Absolutely Fabulous (TV Series)

New Best Friend (1994)

Julia Sawalha: Saffron

Quotes 

• Saffron : You were checking the fly, weren't you?

  Eddie : I have to, darling!

  Saffron : I didn't think you still did that. It's been ten years since you saw that film, and Jeff Goldblum is now full-sized, wingless and living happily ever after in L.A.

  Eddie : I know that, darling, but you'll be laughing the other side of your face the day you squash something with a little tiny human head against that window, darling. And it screams out "No, no! I'm a professor of physics! Take me back to my laboratory!" You'll wish you were a Buddhist then, darling.

• Patsy : I should have sued. I was cut to ribbons, scarred for life.

  Saffron : Extraordinary how it managed to hit you in exactly the same place behind each ear.

  Eddie : Sweetie!

  Patsy : Go on, Eddie, go on

  Eddie : What?

  Patsy : Well go on, go goon. You're going to tell this little trail of cat sick that I was badly injured and not to question me.

  Eddie : No, I wasn't. I was gonna say, "Sweetie, darling, if you want to be some help to Mama, go upstairs and clear surfaces. Go on, darling." Mwah, mwah, mwah.

  [points to June] 

  Eddie : Take her with you, take her with you. Clear her, clear her. Neat and neat and neat.

• Eddie : You don't seem to realise Bettina and Max are coming.

  Saffron : So?

  Eddie : Bettina, the Queen of minimalism! Look how I'm dressed, darling. Minimalist.

• Eddie : Is this yours?

  Saffron : Yes.

  Eddie : Could it not be left around? Doesn't it have a home to go to?

• Eddie : Bettina and Max! Clear, clear, clear, clear!

  Saffron : I'll just say hello and then I'll go.

  Eddie : No, you are not going to say hello. You must get in here. Flat against the wall, hold your bag close, and when they come, you go. Hi, hi.

  Max : Hi, hi.

  Bettina : Hi, hi, hi. Max, can you bring me the other cloth?

  Max : Where is it?

  Bettina : Blue bag, not the terry one. You know, the one near the bottle warmer by the playpen.

  Max : The bag that fits the buggy or the backpack?

  Bettina : No, the one that's by the mat near the music centre. That one, sam material as the sling.

  Max : You used it on the plane.

  Bettina : No, I didn't. Oh, Christ Max, we only had those four bags and the Moses basket on the plane.

• Eddie : Where have all my surfaces gone, darling? It's like living in a small regional branch of Mother-Bloody-Care darling, isn't it? They've got to go, darling, so I can return to some degree of normality.

  Saffron : Whatever that is.

  Eddie : Yes, whatever that is, darling. It's not this no-fun bloody baby world, is it?

• Saffron : [to Bettina]  You're just tense. You need to unwind and relax.