- Murdock: You know, when I was in High School, I ran for president of the student council but I lost on a technicality. They weren't having an election at that time.
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: [Murdock's singing as he climbs in the air vent] Shut up fool before I come up there after ya.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [singing] Ceilings, nothing more than ceilings, I'm heading into ceiling above the... floor.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [Murdock has just been sprung from the State Hospital] I'm telling ya, these sudden departures are starting to drive me crazy.
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Shut up, Murdock, you're already crazy.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Oh yeah?
- Col. Roderick Decker: What is it, Captain? I'm real busy.
- Capt. Crane: I got something happening on the A-Team, sir.
- Col. Roderick Decker: Where?
- Capt. Crane: Parkland, New Mexico. Picture in the local daily shows a man who looks just like Templeton Peck.
- Col. Roderick Decker: He'd never let his picture be taken. Who's he claiming to be?
- Capt. Crane: Name under the photo says Joe Morgan, and here's the twist: Morgan is running for Sheriff.
- Amy Allen: Hannibal, you must be slipping. I could tell it was you a mile a way. The nose is awfull and the hair! Where did you get it, mail order?
- Diner Clerk: You got a problem, miss?
- Amy Allen: I mean really, the thing looks like it's gonna start purring.
- [tugs the man's hair, revealing a bald head underneath]
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: That sheriff is gonna be out of wind just trying to get out of his own way.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Murdock. There's a little crawl space up there, see if you can get in it.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [In an Indian accent] I will endeavor to render myself as tiny as possible.
- B.A. Baracus: It'll be easy fool. Just think about your brain.
- Sheriff Jake Dawson: I knew there was something about this guy didn't belong in church. Get the squad car, we'll drive over back at his hotel.
- Deputy Rance: You want some back up?
- Sheriff Jake Dawson: Ain't gonna need any back up. All we're gonna need... is a shotgun.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I'm sorry, Miss Allen, but due to security problems, were gonna have to incarcerate you with Colonel Decker and his drones. I wish we could find more amusing company.
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Somebody hold me down. This fool's about to play his fingers and I'm gonna snap 'em off!
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [to Decker] Simple military strategy, colonel. It's called "the pincer movement". It beat the Romans and it beat you. Put your hands on top of your heads!