Absolutely Fabulous (TV Series)

Birthday (1992)

Jennifer Saunders: Edina

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eddie : [on turning 40]  This is something that is happening to me. This is something that I've got to deal with, alright. I'm sorry if that sounds selfish, but it's me, me, me!

• Eddie : Oh, sweetie, oh, darling. Can you help me, sweetie, darling? I'm having a hot flush. Darling, darling, quickly, feel my skin. Feel my skin. Feel it.

  Saffron : You're standing too close to the kettle.

  Eddie : I thought I was drying up there for a minute, sweetie.

• Eddie : If my mother hadn't uncrossed her legs, I could be two weeks younger.

• Eddie : No! No, no, no darling! I will not have a surprise. I will not have a surprise party. If it's going to be a surprise, I want to know about it, alright! Because I want to decide when I'm going to come and what I'm going to wear if I do come, alright? You can't expect me to go to any old bloody party, darling.

• Eddie : Oh, sweetie, sweetie... Oooh, sweetie, darling... Darling, they're gorgeous. Where did you get them, sweetie? Hmm? Was it Harvey Nichols, darling?

  Saffron : Yes.

  Eddie : Well, you should tell me. I can get a discount there, sweetie.

  Saffron : I'm glad you like them.

  Eddie : Well, darling, they're hardly the ill-judged tat you normally give me. I mean, Lacroix, darling... They are Lacroix, aren't they, darling? They're not just something you put in the box, are they, sweetie?

  Saffron : Do you like them or not?

  Eddie : I like them if they're Lacroix.

  Saffron : Well they are.

  Eddie : Oh, good. I like them, darling.

• Eddie , Patsy : [singing]  They say our love won't pay the rent...

  Eddie : I'm Cher, Patsy. I'm doing the Cher bit.

• [last lines] 

  Eddie , Patsy : [singing]  Wheels on fire, rolling down the road / Best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode.

  Patsy : Mash potato. Watch out, darling.

• Eddie : So, Marsh. Where's my pres.?

  Marshall : Sweetheart...

  Bo : I have the gift. Oh, many more.

  Eddie : What the buggery bollocks is this?

  Bo : It's a copy - it's a signed copy - of my book on ancient oils.

  Eddie : [flinging it behind her shoulder]  Next!

• Eddie : Do you think we ought to get some hormone replacement packs in for emergencies? Do you think so, darling? I mean, one day, sweetie, you could come home and find me just a little toothless old wad of gum on the floor. You'd have to slap some glands on me, quick. I'll get some.

• [first lines] 

  Saffron : Morning.

  Eddie : Hello death, hello oblivion. What time is it, darling?

  Saffron : Ten.

  Eddie : Oh, God, I'd better be off.

• Saffron : Look, I didn't know what you'd want, so I invited a few people round for family lunch.

  Eddie : Family? What are you calling family, darling? We're hardly the bloody Waltons, are we. Not just you and my mother, I hope. Is it?

  Saffron : Look, will you stop behaving like this, please?

  Eddie : Darling, this is how I behave. Anyway, I'm allowed to behave however I want on my birthday. House rule, remember, sweetie? Hmm? Especially to someone who didn't even think I might like a champagne breakfast. Not even a bloody cup of tea to wake up to on my birthday, no that would be asking too much, wouldn't it?

• Eddie : All my friends are gay. All my friends are gay.

• Eddie : God, I hate Morgan Fairchild.

  Patsy : I hate Jane bloody Fonda.

  Eddie : I hope all their old skin comes back to haunt them.

  Patsy : I bought that bloody woman's tapes. I paid for those plastic domes on her chest. I want them when she dies.

  Eddie : You know, there must be a moment, about a week after death, when all those women finally achieve the figure they desire.

  Patsy : Skeleton thin with plastic bumps.

  Eddie : The flesh will rot away, but the bumps will still be there. Little coffins full of bones and bumps.

  Patsy : Yes.

• Eddie : You are what you eat remember.

  Saffron : Which makes you a large, vegetarian tart.

• Oliver : Justin and I have a shop.

  Eddie : A shop? That' s what you're calling it is it? A few miserable bits of furniture. You have to ring a bell before they'll let you in. Unwelcoming? Vincent Price could take lessons.

• Eddie : [to Patsy]  I went to a party the other night, Pats. I thought I looked so gorgeous, so cool, darling. I just flirted and was loud and gorgeous all night. You know, I was Kathleen Turner, Marisa Berenson, everybody...

• Eddie : Family? Family? God, I hope you're not inviting that bloody, bollocky, selfish, two-faced, chicken, bastard, pig-dog man are you?