Joey (2004–2006)

Matt LeBlanc: Joey Tribbiani

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joey : I did the soap thing, but I can be serious. "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" That's Romeo.

  Alex : Actually, that's Juliet.

  Joey : Huh?

  Alex : Well, Romeo doesn't start a speech "Romeo, Romeo..."

  Joey : I did that on like a million auditions!

• Gina : I thought you and Chandler should have moved out a long time ago. It's a very vibrant gay scene.

  Joey : Chandler and I are not a gay couple!

• Gina : Oh my gosh, you're not going to believe this. The director over there actually thought I was an actress!

  Joey : That's because you've got big fake boobs and you're crazy.

• Joey : So, tell me a little bit about yourself.

  Glen : Well, I moved out here a few years ago and I started doing this, and I've been doing it ever since.

  Joey : Oh, where are y'a from?

  Glen : Minnesota.

  Joey : Wow, your English is great!

• Joey : How do you say "How y'doin?" in Spanish?

  Alex : Yo tengo herpes.

• [Repeated line] 

  Joey : How you doin'?

• Joey : I was the star of a show! And now I'm the guy who turned down "Nurses." Which is strange, because in real life, I would never turn down a nurse!

• Gina : Everything I do, I do for my son.

  Joey : Oh,

  [pointing to her implants] 

  Joey : so, you got those for Michael?

• Joey : [after hearing what Michael has been up to in grad school; laughing]  What are you, a rocket scientist?

  Michael : ...Yes.

• Joey : I just wish I had a regular place where I could go and meet women.

  Michael : You could go to bars.

  Joey : Nah, I'm getting too old for that. Plus I'm not great at telling whether or not they're gay bars before I go in. Oh by the way, if Ramon calls, I am not here.

• Gina : That's the good thing about having a kid so young.

  Joey : Yeah. You rarely hear the argument for teen pregnancy.

• Joey : Hey! I really like that girl! Don't be trying to buy her hair!

• Michael : You know what it's like to have someone who's like you, but just a little bit better?

  Joey : Yeah. Johnny Depp.

• Joey : Michael, you have to seize this moment. The love between two nerds is a rare and fragile thing.

  Michael : I want to. I can't go against the rules without a motion being passed.

  Joey : So, I'll make a motion.

  Michael : You're not a member. There's an approval process.

  Joey : Well, I motion you suspend it on account of me being the sole payer of rent for the book club's headquarters.

  Michael : I second the motion. The motion is passed

  Joey : I motion for a presidential exemption to the no-dating rule.

  Michael : I second the motion. The motion is passed.

  Joey : I motion that you and me eat that entire ice cream cake right now.

  Michael : Motion denied.

  Joey : Mr. Chairman, you're out of order!

• Joey : Hey, hey Alex. That guy looks familiar, but I can't place him. Usually when I have that feeling it's someone I slept with, but I don't think it's that

• Joey : [joey is late for the tonight show because he is stuck in a traffic game]  Alright, I'm gonna have to run for it. How far away are we?

  Michael : Nine miles.

  Joey : Okay, nine miles in fourty-five minutes. Can I do that?

  Michael : Are you a Kenyan man with a number on your back?

  Joey : I don't know what that means. Alright, I'm gonna give it a shot.

  [joey starts running, after a second he returns] 

  Joey : Aggrevated an old injury...

  Michael : Football?

  Joey : No, no. Threesome.

• Joey : I'm gay for David Cassidy!

• Michael : Did you know that the laws of physics suggest that the curve ball is actually impossible?

  Joey : Why do you have to ruin stuff like that? Huh? The curve ball is impossible. Don't eat that, it's solid mold. That's not a dog, it's a possum. Stop letting it lick your face. Why?

• Joey : Welcome to Hollywood Minute. I am name.

• Gina : [Joey's teaching Michael how to meet women]  That should be easy: "How you doin'?" "How you doin'?" "How you doin'?"

  Joey : Hey, it worked on all your friends.

• Joey : Do you find me threatening?

  Michael : [frightened]  Not until this very minute!

