Shrek the Third (2007)

Justin Timberlake: Artie

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Shrek : Listen, Artie. Eh, if you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I mean, I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof or whatever, but what I am screamin' is, yo, check out this kazing thazing, bazaby! I mean if it doesn't groove or what I'm sayin' ain't straight trippin' just say, "Oh, no you di'n't! You know, you're gettin' on my last nerve." And then I'll know it's... then I'll - I'll know it's wack!

  [Shrek gets hit in the face with a branch that Artie had evidently pulled back] 

  Artie : Somebody help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me!

  [knocks on the door of a tree incessantly] 

  Artie : Knock, knock. Hello! Hello!

  [a holograph of Merlin emits from a crystal a few feet adjacent to the door] 

  Merlin : Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex. Now prepare-

  [the holograph cuts off. Merlin comes out the front door and says] 

  Merlin : I knew I should have got that warranty.

• Artie : [convincing Merlin to help them get back to Far Far Away] 

  [weeping like a troubled teen] 

  Artie : It's just so hard, you know? They really need to get back, 'cause their kingdom's in trouble, 'cause there's a really bad man... and it's just so hard!

  Merlin : Come on, take it easy!

  Artie : No! I don't think you understand!

  [collapses at Merlin's feet] 

  Artie : There's a mean person doing mean things to good people

  Shrek : Oh, have a heart, old man

  Artie : And they really need your help to get them back! So why won't you help them?

  [collapses and sobs inaudibly] 

  Merlin : [awkwardly]  Oh, ok... Um, I'll go and get my things

  Artie : [stands up and clears his throat] 

  [to Shrek] 

  Artie : Piece of cake.

• Merlin : [meditating]  I'm a buzzing bee... buzz, buzz, buzz...

  Artie : Mr. Merlin? They...

  [gestures to Shrek and crew, but stops short] 

  Artie : ... *we* really need your help. Do you think you can use your magic to transport us to...

  Merlin : [interrupting]  Sorry, kid, I don't do that stuff anymore. How about a hug? That's the best kind of magic there is!

• Artie : You know, Shrek, you're all right. You just need to do a little less yelling, and use more soap.

  Shrek : Thanks, Artie.

  Artie : The soap is because you stink. Really bad.

  Shrek : Yeah, I got that.

• Artie : And so, people, I hope you enjoy your stay in prison, while I rule the free world, baby!

  Shrek : All right, don't overdo it.

  Artie : I'm building my city, people, on rock 'n' roll!

  Shrek : You just overdid it.

• Artie : Please don't eat me.

  Crowd : Eat him! Eat him!...

  Shrek : I'm not here to eat him.

  Crowd : [Disappointed]  Aww!

• Artie : If there's something you want to do, or someone you really want to be, then the only one standing in your way... is you.

  Rumplestiltskin : Me?

  Guard #1 : Get him, lads!

• Artie : Did you say you were looking for Arthur?

  Puss in Boots : That information is on a need to know basis.

  Donkey : It's top secret. Hushity-hush.

• Shrek : [to Artie shortly after they crash the boat]  If you think this is getting you out of anything, well it isn't! We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another! And you're gonna be a father!

  Artie : [Sounding confused]  What?

  Donkey : [to Shrek]  You just said father!

  Shrek : [to Artie]  I said... king, you're gonna be king!

  Artie : [Imitating Shrek]  You're gonna be king!

  [Reverts back to his normal voice] 

  Artie : Yeah, right!