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Laura Madden Machala
- Anna
- (as Syvette Wimberly)
Evan Seinfeld
- Adam
- (as Spyder Jonez)
Brooke Haven
- Trixie
- (uncredited)
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Featured review
Paul Thomas stumbles; his sloppiest video
Hundreds of Vivid releases made by Paul Thomas bear phony names he's used, ranging from Chuck Lords to Judy Blue. He signed "Desperate" as writer and director, and PT should have stayed in bed instead.
The characters' actions lack any justification, and the potboiler story of scam artists who pose as cops to fleece johns caught with prostitutes is beyond corny. Faced with a disastrous project, PT seems to have slipped into the most common trap for pornographers - believing the Industry Wisdom that all that matters is individually hot sex scenes, suitable for excerpting (in compilations) or now streaming or downloading as separate entities, the entire feature be damned.
Right from the opening this is a phony enterprise. Superstar Tera Patrick, carrying a book and note pad as if she were a student, makes a big, spontaneous play for Spyder Jonez (her real-life mate) at a diner. Covered in tattoos the unlikely anti- hero rebuffs Tera in such an arrogant way as to immediately turn off the viewer, as well as represent an impossibly fake character, somehow immune to Tera's unique beauty.
Yet Tera attaches herself to the big lug as almost a stalker, and manages to inveigle her way into his minor gang, consisting of fellow cop impersonator Tommy Gunn and two beauties (Shay Love and obscure actress Syvette Wimberly) who play their decoy roles as whores so convincingly they must be whores for real.
The ups and downs of Tera and Spyder's uncertain relationship are poorly and arbitrarily shown, with him banishing her one minute and humping her the next. Film's best scene is Tera having sex with roommate Monique Alexander, one of PT's all-time best actresses, who gets to wield a mighty strap-on applied to Tera.
There's one brief exposition scene I watched repeatedly in the vain hope of making sense of it: a static long, long-shot of a couple in a diner, with Tommy and Tera voicing over issues regarding whether she should stay with Spyder - he calls her Mary in this scene, but the sloppy video has her constantly called either Teri or Tera by the other characters throughout the show. Similarly, folks call our creepy male lead Spyder, but end credits call him Adam.
Worst faux pas, completely ignored in the pointless BTS short subject, is a very sexy scene in which a busty blonde Trixie is interviewed by Tommy to join the band of criminals. Her audition seduction of him is terrific, yet she goes uncredited both in the opening credits and the end credit crawl; fortunately a web search identified her as Brooke Haven, more than Vivid chose to do.
Because they're a couple, Spyder and Tera's sex scenes don't use a condom. His casting, as hanger-on stipulated by the superstar, killed this awful project from the get-go, and in surveying PT's career I hope not to encounter any more titles this poor.
The characters' actions lack any justification, and the potboiler story of scam artists who pose as cops to fleece johns caught with prostitutes is beyond corny. Faced with a disastrous project, PT seems to have slipped into the most common trap for pornographers - believing the Industry Wisdom that all that matters is individually hot sex scenes, suitable for excerpting (in compilations) or now streaming or downloading as separate entities, the entire feature be damned.
Right from the opening this is a phony enterprise. Superstar Tera Patrick, carrying a book and note pad as if she were a student, makes a big, spontaneous play for Spyder Jonez (her real-life mate) at a diner. Covered in tattoos the unlikely anti- hero rebuffs Tera in such an arrogant way as to immediately turn off the viewer, as well as represent an impossibly fake character, somehow immune to Tera's unique beauty.
Yet Tera attaches herself to the big lug as almost a stalker, and manages to inveigle her way into his minor gang, consisting of fellow cop impersonator Tommy Gunn and two beauties (Shay Love and obscure actress Syvette Wimberly) who play their decoy roles as whores so convincingly they must be whores for real.
The ups and downs of Tera and Spyder's uncertain relationship are poorly and arbitrarily shown, with him banishing her one minute and humping her the next. Film's best scene is Tera having sex with roommate Monique Alexander, one of PT's all-time best actresses, who gets to wield a mighty strap-on applied to Tera.
There's one brief exposition scene I watched repeatedly in the vain hope of making sense of it: a static long, long-shot of a couple in a diner, with Tommy and Tera voicing over issues regarding whether she should stay with Spyder - he calls her Mary in this scene, but the sloppy video has her constantly called either Teri or Tera by the other characters throughout the show. Similarly, folks call our creepy male lead Spyder, but end credits call him Adam.
Worst faux pas, completely ignored in the pointless BTS short subject, is a very sexy scene in which a busty blonde Trixie is interviewed by Tommy to join the band of criminals. Her audition seduction of him is terrific, yet she goes uncredited both in the opening credits and the end credit crawl; fortunately a web search identified her as Brooke Haven, more than Vivid chose to do.
Because they're a couple, Spyder and Tera's sex scenes don't use a condom. His casting, as hanger-on stipulated by the superstar, killed this awful project from the get-go, and in surveying PT's career I hope not to encounter any more titles this poor.
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- lor_
- Oct 24, 2016
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