• Joey : It all started when I got this new agent. This woman is a shark and that means she's a really good agent - not an actual shark.

  Gina : I knew that.

  Joey : Uh, yeah. So did I.

• Joey : Stop taking over my room. I have private stuff in there.

  Gina : Well, if you're worried about your diary, this is what it's like:

  [sarcastically] 

  Gina : " Dear diary, Gina's mean to me!"

  Joey : Thats going straight in the book.

• Joey : They canceled my show! People thought it was disgusting. Jeez, you defecate on one corpse...

• Bobbie : I know how to deal with crazy actors. You just smile and tell them what they wanna hear.

  Joey : So can you help me?

  Bobbie : [smiles a large fake smile]  Absolutely!

• Joey : Did you know that the girl next door was married?

  Michael : I can't talk to that girl. Sssshhhe makes my stutter come back.

• Joey : I am not a sex blob!

• Bobbie : Oh, Joey I've got great news.

  Joey : Did I get that commerical?

  Bobbie : No, I bought a horse!

• Joey : We could walk around here naked!

  Michael : Yeah! But let's NOT.

• Joey : I can't believe it! I've over understudied!

• Alex : Some kid dropped his army man in the hot tub.

  Joey : CAPTAIN DROPKICK!

• Michael : What is the best news I could give you?

  Joey : They fixed the vending machine? Ooo, we got a ping pong table? Oh wait, Kool and the Gang got back together?

• Bobbie : Ooh there's the fiery Latin heartthrob I took a chance on.

  Joey : I'm not Latin, I'm Italian.

  Bobbie : Italian? Oh no! Italians are out this year. It may be time for you to call in your boy band connections.

  Joey : I wasn't in a boy band.

  Bobbie : I can't catch a break!

• Joey : Captain Fabuloso's Cave of Hair!

• [Joey is watching a report on a show he turned down] 

  Nancy : Well, wherever he is, I'm sure Joey Tribaney is kicking himself.

  Joey : Tribbiani! Joey Tribbiani is kicking himself!

• Gina : [answering the phone]  Gina Tribbiani, hairdresser to the stars.

  Joey : Really?

  Gina : It's better than saying, "Hairdresser to mostly Dominicans."

• Joey : I'm gonna be on the Tonight Show? Oh my God! This is unbelievable. This is like one of those moments I've dreamed of my whole life. The only thing bigger than this would be like, I don't know, making my Oscar speech.

  Bobbie : [laughs]  Oscar? Did you get tasered too?

• Joey : Oh my God. To find a number I thought I'd lost forever, it's like the ending of a great romantic movie.

  [unfolds the paper to read it] 

  Joey : Oh, her? No.

• Joey : [On phone]  Hey, Bobbie, listen. I got myself into a situation. It's bad.

  Bobbie : Okay, here's the game plan. Flush the drugs, throw the gun in the river, we'll tell everyone it was exhaustion.

• Bobbie : Oh good, its you. I have great news. I just got you the cover of "Bride" magazine.

  Joey : Why'd you do that?

  Bobbie : Is this not Torri Spelling?

  Joey : No, its Joey.

  Bobbie : Oh good, its you.

• Gina : So, whoever you pick is the real winner?

  Joey : Yes!

  Gina : And I can rub it in Alex's face?

  Alex : Yeah, but you won't get to 'cos it ain't gonna go down like that, biatch!

• Michael : How does my swing look?

  Joey : Like you're good at science.

• Joey : I know I don't tell you this often, but it's really nice to have someone here I can share my feelings with, it means a lot to me.

  Gina : You can't tell Sara that you love her, but this vagina-monologue just pours out of you.

• Gina : Heimlich? Nice name.

  Joey : I'm sorry. Did I pick a weird name for the robot baby I had with my sister?

• Michael : ... I know a great line to get out of that.

  Joey : [Joey looks closely at Michael]  Last night you became a man. Just a minute ago, you became a Tribbiani.

• Joey : I can see the Ollywoo sign!

• Joey's right foot : Oh, I'm so lonely!

  Joey's left foot : How you doin'?

• Michael : Do you think there's a chance?

  Joey : She would eat you alive.