Joan of Arcadia (2003–2005)

Michael Welch: Luke Girardi

Quotes 

• Luke : Not here to spy. I'm not even in the science fair anymore.

  Friedman : Why not?

  Luke : FBI confiscated my project.

  [Friedman laughs] 

  Luke : I'm not joking.

  Glynis Figliola : I always knew you had what it takes to contravene national security.

• Luke : No one ever listens to me, and yet I talk.

• Friedman : You got to forget about Grace, dude.

  Luke : But I get these feelings. I know it's a biological reaction...

  Friedman : We're not talking biology here. We're talking psychology. You're always throwing yourself against the one gate that's locked. And why? Because you're afraid of going through the gate and enjoying the pleasures of the garden...

  Luke : Hey, hey, I'm not afraid of going through the gate.

  Friedman : Then why are you always walking right past the one gate that's wide open? And don't tell me you don't know who I'm talking about.

  Luke : Glynis?

  Friedman : She's wacky for you, dude. When I took her to the dance, all she talked about was you. Extremely annoying, but, uh... it's because I was wearing cologne and everything.

  Luke : I can't just transfer my feelings from one person to another.

  Friedman : Of course you can. It's built into our DNA. Did you see the look Glynis gave you in Chem today? That's a look you usually have to download.

  Luke : Okay... I appreciate the rather base concern, but I can take care of my own love life.

  Friedman : Right... in the shower.

• Luke : Look, I've really enjoyed our collaboration. I... I feel our intellects and approaches really compliment each other, and I was, you know, hoping you felt the same way.

  Grace : [sarcastically]  Stop, stop, you're embarrassing me with your dirty talk.

• Luke : Are you out of your mind?

  Friedman : What?

  Luke : This totally hot girl is doing everything but immolating herself for you. Friedman, the odds of that happening again can only be calculated by a mainframe.

  Friedman : Hey, she's not my type.

  Luke : You don't have a type. You have magazines. Look, you're freaking because you're so used to being the guy that goes chasing after the girl. You can't handle it being the other way around. You think she's either setting you up or there's something wrong with her.

  Friedman : Thank you, Dr. Freud.

  Luke : Please, please just consider the other possible explanation for her interest.

  Friedman : What?

  Luke : Dude, don't - don't make me go there.

  Friedman : What? What?

  Luke : You're in junior mensa. Think.

  Friedman : I got nothin'.

  Luke : You're -

  [whispering] 

  Luke : you're a great guy. You have a lot more going on than people think. You're sensitive and caring and some might say appealing.

  Friedman : Huh?

  Luke : [loudly]  Appealing, dude! You're very appealing!

  [everyone in the hall stops to look at them] 

  Luke : [trying to sound manly]  So, dude, let's go shoot some hoops.

  [he punches Friedman's shoulder] 

  Friedman : What?

  [Friedman punches Luke's shoulder] 

  Luke : Hoops, dude! That's it. Let's go.

• Joan : You think they

  [the cheerleaders] 

  Joan : know?

  Luke : What? That Mom turned in their alpha dog? Probably.

  Joan : They're going to eat me alive.

• Joan : Great, so ask Isaac Newton to the prom.

  Luke : Sure, if he was a girl... and alive.

• Friedman : Use the force, Luke.

  Luke : Gee. That's... that's a new one.

• [Joan, Adam, and Grace are studying] 

  Joan : What should we do first?

  Grace : Ask your brother for the answers.

  Joan : To be humble you have to be proud.

  Adam : Wait, arent those opposites?

  Grace : Ah, ask him ask him.

  [Luke just walked in] 

  Joan : No, no lets just break it down ok. Is there a chemical formula for twigs?

  Adam : Uh

  [from the top of is head] 

  Adam : Cellulose is c6h12o6

  [Joan drops her pencil in shock] 

  Adam : Uh, I have an eidetic memory.

  Joan : Whats that?

  Luke : Photographic.

  Grace : [talking about Adam]  He can barely remember his name.

  Adam : Listen, I know a lot, I just cant put it all together.

  Joan : Ok, what about a chemical equation for fire?

  Grace : Wood doesnt actually burn.

  Joan : Thats insane.

  Grace : What burns is the gas released when the wood gets hot. Therefore the reaction would have to be gasification, through oxidation reduction, then combustion.

  Luke : It is so hot that you know that.

  Adam : [to Grace]  Dude, are you smart?

  Grace : Just because I refute the whole formal schooling equals knowledge crap doesnt mean Im stupid.

  Adam : Nice.

  Joan : Ok, so what about gas.

  [Joan looks at Adam] 

  Adam : Cha, like I know.

  Grace : And Rainman back to underpants.

• Luke : Wow, the classic geek misdirect. Gee, I'd like to hang out with you, but let's pretend to study.

  Joan , Grace : We're not hanging out.

• Luke : Joan, I already claimed the last pop tart!

  Joan Girardi : Not unless you put your name on it, freakazoid!

  Luke : Look... L-U-K-E clearly displayed in red permanent marker.