Hoodwinked! (2005)
Glenn Close: Granny
Photos
Quotes
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Nicky Flippers : It would seem that all of you came together tonight by mistake.
[walks past dog typing notes]
Nicky Flippers : Maybe you naughty neighbors butted heads so we could get to the real truth.
The Wolf : The Goody Bandit
Nicky Flippers : That's right. The Bandit's still at large. There's been a lot of finger pointing tonight, but now all fingers point to the Bandit.
The Woodsman : Not my finger!
[quickly puts index finger in mouth and starts sucking it]
Nicky Flippers : Oh no, you were just out damaging forest property, cutting down the redwoods we all call home.
[the Woodsman starts spluttering]
Nicky Flippers : Big guy like you, you could probably take whatever you want from little goody-loving creatures, couldn't you?
The Woodsman : But someone robbed me! Have we lost track of that?
Nicky Flippers : Thats right, someone did. Maybe a snack food competitor. Right Granny?
Granny : Now hold on a pea-picking minute! I may lead a double life full of secrets and deception, but that's no reason to be suspicious.
The Woodsman : Huh?
Nicky Flippers : A woman like you could have a lot to gain stealing all those recipes.
Chief Grizzly : And that's how she makes her goodies so good! Eh?
Nicky Flippers : Or she could just be another victim... of a hungry Wolf
The Wolf : Ah, the wolf did it. Talk about profiling.
Nicky Flippers : Why should we trust someone who wears disguises for a living?
Chief Grizzly : Maybe he's not a wolf at all!
The Wolf : You got me. I'm a poodle. I just haven't been to the barbershop in a long time.
Chief Grizzly : Is this all just a big joke to you?
The Wolf : I just followed the girl here.
Granny : You leave my granddaughter alone!
Nicky Flippers : Yes, now we get to Little Red, the girl with the basket on the run.
[camera points to empty chair]
Nicky Flippers : Where is she anyway?
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The Wolf : I can't believe I'm saying this but... drink up.
[gives Twitchy the coffee]
The Wolf : We may want to stand back.
Twitchy : [Sips coffee and his eyes buldge and he starts shaking] Yee-hoo-hoo-hoo! Wahooo! Caffeine! Yeah baby! Whoa!
The Wolf : Go get 'em boy.
[Twitchy takes off and bounces all over the place]
The Wolf : What... have I done?
Granny : Now the rest's up to us.
The Woodsman : Can I have coffee?
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Granny : [Granny has just revealed that she is an extreme sports athlete] Honey, don't look at your granny like that.
Red Puckett : I'm sorry, I thought you were Triple G! Or are you the Bandit?
[beat]
Det. Bill Stork : Awkward!
[awkwardly side slips his way out of the room]
Granny : You're being ridiculous, Red.
Red Puckett : *I'm* being ridiculous? You're off living... La Vida Loca, risking your life for some dumb thrills! And I'm supposed to stay home and be your happy little delivery girl?
Tommy : I, have a...
Nicky Flippers : Coffee break, anyone?
Chief Grizzly : Uh, yeah.
Det. Bill Stork : Whose got my keys?
Raccoon Jerry : You think Granny would mind if I went through her garbage?
Chief Grizzly : Excuse us.
[Everyone except Red and Granny files out of the room]
Granny : I thought you were happy.
Red Puckett : Open your eyes. I've never even been outside of the forest. Don't you think I'd want more than that?
Granny : Of course you do. You're a Puckett.
Red Puckett : [sighs] I don't know what that means anymore.
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Granny : It's true, I'm not like other grannies. I never did like the quilting bees and the bingo parlors. I'd rather live life to the EXTREME!
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[During her bike ride, Red stops for a family of bakers who are crossing the road, leaving behind their snack shack after being struck by the Bandit]
Red Puckett : [voiceover] With the Goodie Bandit on the loose, recipes were becoming an endangered species. I decided to call Granny. If anyone knew what to do, she would.
[Cuts to Granny knitting and talking on the phone]
Granny Puckett : I don't know what to do. I'm just a tired old lady.
[Her image is shrunk to a circle wipe, revealing Red using a payphone]
Red Puckett : Your recipes are the most famous in the whole forest, Granny! What if they get swiped? It could wipe you out! Maybe I should bring you the recipe book, just for safekeeping.
Granny Puckett : A trip up the mountain is too dangerous for a little girl.
Red Puckett : I'm not so little anymore!
Granny Puckett : Please, dear, you just keep the recipes there and everything will be fine.
Red Puckett : But...
Granny Puckett : I have to go now. My program's on. Kisses.
[Blows air kisses and hangs up the phone]
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[last lines]
Red : Mr. Flippers!
Nicky Flippers : I see you all got my message. Glad you could make it.
Granny : What's going on?
Nicky Flippers : Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come and work for me? I could use some fresh talent like you.
The Wolf : What kind of work are we talking about?
Nicky Flippers : You'd be under cover, on impossible missions, to far away places. There's a lot of stories out there that need a happy ending. I'm part of a secret organization that makes sure that happens.
Red : "Happily Ever After Agency"?
Nicky Flippers : The woods don't go 'round by themselves.
Twitchy : [talking very fast] Yeah! Alright! Okay we fight the bad guys, we ride the ski boats, climb the walls, and swing the windows secret agent style. Right! Yeah!
Nicky Flippers : So what do you think?
Granny : Bring it honey!
Red : I always did like happy endings.
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Granny : Ooh, almost forgot. I made you kids some snicker-doodles.
[Everyone starts talking at once]
2-Tone : Yo!
P-Biggie : Tight! Oh yeah, snicker-doodles, snicker-doodles! Give it up, give it up!
2-Tone : Gimme one of those!
Zorra : Yeah, snicker-doodles. Those are my favorite.
2-Tone : Snickadeedoo!
[Everyone looks at 2-Tone blankly]
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Granny : Time to shred some powder!
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[Red uses the phone in Japeth's shack]
Red Puckett : Granny?
Granny : Huh, who's that?
Red Puckett : It's Red. I'm on my way over to see...
Granny : Oh, my dear, I-I'm not prepared. I've got to... put down fresh doilies! Ugh!
[slips on something]
Red Puckett : Granny! Granny! What's wrong?
Granny : Gotta go, munchkin. Bonsai!
[the call is disconnected]
Red Puckett : Oh, no!
[hangs up the phone and turns around to Japeth]
Red Puckett : Mr. Goat, my Granny's in trouble! I've got to find a way around the mountain, fast!
Japeth the Goat : [singing] Well you came to the right goat!
[pops out his rocking horns]
Red Puckett : Oh, good. More singing.
[Japeth begins singing "Be Prepared"]
