The Canadian Conspiracy (1986 TV Movie)

Damir Andrei: Narrator

Quotes 

• Narrator : What about 60 Minutes? Why haven't it's *hard hitting* news stories hit *hard* at the Canadian Conspiracy?

  American Reporter : [interrogation in "60 Minutes" style]  Mr. Safer, where were you born? What have you got to hide? Have you EVER heard of Lorne Greene?

  Morley Safer : No comment. I don't know anything about any of this.

  American Reporter : What do you know about the Canadian Conspiracy?

  Morley Safer : Canadian Conspiracy. NO COMMENT!

  American Reporter : Mr. Safer. Mr. Safe... MISTER SAFER! We know you're friends with Lorne Greene! Bonanza!

• [after CBS cancelled The Smother's Brothers and Canadian comedian David Steinberg was blamed] 

  Narrator : CBS Executives argued that comedy shows had no business poking fun at the Supreme Being. But Trudeau stated privately that he could take a joke as well as the next guy. For Pierre Elliot Trudeau however, the cancellation of The Smother's Brothers was *no laughing matter*.

  Canadian Reporter : Mister Prime Minister, how do you plan to get back at CBS?

  Pierre Trudeau : Just watch me.

• Narrator : For three long days and nights, Eugene Levy testified against the Canadian Conspiracy. In exchange for this in-depth interview, Levy demanded police protection, full amnesty from prosecution and a five-picture deal with a major Hollywood studio.

• Narrator : [voiceover]  *Green* card.

  [beat] 

  Narrator : Lorne *Greene*

  [beat] 

  Narrator : Coincidence?

• [first lines] 

  Narrator : In 1952, Rollo Martins, a junior clerk at U.S. Immigration, uncovered a foreign conspracy aimed straight at the heart of America.

  Rollo Martins : [on a TV show]  We're up against an organization, so ruthless and so powerful, it's a wonder we're still alive to talk about it!

  American TV Moderator : What have you found?

  Rollo Martins : I've discovered a plot by international spies who will stop at nothing!

  Narrator : But America wouldn't listen. For 34 years, Rollo Martins actively continued his investigation, and has arrived at this astonishing conclusion...

  Rollo Martins : [in a psychiatric hospital, wearing a straightjacket]  We're up against an organization, so ruthless and so powerful, it's a wonder we're still alive to talk about it!

  Narrator : Rollo Martins, the first American victim of the Canadian Conspiracy!

• Narrator : WHAT is Leslie Nielsen hiding from the American public?

  American : What's going on? We have a right to know the truth!

  Leslie Nielsen : All right, I'm going to level with you all. The most important thing is that you remain *calm*. There is *no reason* to panic.

  [as he continues speaking, his nose continues to grow] 

  Narrator : WHO is Leslie Nielsen trying to PROTECT?

  [cut to Eric Nielsen, Deputy Prime Minister of Canada and Minister of Defence] 

  Leslie Nielsen : Uh, I don't think so. Any connection between my brother, the Minister of Defence, and the success I've had here in America. No connection, at all.

• Narrator : *Lorne* Michaels.

  [beat] 

  Narrator : *Lorne* Greene.

  [beat] 

  Narrator : Coincidence?

• [about Lorne Michaels' first marriage] 

  Narrator : In 1965, Lorne marries fellow comedy writer Rosie Shuster. *Rosie Shuster*! Only daughter of comedian Frank Shuster. True love, or *True North Strong and Free*?

• Narrator : Why have *none* of the American major news networks covered *any* major news story on the Canadian Conspiracy? Perhaps the host of ABC Nightly News has the answer!

  [cut to Peter Jennings, his true nationality exposed] 

• Pierre Trudeau : The world of tomorrow belongs to those who build the world of tomorrow.

  Rick Moranis : Hit it!

  Dave Thomas : Coo-lookoo-coo-lookookoo

  Rick Moranis : He's in tune, eh.

  Dave Thomas : Coo-lookoo-coo-lookookoo

  [cut to hoser parades all across Canada with people doing the loon call and dressing like hosers] 

  Narrator : Is this what OUR world of tomorrow is going to look like?