Unlike the person who voted with 10 stars, I will give it a review that is based on what the movie actually was, not a consoling pat on the back you did the best you could pep talk that the previous reviewer did.
I have to make up term to describe this...turdmudgeon.
Turdmudgeon -(turd-muhj-uhn) noun - the feces at the bottom of an overfilled port-o-potty.
This is, in essence, what Saga Tier 1: The highest saga truly is. The smelliest, cantankerous, poop at the bottom of a poop barrel. No excuses this filmed failed on every level.
Ninjas should never sell real estate! Oops spoiler alert, the gayest plot twist everyone saw coming. Eli Harris plays the blinja (thats right) who seeks out revenge against the rising tide of the three man Yakuza. Apparently a corrupt congressman/mob boss killed his brother with his bare hands instead of having someone do it for him. This can be explained since it seems he only has roughly 4 henchmen. If one goes to jail for murder what kind of a gang do you have... So I retract. The smartest corrupt congressman/mob boss of all time kills the blinja's brother. Why? Who knows, but I am assuming that it is because he had something to do with being involved in the movie, which is easily death worthy. It all relates back to the Yakuza, I am sure of it. Well its more of a guess since I couldn't actually hear the dialogue. My favorite part is when the background noise advances to plot, I was like wow what a daring move from the director. Its has to be that way...right? Since I can't hear the dialogue background noise must be more important.
HIS WIFE LEADS THE PRETEND YAKUZA!!! There I said it, a surprise you never would have guessed it or cared about by the end of the movie. It all comes to the front after the gun battle without a single muzzle flash. Its impressive they were able to invent guns that fire without them. Bravo.
When the blinja breaks necks I assume the x-ray of the neck are meant as flashbacks to him learning what anatomically occurs when a neck breaks. Because it certainly could not be a poor mans attempt at x-ray effects featured in movies like Romeo Must Die. That would mean that the film is just trying to capitalize on special effects the director has no idea how to do. All this lead to the most amazingly choreographed fight scenes. I am assuming they are the most amazing because rehearsals are what made the final cut, and early rehearsals at that. So I am stoked for the deleted scenes where we can see the final product. They must have just been too amazing to make the film.
Bravo sirs for this cinematic turdmudgeon, I eagerly await "Turdmudgeon 2: Ninja copes with the sub prime mortgage crisis, with a kitana."
I have to make up term to describe this...turdmudgeon.
Turdmudgeon -(turd-muhj-uhn) noun - the feces at the bottom of an overfilled port-o-potty.
This is, in essence, what Saga Tier 1: The highest saga truly is. The smelliest, cantankerous, poop at the bottom of a poop barrel. No excuses this filmed failed on every level.
Ninjas should never sell real estate! Oops spoiler alert, the gayest plot twist everyone saw coming. Eli Harris plays the blinja (thats right) who seeks out revenge against the rising tide of the three man Yakuza. Apparently a corrupt congressman/mob boss killed his brother with his bare hands instead of having someone do it for him. This can be explained since it seems he only has roughly 4 henchmen. If one goes to jail for murder what kind of a gang do you have... So I retract. The smartest corrupt congressman/mob boss of all time kills the blinja's brother. Why? Who knows, but I am assuming that it is because he had something to do with being involved in the movie, which is easily death worthy. It all relates back to the Yakuza, I am sure of it. Well its more of a guess since I couldn't actually hear the dialogue. My favorite part is when the background noise advances to plot, I was like wow what a daring move from the director. Its has to be that way...right? Since I can't hear the dialogue background noise must be more important.
HIS WIFE LEADS THE PRETEND YAKUZA!!! There I said it, a surprise you never would have guessed it or cared about by the end of the movie. It all comes to the front after the gun battle without a single muzzle flash. Its impressive they were able to invent guns that fire without them. Bravo.
When the blinja breaks necks I assume the x-ray of the neck are meant as flashbacks to him learning what anatomically occurs when a neck breaks. Because it certainly could not be a poor mans attempt at x-ray effects featured in movies like Romeo Must Die. That would mean that the film is just trying to capitalize on special effects the director has no idea how to do. All this lead to the most amazingly choreographed fight scenes. I am assuming they are the most amazing because rehearsals are what made the final cut, and early rehearsals at that. So I am stoked for the deleted scenes where we can see the final product. They must have just been too amazing to make the film.
Bravo sirs for this cinematic turdmudgeon, I eagerly await "Turdmudgeon 2: Ninja copes with the sub prime mortgage crisis, with a kitana."
