Joey (2004–2006)

Jennifer Coolidge: Bobbie Morganstern

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bobbie : That's right. My client Katie demands that you fire Joey!

  [Walks over to Joey] 

  Bobbie : If you fire my client Joey, I'll destroy you!

  Lauren : Isn't this a conflict of interest?

  Bobbie : Oh, no! They'll send me to agent jail!

• Bobbie : I know how to deal with crazy actors. You just smile and tell them what they wanna hear.

  Joey : So can you help me?

  Bobbie : [smiles a large fake smile]  Absolutely!

• Bobbie : I'd like to keep that little piece of chicken in my pocket and snack on him all day.

• Bobbie : Oh, Joey I've got great news.

  Joey : Did I get that commerical?

  Bobbie : No, I bought a horse!

• Bobbie : Ah, Joey, he's just shoving crap up your pooper.

• Bobbie : I could slap a diaper on you and nurse ya right now.

• Bobbie : Ooh there's the fiery Latin heartthrob I took a chance on.

  Joey : I'm not Latin, I'm Italian.

  Bobbie : Italian? Oh no! Italians are out this year. It may be time for you to call in your boy band connections.

  Joey : I wasn't in a boy band.

  Bobbie : I can't catch a break!

• Bobbie : Well, it's a sexy new nighttime drama set in a mountain resort. It's called Deep Powder. It's Baywatch on skis, and it's the dumbest script I ever read. It's gonna be huge!

• Bobbie : And if I knew you were coming I wouldn't have brought Data.

• Lauren : Oh, God, I thought the bear got out.

  Bobbie : And I thought I dropped an earring.

• Bobbie : Oh you're tiny too. Maybe I can hold you up and you can talk to each other.

• Bobbie : [laughing]  Oh, Joey. Laughter really is the best medicine, and that story just cleared up my hepatitis. Look, a bad article from this woman could really hurt your career. They go to press in two days, so until then, just give her anything she wants.

• Bobbie : Did I not tell you? I'm a little off. I was at the gate looking through my purse for my wallet, and I accidentally tasered myself.

• Joey : I'm gonna be on the Tonight Show? Oh my God! This is unbelievable. This is like one of those moments I've dreamed of my whole life. The only thing bigger than this would be like, I don't know, making my Oscar speech.

  Bobbie : [laughs]  Oscar? Did you get tasered too?

• Bobbie : I just tasered myself again. I think on some level, I may be doing it on purpose.

• Bobbie : There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you! I'd throw on a meat skirt and wrestle a lion! I'd pull off my own ears and eat them!

• Joey : [On phone]  Hey, Bobbie, listen. I got myself into a situation. It's bad.

  Bobbie : Okay, here's the game plan. Flush the drugs, throw the gun in the river, we'll tell everyone it was exhaustion.

• Bobbie : The super agent. Entertainment Weekly's 12th most powerful woman in Hollywood.

  [looks at Lauren and laughs] 

  Bobbie : 67!

  [turns back towards Katie's door] 

  Bobbie : Now Katie, I know you don't want to talk to Joey, but if you can just give me a minute, maybe I can help you out here.

• Bobbie : Oh good, its you. I have great news. I just got you the cover of "Bride" magazine.

  Joey : Why'd you do that?

  Bobbie : Is this not Torri Spelling?

  Joey : No, its Joey.

  Bobbie : Oh good, its you.