Tittybangbang (2005–2007)

Lucy Montgomery: Various Characters

Quotes 

• [repeated line] 

  Italian Maid : Don't look at Me! I'm shy!

• Italian Maid : [stroking a Cat]  Don't look at me, I'm just stroking my pussy!

• Lucy Montgomerry : Don't look at me, I'm just busting metal.

• Italian Maid : Oh look I can see my reflection, oh what a boring reflection!

• Italian Maid : Aaah! It's a metal sex crime!

• Parker : I can't resist a stiffy!

• Pete Wade : Don't touch, dangerous chemicals!

• Maxine Bendix : I won't have anything up me!

• Lucy Montgomerry : I have a very large ass!

• Lucy Montgomerry : [Ecstatic]  I'm going for an audition in London! London! London!

  Lucy Montgomerry : [Very un ecstatic, mimiking her]  I'm going for a hostpital appointment in Swansea, Swansea, Swansea.

• Don Peacock : Can I have a little widdle on you?

• Don Peacock : Now, did the agency tell you that I would be paying twenty pounds, and that I would be piddling on you?

  Chinese Hooker : What, I don't understand Don.

  Don Peacock : That's alright, you'll know when it hits you.

• Don Peacock : What's that you've done with your hair, it looks like you've had a bit of a shock.

  Hooker with Afro : It's an afro, my father was a black man.

  Don Peacock : Ah. That would explain the shock then.

• Lucy Montgomerry : [Her father is in hospital and wants Duck and Chips but he isn't allowed to have it]  Oh, give him his Donald.

  Di Botcher : But it could kill him!

  Lucy Montgomerry : Death by a duck, bonanza!

  Tony Way : At least i'd die happy.

  Lucy Montgomerry : You're not gonna die, you're just getting you're ass sorted!

• [repeated line] 

  Parker : Lose the breathing Harris!

  Harris : Sorry Ma'am.

• Lucy Montgomerry : Get out of my face!

• Maxine Bendix : It's just a little seepage. Just a little bit of seepage.

• Nicola : Pamela has taken it upon herself to introduce a full grown dog to the bedroom.

  Pamela : Whereas Nicola would rather it was shut outside.

  Nicola : It's bad enough that I have to share a room with your shutty knuckers.

• Lucy Montgomerry : [at a swimming pool]  What is bombing Mr Hasselhoff?

  Tony Way : Bombing is where you jump in with your arms wrapped around your legs, arse facing the water.

  Lucy Montgomerry : Oh I would never do that Mr David, because I have recently had extensive liposuction and work done to my arse. Do you like my new arse, I think it's really sweet.

  [she turns around to reveal a very lumpy bottom] 

• Tom Cruise : I'm six foot two, and growing!

  Roger : Give or take half a foot boss...

• Magwash : For those of you who are standing, it might be best you shit yourself, for this tale will cause ye great shite!

  Barmaid : Surely you mean great fright, Magwash?

  Magwash : How dare you interrupt the tale-

  [pause] 

  Magwash : Aye I did mean great fright, not great shite.