- 3D: However, J and Shaggy own Psychopathic Records and the next thing you know, Tom Dub is being forced, and I underline forced, he is forced to wrestle, right there, Ding Dong Bundy, who looks like a giant penis in a broken black condom.
- Violent J: This is Evil Dead. He's our fuckin' dead body wrestler and he's gonna take it all.
- Shaggy 2 Dope: All we're saying is we own the federation. That's all we're saying.
- Violent J: That's right so everything goes our way. And if you don't like it, fuck you. So, what you gonna do when the Insane Clown Posse runs wild on you, mother facko?
- King Kong Bundy: Yak, yak, yak, move over son, the great Bundy's got something to say. Who the hell is Tom Dub? I don't care if some record company, some perverts, a bunch of heroin addicts think that you're going to be using the great Bundy as a stepping stone. Son, you're going down, you're getting a five-count and don't ever think of doing anything in wrestling again.
- 3D: There is speculation that Evil Dead is really Jumpsteady under a stupid rubber mask. Jumpsteady is the brother of Violent J. Violent J and Shaggy own JCW.
- Gweedo: The rules of this battle royal are simple. You get thrown over the top fucking rope, you're out.
- Truth Martini: Can you believe this shit? Look what they're fucking putting us into.
- Terek the Great: I know man, I know this is fucking bullshit. I'm a fucking cruiserweight wrestler. I wrestle in Japan. I don't need this shit. I'm not a fucking stupid clown.
- Truth Martini: Look at this shit, this shit's fucking choking me too.
- Terek the Great: Dude, I know, man this is fucking bullshit. I ain't no fucking clown.
- Truth Martini: I don't believe we're fucking doing this.
- Terek the Great: Well, we are.
- Truth Martini: Let me let you in on something. I'm only doing it for the money
- [rubs fingers together]
- Terek the Great: I'm gonna put it to you like this. I don't give a fuck about how much J and Shaggy are paying us to do this. I ain't going out there and fucking jobbing for those two fuckers. They're not even wrestlers.
- Truth Martini: They got us jobbing?
- Terek the Great: They're not even fucking wrestlers. I ain't jobbing for them. But wait, it's alright. I've got a plan up my sleeve. And let me tell you something, the Clowns' plans aren't going as smoothly as planned tonight. Trust me.
- Truth Martini: [laughing] Feeling better.
- [laughing. Picks up costume]
- Truth Martini: Fuck!
- 'Luscious' Johnny Stark: [Truth Martini makes his way out for the battle royal] You know, I hear that his big brother, Bad Boy Barry Brunzell, was thinking of coming to JCW.
- Gweedo: That's just speculation, Caruthis Martellini would never have him do that.
- 'Luscious' Johnny Stark: [trying to hold back his laughter] Ok.
- 3D: Terek lost the match and has to wrestle as Doink the Fuck, but we'll get to that later.
- Gweedo: [Fat Fuck Barrel Boy makes his way out for the battle royal] Fat Fuck Barrel Boy!
- 'Luscious' Johnny Stark: Speaking of fuck.
- 3D: A big fat fucking fat guy in a barrel, what could be better? JCW at its finest.