Absolutely Fabulous (TV Series)

New Best Friend (1994)

Joanna Lumley: Patsy

Quotes 

• Patsy : [about Bettina]  Neat? She was so anally-retentive, she couldn't sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture!

• Patsy : I should have sued. I was cut to ribbons, scarred for life.

  Saffron : Extraordinary how it managed to hit you in exactly the same place behind each ear.

  Eddie : Sweetie!

  Patsy : Go on, Eddie, go on

  Eddie : What?

  Patsy : Well go on, go goon. You're going to tell this little trail of cat sick that I was badly injured and not to question me.

  Eddie : No, I wasn't. I was gonna say, "Sweetie, darling, if you want to be some help to Mama, go upstairs and clear surfaces. Go on, darling." Mwah, mwah, mwah.

  [points to June] 

  Eddie : Take her with you, take her with you. Clear her, clear her. Neat and neat and neat.

• Patsy : So no lunch then, Ed?

  Eddie : Not unless Bettina arrives early. Then I shall have lunch with her.

  Patsy : [in funny voice]  Can I borrow the car?

  Eddie : No, I'm picking up Bettina from the airport.

  [Patsy puts her head down, upset] 

  Eddie : [under breath, annoyed]  Oh god... Oh god... Well , what's the matter?

  Patsy : I'm not happy.

  Eddie : Well take the car. Just go. Go.

  Patsy : I don't want the car.

  Eddie : Well just go and be unhappy somewhere else. Go on... Go on!

  [nudges Patsy] 

  Patsy : Don't touch me!

  Eddie : Well just bug off! Bug off! Bug off!

  [Patsy knocks an ash tray off the kitchen table and knocks candlesticks and ornaments off a shelf as she goes up the stairs] 

• Patsy : Oh hi Brit, it's Patsy.

  Britt Ekland : Patsy?

  Patsy : Stone.

  Britt Ekland : Stone?

  Patsy : Patsy, Patsy Stone, Stone Patsy, Patsy Stone.

  Britt Ekland : Oh Patsy.

  Patsy : Oh Brits.

  Britt Ekland : Pats

  Patsy : Brits

  Britt Ekland : Pat

  Patsy : Bri

  Britt Ekland : Pa

  Patsy : Br

  Britt Ekland : Puh

  Patsy : Buh

• Patsy : Where's Mags' diary? I want to know what she's doing for lunch?

  Bubble : She's got a meeting.

  Patsy : Why haven't you written it in?

  Bubble : I'm not completely useless, you know. It's all in here.

  [points to her head] 

  Bubble : It's with someone called... it's gone.

• Bubble : What you gonna do?

  Patsy : Don't question me.

• [last lines] 

  Eddie : I had to, darling. They had to go.

  Patsy : Hi sweetie.

  Eddie : Hello darling.