- Colour Analyst: Ow, I spilled hot coffee on my legs!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: THOSE ARE MY LEGS!
- Colour Analyst: Oh yeah, sorry.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Carter is whipped up about something, and now these two are going to go!
- Colour Analyst: They're going back and forth...
- Play-by-Play Announcer: ...and forth and back...
- Colour Analyst: ...and back again!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Five minute Fighting majors have been handed out!
- Colour Analyst: There's a valuable lesson to be learned here, Jim!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Don't get in fights?
- Colour Analyst: No, don't make fun of his Backstreet Boys lunchbox!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: [after a faceoff win]
- [Insert Center's name here]
- Play-by-Play Announcer: sure is handy to have around the faceoff circle.
- Colour Analyst: And around the house. He rivals Bob Vila.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Really?
- Colour Analyst: No.
- Colour Analyst: He stops pucks like it's his job!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Isn't it?
- Colour Analyst: Good point!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Bertuzzi gets called for Interference. They'll be short one player.
- Colour Analyst: Why go after that guy? He might aswell have hauled down a fan!
- Colour Analyst: That's one way to open up the scoring!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: You would've preferred something else?
- Colour Analyst: No, that one was just fine.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: HE SCORES! Wow, Don, that was really incredible!
- Colour Analyst: Well, then don't eat it.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: I said incredible!
- Colour Analyst: Shouldn't the goalie maybe have had that one?
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Pretty much.
- Colour Analyst: I see.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: I know you would.
- Colour Analyst: Hmm.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Vancouver is laying all kinds of hardship on them now.
- Colour Analyst: I haven't seen this kind of schelackin' since my pankake incident!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Vancouver is dominating this game!
- Colour Analyst: Guess which team is the good one?
- Play-by-Play Announcer: The Oilers are making a change in the net, Don!
- Colour Analyst: Cool! The new guy has a better mask!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Holden scores!
- Colour Analyst: He put it upstairs, where El Presidente keeps the election results! No need for anyone else to see them, I trust them!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Me too.
- Colour Analyst: I'm no doctor, but I think he may have an overactive hit!
- [crowd boos]
- Colour Analyst: Alright, alright... I'm sorry!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: The Canucks have truly embarrassed them now, Don!
- Colour Analyst: This game is more one-sided than my conversations!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: I can't believe you admitted to that...
- Colour Analyst: Sorry? I wasn't paying attention.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Bertuzzi scores!
- Colour Analyst: I can't wait to see that one on replay!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Are replays even on right now?
- Colour Analyst: I don't know, let's wait and see.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Holden scores!
- Colour Analyst: Evidently, the goalie decided to sleep in today.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Here we go, folks! It's scrap-time!
- Colour Analyst: Oh well, at least they're not swearing or spitting.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: It looks like these two guys will be taking a mandatory rest for fighting!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Holden shoulders Horcoff.
- Colour Analyst: I thought he was going in for the high-five Jim, but in retro-spect I guess that wouldn't really have made a lot of sense!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Horcoff gets checked.
- Colour Analyst: Oh, they felt that hit in the Rafters! Which bakes the question, "Why are there people in the Rafters?"
- Colour Analyst: Well, they say good things come in threes!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: I thought it was celebrity deaths that always came in threes.
- Colour Analyst: And while we're at it, let's not forget The Stooges!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Atlanta has taken the lead!
- Colour Analyst: Their fans are going nuts! I just saw a guy do a back-flip in the crowd! Or was that just a rendering bug?
- Colour Analyst: That shot was powered by pure Nana-Nahaijna!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Whatever *that* might be...
- Colour Analyst: [camera zooms in on Jaromir Jagr] Hey, Jim! It's only the first period, but how many points does he have now? A: A lot. B: A lot. C: A lot!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Hmmm, I'd go with B, "A lot."
- Colour Analyst: [buzz] Wrong! It's D, "A ton!" But thanks for playing!
- Colour Analyst: GÓL!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Go-go-go-gooool...
- Colour Analyst: GÓL!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Gooooooool...
- Colour Analyst: GÓL!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: [embarrassed] Let's never do that again.
- Colour Analyst: Agree!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: He scores!
- Colour Analyst: I clocked that one at a cool 200 miles/hour!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: I think you're off by about 100 miles/hour there, Don.
- Colour Analyst: Wow! That thing was going 300 miles/hour?
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Colorado is fully in control of this game again!
- Colour Analyst: And I'm fully in control of my motor skills again! Stupid electro-shock therapy.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Keep complaining, and I'll up that voltage again!
- Colour Analyst: What complaining?
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Drury has a huge shot, Don!
- Colour Analyst: You could say it has an impact on things!
- [pause]
- Colour Analyst: That joke however, did not.
- Colour Analyst: Jim, I once took a faceoff against this guy, and he knocked my stick up into the press box!
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Oh, I remember, Don! So does my dentist.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: New Jersey needs to kill off this penalty - they can't afford to go down another goal!
- Colour Analyst: Another goal and the pulse of this team will be this:
- [flat-line SFX]
- Colour Analyst: That should make them feel better! For about three seconds, until they look up at the scoreboard.
- Play-by-Play Announcer: Tkachuk gets nailed for elbowing.
- Colour Analyst: [Watching the replay] Have you seen the latest in elbow-padding technology? Take a look!
- Colour Analyst: I'd like to see that kind of hitting continue, because it makes me say witty things.