Nothing Really Happens: Memories of Aging Strippers (2003) Poster

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6/10
Filmed stage play has its moments, but not enough of them
tomreynolds200413 May 2004
Okay, they all gave it -- quite literally -- the old-fashioned college try. Nothing Really Happens is high on concept. Tillie, A Bella-Abzug-type 70-something fiction author who recently had won the Nobel Peace Prize is being interviewed by a young reporter who finds her very frustrating. It turns out that she's taking a night class with a Professor on the psychology of aging strippers. The reporter, a typically left-wing wise guy follows her to an interview with an aging stripper who has seen it all. He is very voyeuristic, disrespectful, and misogynistic as all men typically are at such liberal film festivals. Despite his annoying tone, Tillie eventually gets the aging stripper to open up and share her story. The visuals of this cinema verite rate a zero. It's a filmed stage play. Aside from the cliched journalist, the rest of the writing and acting is surprisingly strong. There is also a very good New York feel to the lines of dialog. So, if you are looking for a new experimental film experience, you could do worse.
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8/10
Ultra-low-budget "think-piece" boasts terrific performances
herbqedi13 May 2004
This movie was made for less than $400,000. Consequently, the production values of Nothing Really Happens are quite poor. The direction reflects a gifted amateur trying hard to make a really good student film -- some of it works, some of it distracts, some of it provokes, some of it just feels cheesy, but in the end, you find yourself rooting for it and interested in seeing it taken up the food chain somehow to the next level. The writing, acting, and character exposition are excellent, albeit just a tad rough around the edges.

In short, if you loved Gladiator, but found a Beautiful Mind slow and boring, and you hated Kiss of the Spider Woman, don't bother watching this film.

Start with the most accomplished actress/artiste in the film, the independent theater legend Judith Malina. She has essayed vivid characters in commercial movies filmed in New York such as Dog Day Afternoon, so some may already be familiar with her. Here, she has an exquisitely developed and well-written character ideally suited for her talents. She does not waste one iota of this opportunity. She portrays a Holocaust-survivor-turned-candy-store-owner's-wife-turned-Nobel-prize-winning-fictional-portrait-writer named Tillie Hirsch. It's an unforgettable performance that made me feel honored and privileged to have the opportunity to see it. But beyond Malina, amateur-auteur Fred Newman must be given credit for the vividly conceived irreverent lead character and the world he created around her.

But, Nothing Really Happens is NOT a one-woman show. As the aging stripper referenced in the second part of the film's title, newcomer Madelyn Chapman scores big-time. Her Carmela rolls with life's punches, taking what she can find useful, and leaving the rest. She and Tillie share an electric chemistry that defies description. David Nackman delivers as the "putsy" journalist who serves as the butt of Tillie's jokes and as a foil to advance the plot. The remaining principal character, a psychology professor played by first-timer Mary Pound, has two good moments right near the end, but otherwise wavers uncomfortably between character and plot device.

And, perhaps the best thing about Nothing Really Happens is that, true to its title and unlike many other independent films, it never takes itself too seriously.
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