Haggard (2003 Video)

Brandon DiCamillo: Falcone, Taxi Driver, Announcer at Appliance Contest, Gnar Kill Band Member

Photos 

Quotes 

• Falcone : I will tell you everything, I'll let you know. You'll be so much smarter. Girls are like... a lake, you know? Like, you can jump right in, get in there, and then you're all used to it and everything's great. But come winter time

  [snaps fingers] 

  Falcone : that shit's fuckin' frozen. Then you're fucked. That's why I know the difference: I always pull out of it.

  Valo : What are you talking about? This food is making you crazy.

• Valo : He definitely doesn't wear the pants in that relationship.

  Falcone : Pants? He wears girl's underwears.

• Valo : Why is Don Vito such a bitch about grapes?

  Falcone : Yeah, Don Vito's a whore about grapes.

• Falcone : So how's school going, Raab?

  Raab : Ohh, wow, not so good. I lost my schedule at the beginning of the semester, and couldn't find my classes for like a month and a half. I end up getting three D's and an F, I mean, it's not that bad considering I passed.

• Valo : Let me guess: some sort of experiment?

  Falcone : Spearmint? I'd rather Wintergreen. What are you talkin' about?

  Valo : The TV. It's sideways.

  Falcone : Why wouldn't it be sideways? I have to watch it with my neck straight, so I'm comfortable. Otherwise I'd have a taco neck, ya know?

  Valo : Did you take acid?

  Falcone : ...yea.

• Falcone : I like chocolate, I like fudge, I'll make some now or I won't budge.

• Falcone : Don Vito is a whore about his grapes.

• Falcone : Anyway, I'm making this invention and, uh, I need like freeon from old fridgerators so keep an eye out. It's this uh, reverse microwave I'm making. Oh man, it makes things cool real fast.

  Raab : So... you're making some invention that could make stuff cold like, rally fast?

  Falcone : That's what I just said...

• Valo : I popped the trunk for you!

  Falcone : Yeah, I popped a boner for you, fuck you.

• Falcone : These... are girlfriend's... underwears.

• [while filming a home movie using a model train set and action figures] 

  Falcone : What are you guys doing, humping on the caboose?

• Valo : Tell him how Hellboy's in for it.

  Falcone : You know Hellboy? He's in for it.

• Falcone : Later on do you wanna go to to the bakery? I can almost taste it with my nose. Ever feel that way?