- Professor Suter: Working on my screenplay. It's like 'Die Hard,' but it's set in an office building.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: 'Die Hard' *was* in an office building.
- Professor Suter: Up yours.
- Sally Solomon: I've seen stuff that would make your eyes pop out of your head and splatter against the wall. In fact, I've seen that, too.
- Dr. Howard: There you are!
- [Harry tries to casually walk away]
- Dr. Howard: You were right. It *was* a burst appendix. The saline count fooled me! I didn't know he had diabetes. He'll live now.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: In order to get my way, I've harmed a friend, someone I deeply love, a man I barely know, and a large, unpleasant woman in sensible shoes.
- [Harry is pretending to be a doctor at the hospital]
- Harry Solomon: [about a nearby patient] Looks like a burst appendix. Don't let the saline count fool you. I know this man is a diabetic.
- Dr. Howard: [looks at the patient's chart] No, he isn't.
- Harry Solomon: You're suspended!
- [two doctors are looking at an x-ray]
- Harry Solomon: Looks like a burst appendix. Don't let the saline count fool you. I know this man is a diabetic.
- Dr. Ladypart: This is a uterus!
- Harry Solomon: You're suspended!
- [as the scene opens, Dick is sobbing openly while reading a paperback copy of Erich Segal's "Love Story"]
- Sally Solomon: What is your problem?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: I'm sorry, I just can't believe what passed for literature in the '70s.