the time. Been happening for thousands of years. Get used to it.

• Kim : Our very way of life is under-threatened!

  Kath : Kim, you're beginning to sound like a Nazi.

  Kim : [scoffs]  Me, a Nazi? You're the Nazi.

  Kath : Well, yes, I am a style Nazi, but that's as far as it goes.

• Kim : It's her own fault. She's such an emo.

  Kath : Yeah. Tickle Me Emo.

  Kim : Yeah.

• Kim : My favourite movie's Shallow Hal. I can relate.

  Kath : Why? Because you're big kim?

  Kim : No, because I'm shallow. God, you're rude to me.

• Kath : [trying to talk to Kim about her sexuality, believing her to be a lesbian]  You're a Dutch sea wall Kim!

  Kim : [confused]  What?

  Kath : A dyke! on a bike... if you like...

  Kim : Mum, I'm not gay.

• Kath : You know your beeswax? Why don't you mind it?

• Kath : [thinking Kim is gay]  Kim I want you to know, I know that you've thrown your handbag in the river and I'm okay with that...

  [Kim looks bemused] 

• Kath : So the feeling's mutual?

  Sharon : Well, I think so, Mrs. D. I mean yesterday, when I was incinerating the biological hazards, he came up and adjusted my rubber suit.

  Kath : Ooh, that's a good sign!

• Kath : I can't help it if you're an ignoramus!

  Kim : Ignoranus? Ignoranus? In your anus this!

  [throws Trivial Pursuit board]