- [the boys are watching Wales losing at Rugby]
- Gwynne: We was better when we all had initials... JJ, JPR...
- Dai the barman: MD.
- Gwynne: MD? Who's MD?
- Dai the barman: Mervyn Davies.
- Gwynne: Mervyn Davies wasn't known as MD.
- Dai the barman: No but they's his initials though.
- Gwynne: Yes Dai, but he was known as 'Merv the Swerve'
- Dad: In that case he should be called M the S. M for Merv, S for Swerve and 'The' for 'The'.
- Dad: I went to Cardiff once. There was a big shop and we had fish and chips sitting down. I didn't like it much.
- [Spike Malarky is on trial in the club]
- Randy: Spike Malarky, you are accused of sneaking into our house, confusing Idris with psuedo-philosphical ideas and stealing an expensive executive toy. How do you plead?
- Spike Malarky: I never done it!
- Dai the barman: I'd like to point out that there's only three people on the jury. One of them is predisposed to the accuser because she has an obvious sexual infatuation for the lawyer, the other one is mentally challenged and the third one is non compost mentist.
- Doctor: Why didn't you marry again Price? Open your shirt.
- Dad: No woman could ever replace my Angharad.
- Doctor: She was a formidible woman Price, I agree.
- Dad: Do you know she could carry a goat in one hand from Ton Pentre to Maerdy.
- Randy: Why would she want to do that Idris?
- Dad: Well she had the shopping in the other hand.
- Dad: I'll crush my own windpipe with a hammer if he goes
- Mandy: I'll take all my clothes off and scream
- Dad: I'll live in a suitcase under the bed without holes
- Moira price: ...and I will join Plaid Cymru
- Randy: There must be some jobs, Gwynne's got a job
- Dad: Yeah but he's been there since he left school. I think they forgot to sack him
- Randy: It's still a job, what is it you do exactly?
- Gwynne: Do?
- Randy: Yeah
- Gwynne: Well it's difficult to put into words really Randy boy. I go in in the morning, and then I potch about until dinner time... then I have dinner. Then after dinner I... that's a good question and I can't answer it, not off the top of my head just like that... but I do do something, remind me to ask Moira
- Moira price: Randy's been looking for a job, Dai
- Dai the barman: A Job? What job?
- Randy: There were these turkeys right? So naturally I assumed they'd need caring for. Feeding, talking to, that sort of thing. So I went in to apply.
- Dai the barman: Turkey strangler was it?
- Randy: Yeah
- Dai the barman: Where's the Ayatollah today then?
- Moira price: That's a good question Dai
- Gwynne: Is it?
- Moira price: Yes Gwynne. I mean, when did Dad last miss his one o'clock pint?
- Gwynne: [Thinking] Let's see, March the... seventh... nineteen sixty...
- Dai the barman: Five
- Gwynne: Five wasn't it. He'd been knocked unconscious by Hayden Webb's father outside the fish shop for calling his bricklaying "baroque"