- Willie Tanner: Okay Mister, I want the truth and i want it now!
- ALF: All right. Your hair is thinning.
- Willie Tanner: You got a hold of our guest list, didn't you? You called people and told them to wear costumes just so you could come.
- ALF: You dragged me in here to tell me things i already know?
- Willie Tanner: On top of that, you invited the Burkes.
- ALF: Again, old news.
- Willie Tanner: Just tell me why?
- ALF: Because I want you to get that promotion. Get out there and start kissing up.
- [ALF starts making kissing sounds much to Willie's chagrin]
- Willie Tanner: I'm not kissing up to anyone, especially not Walter Burke!
- ALF: I knew you wouldn't, so that's why i'm here to do it for you.
- Willie Tanner: You can't go out there, what if they discover you're an alien?
- ALF: They won't, they'll think i'm wearing a costume. See!
- Willie Tanner: Where did you get that zipper?
- ALF: You know that old jacket you were going to throw out?
- Willie Tanner: Yeah.
- ALF: Better hang on to it, I ripped this out of your new raincoat.
- Willie Tanner: [irritated] All right go on, go out there, I don't care, blow your cover, that's fine!
- Kate Tanner: Honey, you might get that promotion after all.
- Willie Tanner: Sounds like ALF might get the promotion. I don't want to work for ALF.
- Kate Tanner: We already do.
- [the Burkes have shown up at the Tanners for the Halloween party]
- Willie Tanner: Did you invite them?
- Kate Tanner: Of course not!
- Willie Tanner: Why is he here? Why the costumes?
- Kate Tanner: Maybe they're just trick-or-treating.
- Willie Tanner: What am i supposed to do? offer them candy and send them on their way?
- ALF: Hey, so what did you think Liz?
- Lizard: The King lives.
- ALF: Thanks. Hey, science question, If there were an alien life form, what would he be like?
- Lizard: Huh?
- ALF: Are you deaf?, I'm trying to get some insight, You're an egghead, right?
- Lizard: I do well scholastically.
- ALF: Yeah, right. What about aliens ?
- Lizard: They'd probably have highly developed brains and be very advanced.
- ALF: Well, thank you.
- Lynn Tanner: How do you like Lizard?
- Willie Tanner: I like him, he's intelligent, polite, well groomed. Does he have a van?
- Lynn Tanner: No.
- Willie Tanner: I love him.
- Willie Tanner: Somebody seems to have invited the Burkes and also told all these people to wear costumes. I don't know who that was or why he did it, but i'm going to go into the garage and strangle him.