The Benchwarmers (2006)

Tim Meadows: Wayne

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wayne : Is that beer?

  Carlos : [stumbling]  No it's Gatorade homie, get out of my way.

• Howie : I used to think the sun was evil but now I know it's not.

  Wayne : How's the moon treating you.

  Howie : Not a fan.

• Gus : [upon seeing Carlos enter]  Hey, what's going on here? How come he's playing?

  Wayne : Oh, ah, I couldn't play him before because he was feeling ill.

  Carlos : Me tummy, es sicko.

  Umpire : Well you got proof he's a kid?

  Gus : Come on! Look at his beard. He's 50.

  Wayne : Not according to birth certifico.

  [hands umpire the crumpled up paper he saw earlier] 

  Umpire : [looks inside and sees 'I am 12' written in green crayon, with a picture of Carlos and $10. He carefully pockets the $10 and folds the paper back up]  He's got documentation. Play ball!

• Howie : What's going all the way?

  Wayne : [whispers in Howie's ear] 

  Howie : Oh.

  [squeezes suntan lotion and screams] 

  Howie : Aaaaaah!

• Carlos : No really, I need another refill.

  Wayne : You need to go to an AA meeting.

• Wayne : Carlos your drunk!

  Carlos : [Carlos throws up]  Blaaaaaa!