- Condoleeza Rice: [on "Political Project Runway"] I'm here to win. And by win, I mean lose. Stay the course, with all the catastrophic devastation of winning. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
- Elaine Stritch: [at WalMart] Everybody buuuuuyyyy! Buuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyy! BUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYY! Eh, I'm just screaming! Rob, I'm just screaming!
- Jonny McGovern: I knew I was gay when everyone at school was beating me up and calling me gay. They beat the crap out of me! That's when I knew.