Van Stone: Tour of Duty (2006 TV Movie)

Scott Baio: Lt. Perry

Quotes 

• Lt. Perry : In any case, there are a few stipulations you'll need to agree...

  Lonnie Van Stone : Understood. Would you two gentlemen excuse us for a minute... Dude, I think we should have a band meeting about this.

  Randy Van Stone : You know what, dude? I'm five minutes older than you, okay? That makes me the leader of the band. I make the decisions... Band meeting, right now!... Dude, Hawk, this is a band meeting.

  The Hawk : Right.

  Lonnie Van Stone : You're not in the band, dude.

  The Hawk : Well, yeah, I'm not "in the band" in the band. But I'm "in the band."

  Randy Van Stone : No... you're just the roadie.

• Lt. Perry : Excellent. You will need to report to Camp Pendleton for departure at fifteen-hundred hours, tomorr...

  Randy Van Stone : Fifteen-hundred hours?

  Lonnie Van Stone : That's like a month away!

  Lt. Perry : No, it's tomorrow afternoon. Fifteen-hundred hours is military time for three p.m. standard.

  Lonnie Van Stone : You managed to fit fifteen-hundred hours into a one day? Right.

  Randy Van Stone : Dude, don't embarrass me in front of the U.S. Army. If they can make Stealth planes invisible, they can figure out how to alter the Time-Space Continuum... Dumbass.

• The Hawk : Officer on deck!

  Lt. Perry : That's not necessary, son.

  The Hawk : Aye-aye, sir.

  Lt. Perry : Please, you don't have to do that. You're not in the Army.

  The Hawk : Well, I'm not "in the Army" in the Army. But "I'm in the Army."

  Lt. Perry : No, you're not.

  The Hawk : Well, not officially. But kinda... Right?

  Lt. Perry : No, not at all.

  The Hawk : So, if I'm not in the Army... How did I defuse this explosive device?

  Lt. Perry : Sergeant! Fire in the hole!

• Lonnie Van Stone : Hey bro, where's all the troops?

  Randy Van Stone : I don't know. Maybe they didn't open the ticket gates yet.

  Lonnie Van Stone : What gates?

  Randy Van Stone : Hey bro, sir, dude, officer, um, where's all the troops we're supposed to be supporting?

  Lt. Perry : Oh the, uh, the troops? Um, oh, well, we thought it wouldn't be fair to all the troops if only a few of the troops got to see you. So, we decided to simulcast the performance to all the troops all over the world. Via satellite.

  Randy Van Stone : So, where's the cameras?

  Lt. Perry : Cameras? Um, on the satellite... Yeah, spy cam stuff. It's really, really, nifty. I'm gonna take off. I'm gonna go over here.