Joan of Arcadia (2003–2005)

Amber Tamblyn: Joan Girardi

Photos 

Quotes 

• God : Good is relative. Beauty's relative. Everything's relative. Except for me. I'm absolute.

  Joan : I thought that was vodka.

• God : [about a book]  Have you read this?

  Joan : You stole that!

  God : Well, technically everything belongs to me.

• Joan : You are not real!

  God : So people keep telling me.

• Joan : I'm ignoring you!

  God : I'm used to it.

• Adam : Maybe I'm bad at stuff like this... but we kissed. It's not like I've kissed a lot of girls. Maybe I've only kissed one.

  Joan Girardi : Right.

  Adam : Well maybe it meant something to me.

  Joan Girardi : Maybe it meant something to me, too.

  Adam : I don't... I don't know what to do with it now.

  Joan Girardi : [chuckles]  Me neither.

  Adam : Maybe it's like that anti-drug guy said, you know? Romantic love is like a mental illness. It just happens and then what are you gonna do?

  Joan Girardi : Maybe we're just not ready.

  Adam : Okay. I accept that. Were you ready for that other guy?

  [Referencing God, whom Joan was dancing with at the party] 

  Joan Girardi : That's different.

  [after a long pause] 

  Joan Girardi : Hey, wanna dance?

• Joan : Were you being snippy to me?

  [lets out a breath] 

  Joan : God is snippy.

  God : If I seem snippy to you, it's because you understand snippy.

• Pizza Delivery God : What, no tip? I got it here under thirty minutes.

  Joan : Like that's hard for you.

  [she closes the door on him] 

• Joan : You don't think she is right, do you?

  Adam : I usually don't listen to what's going on unless I hear my name.

• Joan : Does my hair look funny?

  Grace Polk : Your hair always looks funny.

  [laughs] 

  Grace Polk : Sometimes it just pops into my head and I just laugh.

• Joan : You think they

  [the cheerleaders] 

  Joan : know?

  Luke : What? That Mom turned in their alpha dog? Probably.

  Joan : They're going to eat me alive.

• Joan : Great, so ask Isaac Newton to the prom.

  Luke : Sure, if he was a girl... and alive.

• [Joan, Adam, and Grace are studying] 

  Joan : What should we do first?

  Grace : Ask your brother for the answers.

  Joan : To be humble you have to be proud.

  Adam : Wait, arent those opposites?

  Grace : Ah, ask him ask him.

  [Luke just walked in] 

  Joan : No, no lets just break it down ok. Is there a chemical formula for twigs?

  Adam : Uh

  [from the top of is head] 

  Adam : Cellulose is c6h12o6

  [Joan drops her pencil in shock] 

  Adam : Uh, I have an eidetic memory.

  Joan : Whats that?

  Luke : Photographic.

  Grace : [talking about Adam]  He can barely remember his name.

  Adam : Listen, I know a lot, I just cant put it all together.

  Joan : Ok, what about a chemical equation for fire?

  Grace : Wood doesnt actually burn.

  Joan : Thats insane.

  Grace : What burns is the gas released when the wood gets hot. Therefore the reaction would have to be gasification, through oxidation reduction, then combustion.

  Luke : It is so hot that you know that.

  Adam : [to Grace]  Dude, are you smart?

  Grace : Just because I refute the whole formal schooling equals knowledge crap doesnt mean Im stupid.

  Adam : Nice.

  Joan : Ok, so what about gas.

  [Joan looks at Adam] 

  Adam : Cha, like I know.

  Grace : And Rainman back to underpants.

• Joan Girardi : Judith doesn't know that many people here. She was just acting out.

  Grace : Acting out is getting your nose pierced. Nearly dying in a pool of your own vomit goes a little deeper than that.

• Joan : I thought we were going with monotheism.

  Twin-Girl God : I'm impressed you know what that is.

  Joan : Why are you torturing me, And don't say I'm torturing myself.

  Twin-Girl God : Sometimes it's hard to believe what you see, so you have to trust the world behind your eyes,

  Joan : There's a world behind my eyes? Great, because this one isn't enough trouble.

  Twin-Girl God : People manage to believe in me, even though they have no idea what I am, they trust me even in the silence.

  Joan : OK. Can you take care of the rash and the barfing? Save the haiku for another time.

  [Twin-Girls combine into one] 

  Joan : Very matrix.

  Twin-Girl God : Go to the doctor, you're sick.

• Adam : [after Joan fails her physics test]  Physics is hard.

  Joan : "Physics is hard"? That's like the intellectual version of "you're not fat".

• Female Custodian God : Hi there, Joan.

  Joan : Oh, God...

  Female Custodian God : The one and only.

• Joan : What are you wearing?

  Grace Polk : [sighing]  A dress.

  Joan : You're... wearing... a dress?

  Grace Polk : Oh, nice smirk.

  Joan : I wasn't smirking! I was... I... had to sneeze.

• Joan : Power to the pimple!

• Luke : Wow, the classic geek misdirect. Gee, I'd like to hang out with you, but let's pretend to study.

  Joan , Grace : We're not hanging out.

• Joan Girardi : This is a new look for you.

  Loner Loser Kid God : Yeah... the jeans are really comfy.

• Joan : And this is supposed to inspire me?

  Joan : The Charlie Brown Christmas tree of metaphors?

• Joan : I just want to be who I am and not who everyone else wants me to be!

• Joan : You remember normal?

  Adam : Not really!

• Luke : Joan, I already claimed the last pop tart!

  Joan Girardi : Not unless you put your name on it, freakazoid!

  Luke : Look... L-U-K-E clearly displayed in red permanent marker.