"3rd Rock from the Sun" Assault with a Deadly Dick (TV Episode 1996) - John Lithgow as Dr. Dick Solomon

Dr. Dick Solomon : This planet has crossed the line! Assemble the giant robot!

Sally Solomon : We didn't pack it. I wanted to, but you needed the room for your exercise bike. Which, I might add, you never use.

[she pats his midsection for emphasis]
Dr. Dick Solomon : Your chirpy optimism has no place in reality! Guess what? Santa Claus is dead! Beaten senseless for his shiny black boots and his reindeer don't give a damn!
Dr. Dick Solomon : What kind of place is this where you can't wave handfuls of money around in the middle of the night?
Officer Don : Okay, Mr. Solomon. It's time to finger your perp.

[Dick points at Mary]

Dr. Dick Solomon : Believe me, I've tried! But she just won't let me!
[about the stolen car radio]

Sally Solomon : Wait a minute! I know what's happened here! You see it all the time on the news!

Dr. Dick Solomon : Uh, toupees?
[referring to the mall]

Sally Solomon : I think the entire planet should be covered by one big roof.

Dr. Dick Solomon : And we should never be more than fifteen feet from a weenie on a stick!
Dr. Dick Solomon : Tommy, look what I bought for you.

Tommy Solomon : A basketball?

Dr. Dick Solomon : I've decided that you should join your school's team.

Tommy Solomon : Why?

Dr. Dick Solomon : Because it's important that you experience the humiliation of adolescent boys at the hands of bitter adults trying to re-write the failures of their youth. It'll be fun.

John Lithgow: Dr. Dick Solomon