- [says it sometimes when Duke breaks open an EDF item crate]
- Duke Nukem: Oh yeah! More equipment means more "ass kickin'"!
- [says it sometimes when Duke picks up a rat and kills it by squishing it]
- Duke Nukem: See you later, Mickey!
- [When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]
- Duke Nukem: What the hell? No! Come on! No! This is disgusting!
- [When Duke faces the Alien Queen in the Queen Bitch chapter]
- Duke Nukem: Baby, you make me wish I had three guns.
- [from trailer]
- Unnamed Man: Man, this thing is really pissed off!
- Duke Nukem: Ohhh. Mmmm. Oooo. Oh, oh yeah, right there. Oh yeah.
- The Twins: [Mary Holsom] That was fun! Was it good for you, baby?
- [Kate Holsom giggles]
- The Twins: [Kate Holsom] What about the game, Duke? Was it any good?
- [giggles]
- Duke Nukem: Yeah, but after twelve fucking years, it should be!
- The Twins: [Mary Holsom] Well, any time you wanna play again, just let us know!
- [giggles]
- The Twins: [Kate Holsom giggles]
- EDF Voices: [Showing Duke some power armor resembling Master Chief's armor] Duke! We got your green power armor over here and ready to go!
- Duke Nukem: Power armor is for pussies!
- EDF Voices: Oh... well, okay. Uh... you want a gun instead?
- Duke Nukem: [pissing] This is taking forever. Time to stop pissing around and get this big guy back into action.
- EDF Voices: [EDF #1] All right, step one! Alpha Team straight up the middle! Blake, flank left! Philips and I head around. That's step two. Step three is... uh... uh...
- EDF Voices: [EDF #2] Uh, profit?
- EDF Voices: [EDF #1] Right! You ready? One, two...
- EDF Voices: [all three together] Break!
- Whiteboard: Operation: Cock Block
- EDF Voices: [EDF #3 to Duke drawing on whiteboard] Hey, check out the red marker. Smells like cherries.
- EDF Voices: [EDF #3 to Duke after he is done drawing on whiteboard] Oh, man! That is... I mean I don't understand any of it, but I bet if I did, that guy over there would still have his arm... and at least one of his balls.
- Father: Excuse me, er... Duke Nukem? Yeah, my kid's a real big fan.
- [lowers his voice and pats his son on the back]
- Father: Go on and ask him, Jimmy.
- Little Jimmy: Mr. Nukem! W-will you sign this for me?
- [gives Duke his book "Why I'm So Great"]
- Duke Nukem: Sure, kid. But I better not find this on EBay.
- [autographs the book]
- Little Jimmy: I wanna grow up to be just like you!
- Duke Nukem: Take your pills... er, vitamins every day, and you might grow up to be as awesome as me.
- Little Jimmy: Wow! Thank you, Mr. Nukem! Wow! He's so cool!
- Father: Yeah, I thought he'd be taller.
- [says it after seeing the decapitated corpses of one of the EDF soldiers with collectible weapons in The Hive chapter]
- Duke Nukem: Advance team my ass...
- [says it after performing his finishing moves on the Battlelord followed by his repeated punching to the Battlelord's groin]
- Duke Nukem: Right in the jewel!
- [says it after seeing Isaac Clarke's helmet near the decapitated corpse in The Hive]
- Duke Nukem: That's one "dead space" marine.
- [says it sometimes after opening one of the doors in The Hive chapter]
- Duke Nukem: I thought this was exit only.
- [says it sometimes when Duke slaps the three breast on the wall]
- Duke Nukem: Sooo wrong, yet, sooo right!
- [says it sometimes when Duke slaps the three breast on the wall]
- Duke Nukem: Hmm. Strange silicone-based lifeform.
- [says it sometimes when Duke slaps the three breast on the wall]
- Duke Nukem: Time for an examination, ladies!
- [says it at one point when Duke is near the early part of the Crash Course chapter]
- Duke Nukem: Well look at that... you can see my dick from here!
- [after defeating the Octotaking in the Generator Room chapter]
- Duke Nukem: There can only be one king... you fuck.
- [When Duke faces the Cycloid Emperor in the Final Battle chapter]
- Duke Nukem: I'm gonna rip your eye out and piss on your brain, you alien dirtbag!
- [after the end sequence]
- Duke Nukem: What kind of shit ending is that? I ain't dead, I'm coming back for more!
- Duke Nukem: [using a wrecking ball to break down a wall while killing an enemy in the process] Have a taste of my ball!
- [in the beginning of the chapter "Vegas in Ruins"]
- Captain Dylan: Duke! Good to fucking see you! I knew that retirement bullshit was just bullshit. Fuck that retirement shit! I just got back from helping my friend "find his wife". Christ, what a fucking pussy! Graves want me to help you jack these motherfuckers up just like old fucking times! Can't wait to pound'em in the cornhole! Hoo-ah!
- [says it sometimes when Duke puts an enslaved woman out of her misery in The Hive chapter]
- Duke Nukem: Sorry, babe. But it's better this way...