Scrubs (2001–2010)

Robert Maschio: Todd Quinlan

Photos 

Quotes 

• [a strange smell appears during surgery] 

  Dr. Wen : I don't know where that smell came from.

  Todd : Uh, sir?

  Dr. Wen : What is it, do you see something?

  Todd : Sir, I farted. That smell was from the fart that I made.

  Chris Turk : Dude.

  Dr. Wen : Get the Hell out of my O.R.!

• Random Nurse : You know doctor, I'm getting a little tired of your sexual innuendo.

  Todd : In your endo.

• Todd : Why won't any women talk to me?

  Attractive nurse : Because you're slimy and you turn everything into a double entendre.

  Todd : I do not.

  [Attractive nurse leaves, Todd stares at Turk] 

  Chris Turk : Go ahead.

  Todd : I'd like to double her entendre.

• Janitor : Ok, look. Attention, roof poopers! Setting aside for a moment the fact that I'm gonna make sure you all live to regret this day - let's keep the magic rolling. Let's not tell anyone else there is a toilet on the roof...

  [Todd enters] 

  Janitor : ...there is NOT a toilet on the roof!

  Todd : But you just said there was!

  Janitor : No, yes, I did, but I was using a metaphor- that means God is watching us. You heard this... there's a toilet... on the roof. Am I right, people?

  [Bystanders agree] 

  Todd : Cool.

  [Makes cross sign and leaves] 

• [the Todd has farted earlier in the O.R] 

  Todd : Dr. Wen threatened to sew my butt cheeks together.

  Chris Turk : And yet you continue to eat chili.

  Todd : Dude I'm takin' the cheese off.

• Todd : [Todd is playing Pacman]  Oh, Miss Pacman, I would sex that bow right off your head. Eat those dots you naughty, naughty girl.

• Todd : [to J.D., about Elliot]  So, what are her breasts like?

  Elliot : Todd, I'm right here.

  Todd : Oh, sorry... So, what are your breast like?

• Todd : I have to go, there's a breast reduction on the fourth floor... I'm gonna go try and stop it.

• Todd : The Todd appreciates hot, regardless of gender.

• Todd : So, once you've got the hole at the bottom of the popcorn box, it's basically just a waiting game.

  Doug : And for the record, that technique does not work with hot nachos.

• Carla : Who put my stapler on the floor?

  [as she bends over to pick it up, Todd peeks from the corner] 

  Todd : [sing-song]  Thong!

  [Carla slaps him] 

  Todd : Face five. Oh, yeah!

• Todd : That was really big of you to take the blame for Elliot. Just yesterday I really wanted to spank her.

  Chris Turk : Why, did she mess up a patient for you, too?

  Todd : No.

• Todd : Ladies, now that the Todd is a resident here he wants to make things clear so you don't have to wonder any more.

  [points at each of the women] 

  Todd : Yes, yes, no, yes, no, and... yes, if I've been drinkin'.

  Nurse Roberts : Come here, wonder bread.

  Todd : What's up, doll?

  Nurse Roberts : If you come this close again I will end you.

  Todd : I'm changing you to a yes because you're feisty.

• Dr. Cox : Hey, newbie. What's up?

  J.D. : Everything. Everything's up.

  Dr. Kelso : Rise and shine, Dr. Dorian.

  [J.D. gulps] 

  Todd : Hey, how's your penis?

  [continues walking] 

  J.D. : [thinking]  Don't worry, he says that to everybody.

  [stops and waits] 

  Todd : [to another doctor]  Hey, how's your penis?

• Todd : Show Todd some love.

  [high fives J.D., who winces in pain] 

  J.D. : [thinking]  I hate showing Todd love.