An Evening with Kevin Smith (2002 Video)
Kevin Smith: Self
Photos
Quotes
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Kevin : That's why you'll never see my name next to Scorsese, Woody Allen, and Spike Lee. Scorsese speaks a lot at NYU, and I'm damn skippy no one's ever been like, "I'll suck your dick for five bucks!"
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[Kevin is speaking to students at Kent State]
Kevin : When we called up the student activities board, we said we were gonna be shooting at Kent State - they were like, "Bull shit!" They were like, "We went through that shit once before; never again!"
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[explaining his "theory" of how he was commissioned to write for "Superman Reborn"]
Kevin : Back in '96 and '97, when I was commissioned by Warner Brothers to write a script for a new Superman movie. And how it came about *I* think was that somewhat saw Mallrats and watched Brodie and T.S. talking about the Kryptonite condom and someone thought "This guy seems to know a lot about Superman." So I got called in for a meeting at Warner Bros.. They say, "We have three projects that you can rewrite." At this point, the script for Chasing Amy had started circulating. People were like, "He can write!" So they offered me some rewrite work. They said, "We have three projects." I said, "What are they?" "One is a remake of an Outer Limits episode entitled 'The Architects of Fear'. The other is 'Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian'." I was like, "Didn't we say all we needed to say with the first Beetlejuice? Must we go tropical?" And the third was a project called Superman Reborn. That's what interested me. I was like, "You guys are gonna make another Superman? I'd love to do that!" And they said, "Well, that's a long shot. I can't give you that right here in the room. That has to go through lots of people because it's a big franchise. " I said, "What do I have to do? Whose fucking dick do I need to suck to get this job?" And thankfully, he didn't say his.
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Audience Member : Are the Cousin Walter stories true?
Kevin : Are you asking me if I ever tried to suck my own dick?
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Kevin : In Hollywood you just fail upwards.
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[describing Tim Burton reaction]
Kevin : He said "Anybody who knows me knows I would never read a comic book." Which to me, explains Batman. "And I certainly would never read anything written by Kevin Smith." Whoa! The... the claws came out. The... the fucking scissorhands came out!
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Audience Member : What's a nubian?
[everyone in the audience cracks up at the "Chasing Amy" reference]
Kevin : Not for nothin', man, but I will do the fuckin' jokes here, all right?
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Kevin : I always like to think of it as like, I've got 'em sittin' there, whip a little message at 'em. Whip a little moral at 'em. Whip a little of what my view of the world is. Because that's what every good filmmaker does. You can't change the world. You can't cure the world. All you can do is be like, "This is it through my eyes. Do you agree or not agree?"
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[being given the original "Superman Reborn" screenplay]
Kevin : He said, "Why don't you take the script home, read it, and tell me what you think of it." I read the script and was like: "This is fucking terrible. This is a horrible script." It was really, really bad. It was kind of like the Batman TV-show version of a Superman movie. Very campy. I went back to Warner Bros., sat down with the dude. He was like, "What did you think?" I said, "It was quite bad." He said, "'Bad' meaning good?" I said, "No, bad. Fucking terrible." And I'm going on for about five minutes how bad the script is: "Did you pay somebody to write this? Is the writer somebody's cousin? Who let somebody write this script? You paid this dude? Can you get the money back? Because this is horrendous." He was looking at me, nodding and going, "Well, thanks for coming in." I called my friend Walter in Jersey. He's a big comic book fan. I was like: "I went into Warner Bros. And told them their Superman script sucked. Revel, revel. Jersey, represent. Fuck Hollywood!" Walter's like, "Why didn't you offer to write it better?" And I was like...
