Meet the Fockers (2004)

Teri Polo: Pam Byrnes

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Byrnes : I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.

  Greg Focker : It was Barry Poppins.

  Jack Byrnes : What kind of sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?

  Roz Focker : Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.

  Jack Byrnes : It was your idea?

  Roz Focker : Yes.

  Jack Byrnes : What is wrong with you people?

  Bernie Focker : You people?

  Dina Byrnes : I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.

  Jack Byrnes : Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?

  Greg Focker : Jack. he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?

  Jack Byrnes : He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his devlopment.

  Roz Focker : The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.

  Greg Focker : Mom.

  Jack Byrnes : What are you saying?

  Roz Focker : I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here and and I've got news for you, Jack, prodigies don't eat there own boogers.

  Jack Byrnes : And I've got news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.

  Pam Byrnes : Okay, Dad. That's my fiance.

  Jack Byrnes : I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.

  Roz Focker : Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.

  Jack Byrnes : The Little Jack in me?

  [Greg is getting extremely frusrated] 

  Roz Focker : Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed? My guess is no.

  Jack Byrnes : Will you spare my the drugstore pyschology.

  Greg Focker : [everyone starts arguing]  Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP, okay?

  [everyone is quiet] 

  Greg Focker : Jack, I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone for a second, I came back, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.

• Greg Focker : What happened last night?

  Pam Byrnes : Well, you got drunk and told my dad I'm pregnant, you revealed you have a 15 year old son named Jorge, and oh, apparently you have the hots for my mom.

• Pam Byrnes : In a few weeks, I'm not going to be Pam Byrnes. I'm going to be Pamela Focker.

  Greg Focker : Or Byrnes-Focker, we haven't totally decided yet.

  Pam Byrnes : No, no, no, I'm going to be Pamela Martha Focker. I know how that sounds but that's the name I'm taking.

• Greg Focker : It's great to be here with all of you as I am about to set sail in my ship of life with my first mate, the beautiful, young blonde lass over there. Hey baby.

  [blows her a kiss] 

  Greg Focker : I still masturbate to Pam.

  Pam Byrnes : Greg.

  Greg Focker : What? It's true. Honey, what? C'mon, you're hot. Look at her! Look at those boobs. Man! I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and just

  [shakes head making motorboat noise] 

  Greg Focker : . Man, I just want to nestle in there and take a little vacation in there.

  Pam Byrnes : Honey.

  Greg Focker : Honey, what? I'm sorry. Okay, excuse me for you being perfect! Hey, you know who else is great? That woman over there, my future mother-in-law, Dina Byrnes! Dina Dina Bo-Bina Banana Fana Fo Fina. I love D-D-Dina Byrnes! You know they say if you really want to know what a woman's going to look like when she gets older, you should look at her mother. Well I'm lookin' and I'm likin'! Woo, look at her! Sweetness!

  [chuckles] 

  Greg Focker : Good genes. Byrnes gene pool.

  [Spies Jorge] 

  Greg Focker : Hey, hey you! Hold on. Pam, I gotta tell you something about this little dude right here. In my first really passionate sexual awakening, I did, in fact lose my virginity to our beautiful housekeeper Isabel.

  Pam Byrnes : Greg, honey, that was in the past so why don't you just come sit down?

  Greg Focker : No, no, no, no, honey. 'Cause I have to get this off my chest. Really. We concieved a child. And his name is Jorge Villalobos. Come on up here, Jorge. Come up here. Let's lift the veil of mystery. The fruit of my loins is right here! Everybody take a look. See his face. He is mine. Search your feelings Jorge. You know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa.

  [hugs him] 

  Greg Focker : It's okay. I know. Lot of information. You let it settle. Who'da thunk it, huh? Come on, give that kid a hand. Oh, and Jack? Pam's pregnant. Focker out.

  [passes out] 

• Jack Byrnes : You knew she was pregnant?

  Dina Byrnes : We all did, Jack.

  Pam Byrnes : Daddy, I was going to tell you after the wedding, I swear.

  Jack Byrnes : This is the reason I created the circle of trust so we could discuss these things.

  Pam Byrnes : But the circle isn't going to work if you don't trust anyone that's in it, Dad.

• Pam Byrnes : Did you tell your mother that I'm pregnant? Because she keeps touching my stomach and smiling like that.

  Greg Focker : No, I didn't tell her. She guessed.

  Pam Byrnes : She what?

  Greg Focker : Yeah, and then she told my dad.

  Pam Byrnes : Oh, my God.

• Pam Byrnes : This weekend is going to be fun, and your parents are great.

  Greg Focker : They're great in small doses.

• [Jack and Bernie are arrived at home, looked at Little Jack holding the rum bottle with his glue hands, watching the movie Scarface on TV, shocked] 

  Bernie Focker : There's someone you don't see every day.

  [Moses began to humping on Jinx's back] 

  Jack Byrnes : Focker! Focker!

  [Greg enters with wearing moose antlers and a breast] 

  Greg Focker : Okay. I know this is bad. But, I can explain.

  Jack Byrnes : What the hell happened? I said no monkey business!

  [Little Jack began to crying] 

  Greg Focker : No! There's no monkey business.

  Jack Byrnes : No monkey business? You're wearing my breast!

  [Moses barking at Jinx, he gets off his back, Jinx hissing at Moses] 

  Jack Byrnes : Little Jack is drinking, Moses is sodomizing Jinx and you're telling me there's no monkey business? What is going on here?

  [turns to Little Jack] 

  Jack Byrnes : Are you all right, LJ?

  [Roz, Pam and Dina enters home] 

  Roz Focker : Hello, we're home! Hey, guys!

  Jack Byrnes : [grabbing the rum bottle]  Give me the bottle. Give me the bottle.

  Pam Byrnes : Oh, my god. What happened to Little Jack?

  Bernie Focker : Looks like his hands has stuck in the bottle of rum.

  Greg Focker : Thank you, dad.

  Jack Byrnes : You bet, they're stuck.

  Pam Byrnes : Greg? How did this happen?

  [sees his wearing antlers] 

  Pam Byrnes : And why are you wearing antlers?

  Greg Focker : [takes his antlers off]  It's... very complicated.

  Roz Focker : [sees the glue]  It's just a little glue, he's fine.

  Jack Byrnes : He's not fine! If he could use of his hands, he'll tell you by himself!

  [to Little Jack] 

  Jack Byrnes : All right, that's all right. Come on.

  [Little Jack continues crying] 

  Pam Byrnes : Oh, Little Jack. Honey, are you okay? Greg?

  Jack Byrnes : Dina? Pam?

  Dina Byrnes : Yes, dad. I'm coming.

  Pam Byrnes : Little Jack?

  Roz Focker : [to Greg]  Honey, I said a thimble. Not a bottle.