Undercover Brother (2002)

Chi McBride: The Chief

Photos 

Quotes 

• Undercover Brother : Are you telling me there really is a Man'?

  Conspiracy Brother : What do you think? Things don't just happen by accident! Sometimes people - mostly *white* people - make things happen!

  Undercover Brother : So the conspiracies we've believed for all these years are true? The NBA really did institute the three point shot to give white boys a chance?

  Smart Brother : Absolutely!

  Undercover Brother : Then the entertainment industry really *is* out to get Spike Lee?

  Conspiracy Brother : Come on man! Even Cher's won an Oscar! Cher!

  Undercover Brother : Then O.J. really didn't do it?

  [Everyone looks away and mumbles] 

  The Chief : We... we ain't got time for this!

• The Chief : Today is a great day for black people of all races.

• Undercover Brother : Wait a minute, how'd the white boy get a job at "the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D."?

  The Chief : Shit, what can I say? Affirmative action.

• [after witnessing the General's speech] 

  The Chief : Smart Brother, you're so damn smart. Can you tell us what the Hell just happened?

  Smart Brother : Well, uh, I, uh, um...

  The Chief : [mocking him]  Well, um, I, uh... Shut up! If I wanted to hear something stupid, I'd ask his skinny Black Ass!

  Conspiracy Brother : Ha, ha! In your face! Ha! Skinny black... HEY!

• The Chief : I'm tired of you disrespecting me! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fire your black-ass?

  Undercover Brother : Because I... don't... work for you?

  The Chief : SHUT UP! Save the smart comments for the chunky brother in the smock!

• Conspiracy Brother : That's Right! It's goin' to the streets. Hey y'all! It's revolution up in this Bitch! Set the alarm for Defcon 5! It's on, baby... it's on!

  The Chief : Good work, White She-Devil. Oh, and you in too.

  Conspiracy Brother : What the Fuck? Chief! I've never seen this bitch in my agent classes! I'm still paying the loans off, man! I sleep on a pissy mattress! I ain't got good food to eat! I borough money for my Weed! I quit! That's it. Y'all ain't got Conspiracy Brother Jones to kick around no more! Give me a pillow case... I'm joining the Klan!

• [as black cultural leaders begin to fall prey to The Man's plan] 

  The Chief : Jay-Z to cover Lawrence Welk's greatest hits? John Singleton to remake "Driving Miss Daisy"? Terry McMillan - "How Stella got her White Man Back"? Double damn it! Black people all over the world are losin' their damn minds!

• Lance : So let me get this straight; whenever a black guy does well, starts wearing Dockers, buys a few Celine Dion records, and sleeps with a White chick, you automatically say he's sold out?

  The Chief : That's enough, Lance!

  Lance : Always trying to shut the white man down.

  Conspiracy Brother : THAT'S RIGHT! That's Right!... Oh, that ain't right.

• Lance : I have stood on the sidelines of race relations long enough! I want to march down that field of oppression and kick that ball of bigotry right over the goalpost of intolerance!

  The Chief : Son, you talk a lot of shit.

  Lance : Yes, I do.

  The Chief : But you down.

• The Chief : What the hell you doing bringing a white girl up in my house, boy?

• [after Undercover Brother escapes a massive explosion by floating down a cliff in parachute pants] 

  The Chief : Didn't you cause about a ba-zillion dollars worth of damage? And I sure as hell ain't covering for ya; I don't care how sexy you look floating down in your little pants!