[blank stare]
Kevin : Because I hadn't thought of that. I said, "Fuck!" But the next day my agent called: "They want to see you at Warner Bros." I said, "Really? All right." So I went back. It was the same dude I talked to originally... and there was another dude. The first guy was like: "Do me a favor, tell him what you told me about the Superman script." And I was like, "All right. It's bad. Sucks. Did your cousin write it?" Did that for about five minutes, and they just nodded and then they're like, "Well, thanks for coming in." I went home. The next day, got another call from my agent: "They wanna meet with you at Warner Bros. Again." I said, "All right." Because I really didn't have much to do. So I go back, and it's the two dudes and now there's a third dude. They're all in a semi-circle of chairs, and the first two guys are like: "Tell him what you told us about the Superman script." I just imagined it as a kind of water cooler situation. One guy's standing at the water cooler with somebody, and he was like: "You should hear what the Clerks dude said about the Superman script." The other guy's like, "What'd he say?" He's like, "Fuck it. Just bring him in." So I told them again, and it went on like that for a whole week. I'd go back, there'd be another person. I kept saying the same shit. Finally, I got to the guy at the top, Lorenzo di Bonaventura. Now there's six to eight guys at a large table. They're all like, "Tell Lorenzo what you told us about Superman. " I did my spiel, and Lorenzo said, "What would you do differently?" I said, "I hadn't thought about it, but you could try this and that." He's like, "We'll give you a shot at it." I said, "All right. Awesome."
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Kevin : [as Tim Burton] Anyone who knows me will tell you that I would never read a comic book." Which, I guess, explains Batman.
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Kevin : Great minds thinks alike, motherfucker!
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Kevin : Don't talk to them. Talk to me! I made Clerks!
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[meeting with producer mogul Jon Peters for the first time]
Kevin : He goes, "It's pending approval of the producer." I said, "Who's the producer?" They said, "Jon Peters. Meet with him." Jon Peters, if you don't know, is a producer on movies like... He was an exec producer on Rain Man. He was a producer on Batman. He was a producer on The Main Event, the Barbra Streisand boxing movie. He got his start in the business as Barbra Streisand's hairdresser. One day, he became a producer. Because in Hollywood, you just kind of fail upwards. So anyway, I'm going to meet Jon Peters. I go to his place. And he was a hard-core producer on Batman. It was his baby from beginning to end. When you get to his house, it shows because it's like driving up to Wayne Manor. This is a big mansion, through woods and shit. It looks like there's a holographic cave to one side. So they bring you in, and he shows up wearing short tennis shorts and shit. He's a built dude with a perfect head of hair like well-quaffed, or coiffed. He says, "They tell me you got a take on Superman. " I tell it to him. After I'm done, he's looking at me, nodding. He goes: "You know why you and me will do a good job on Superman?" I said, "Why?" He's going, "You and me, we get Superman. You know why?" I said, "No." He said, "Because you and me, we're from the streets." Now I grew up in suburban New Jersey. Never saw a black man till I was about 20. I'm the farthest thing from the streets there are. I grew up on a street. But not on "the streets." I'm thinking, "I'm from the suburbs, you're a hairdresser. Neither of us are from the street." But I don't say that 'cause I want the job. So I said, "Who would you see playing Superman?" He said, "If I had to cast it right now?" I said, "Yeah." And he said, "Sean Penn." And I was like, "Spicoli?" It was an interesting choice. He's like, "Did you see Dead Man Walking?" I said, "Yeah." He's going, "Look in his eyes in that movie. He's got the eyes of a violent, caged animal, of a fucking killer." And I was like, "Dude, it's Superman." He's like, "I got some directives for you if you move forward... some things I want you to do and don't in the script. Three things, okay? One, I don't wanna see him in that suit. Two, I don't wanna see him fly. And three, he's got to fight a giant spider in the third act." I'm like, "Let's go back to one. When you say you don't want him in the suit... " He's like, "Don't wanna see him in it. It looks too faggy." And I was just like, "No fags on the street, I take it." I don't say that because I want the fucking job. He said, "I don't wanna see him fly." I said, "Well, the suit and flying define Superman." He said, "Don't wanna see it. No scenes where he's flying around carrying people. Horseshit." I said, "All right, no flying." I said, "But the giant spider intrigues me. Why that?" And he's like, "Do you know anything about spiders?" And I said, "No." He said, "They're the fiercest killers in the insect kingdom." And I was like, "What does that have to do with our non-flying Superman?" He said, "There's gonna be a scene that I want. When I saw King Kong as a kid, there's a scene where King Kong's revealed... and it's a real big moment. I want that in this movie. I want some doors to open up and a big fucking spider's there." So I was just like, "All right. I'll give it a shot."
